My house is so big! I don't want to have to leave my house.
I don't know why Lauren made me come along to move stuff out of my house when she kept saying I was sick in the head. There's nothing wrong with my head. I can think fine. I just get dizzy and things are funny and then I laugh too much. But she said it's because of that warehouse they sent me to
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"Ca--"
... Hi there. Nice to see you again too. Remember that we're supposed to be killing each other and... Alright, yeah, I really do am being forced to like this, so I should just go with it. She'll move eventually and... there it is.
That's better. I think.
"I wasn't supposed to do that."
And yet you're still clearly really amused. What the hell're you on? This is almost like when I was stoned out of my skull on that gas crap. Did she get it too somehow? That means I'll be getting crap if someone turned around and took things to her people. Wonderful.
At least now I'll be ready for it.
But right now, I have to keep her quiet. One of her girls hears, and I'm dead. I just have no idea how. I sat up, still trying to get over that kiss, because I haven't had one of those out of her in ages.
This isn't fair. They knew I'd be here and they drugged her up on purpose. Or sent her after those dealers so she'd get it just like I did so they could put her back here and she could screw with my head.
"I never noticed how nice our room is until now."
"Yeah, it's a really nice room." I got up and listened, trying to hear if anyone was coming. "Listen, Carly, I need you to be really really quiet okay?"
Hey, it worked on Madsen, and this crap is twice as strong. It's worth a shot, damn it.
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"We slept in here a lot."
Just sleeping. Sam stopped liking me, the only thing we did in here a lot was sleep. But this bed is fluffy and soft. I don't mind sleeping on things that are fluffy and soft, even though it made me sad that it meant my husbandy guy didn't love me any more.
Sam brought a gun. I think he came in here to hurt me. With a gun. Why would he want to hurt me with a gun? He wanted to try to blow me up before.
Oh! New method! Cuz that didn't work. Unless this is a game. Maybe I was supposed to bring my gun too, but Lauren wouldn't let me have my gun. I hope its a game. Like the song. Load up your guns, bring your friends...I need to learn the rest.
I wonder if Sam would teach me if I could get him to like me again.
"I like the headboard. It's nicer than the one at Lauren's. Hers has a mirror on it or something. It's shiny though. She doesn't have many shiny things. My engagement ring used to be shiny but I'm not supposed to wear that anymore because you didn't like the curtains."
"Listen, Carly, I need you to be really really quiet okay?"
He doesn't want me to talk? Lauren told me not to move. Now I'm not allowed to move or talk?
I'm just supposed to stay in here, quiet and alone? Why does everyone want me to be like that?
"What are you doing? I don't think you're supposed to be here." I got up, laughing because Sam looked like a secret agent dressed in black and carrying a gun.
Secret agent Spider-man.
"Let's both not be here. Let's be somewhere else." I frowned because I couldn't think of anywhere else to go. "Let's go to Disneyland!" I grabbed his hand.
"They'll never find you there."
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Pretty much. Was I this freakin' talkative when I was gassed? Or is this just her own personal reaction? I'm betting it was supressed. Three Four years of not talking, and now it's all getting let out. And what a God damn time for it.
"Let's both not be here. Let's be somewhere else."
Great. She's moving. And apparently something is also really funny.
"Let's go to Disneyland!"
If it was anyone else, I'd snap their damn arm off. "Carly will you just--"
"They'll never find you there."
"Yeah they will." I put a hand over her mouth. "Shut. Up." Oh great, now she looks upset. Whatever, that's not going to affect me. It's not supposed to anymore, so it's not going to.
Just as long as she doesn't cry... No. Crying isn't going to get to me either, damn it. "If you don't be quiet, I'm going to be dead. Do you want me dead?" Maybe that'll help keep that look at bay. Even though it doesn't bother me. It's just... annoying.
Yeah. That works.
I still wouldn't be surprised if she nodded on that one, though. Stoned or otherwise. I did blow up her building. But I think that was justified since she tried to kill me.
Still, knowing Carly, she's got a grudge over it. At least when she's sober.
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He hates me.
I can't believe Sam told me to shut up. Sam never told me to shut up before, when I was pretending to have a nice easy job, and be a good wife. I tried really hard to be a good wife.
I think I broke him. The Sam I knew didn't talk like that. This makes me sad. I could cry.
"If you don't be quiet, I'm going to be dead. Do you want me dead?"
"You want me dead. I should want you dead too."
He's being really mean. Like those men on talk shows who get in trouble for talking down to their wives. If we were on Maury someone would boo at him.
"Boooo."
I booed at Sam. I'm not mean like him. I won't tell him to shut up. I'll just boo.
He looks angry again. Smoke will be coming out of his ears any second now. Then I'll have to scream for laugh because...is that what all that movement is? Smokey waves? Of madness?
I bit my lip to keep from crying, but there was water in my eyes anyway.
"You're a really awful man."
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That means she doesn't? Well there's a switch. And I can't exactly say that I don't want her dead, because some part of me right now is fully willing to shoot her to get her to shut the hell up, even though the rest of me really doesn't want to.
"Carly, I just--"
"Boooo."
...
Did she just boo me? Am I on some really bad talk show, and I'm just not noticing it? What the hell is that?
"Carly, damn it--"
"You're a really awful man."
"I've been called worse." I said bluntly, rolling my eyes "Listen, okay? Stop booing me for two seconds." I can't believe that. I don't know why, but I really can't. "I don't want you dead." Let's run with that for now, hopefully she won't remember later.
Because I think on some level I just told the truth, since I'm still working on getting rid of the part that thinks of her as my wife and not the target. And that's very bad.
"Understand me? I don't. And I really want to get out of here alive. So could you keep quiet and let me get out of here alive?"
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Sam does want me dead. He's a liar. A big, fat liar. I don't care if he's big and fat or not. He's tall. Like a giant. Like the giant from the story with the beanstalk guy.
Who I really think was in a cult.
"Lauren told me I can't move! I was very still for a long time. I didn't leave the room. If I can't move and I can't talk, I'll be lonely."
I sighed, and tried not to cry anymore. I'm too old to cry. I'm old enough to be getting a divorce. When all of those people told me I was too young to get married I did, so now I must be too young to get a divorce or a widowship. But I am getting one, so I'm not.
"Unless you make me not lonely."
I like Sam when he doesn't tell me to show up. I like his tickles and giggles and kisses. I would be unlonely with him until my friends get my stuff packed.
I wonder who gets the flat screen TV.
"I can be quiet and go with you. It'll be an adventure! You should give me your gun so that I can fight the bad guys."
Oh wait, I think he is the bad guy.
"Did you know you're my nemesis? My arch nemesis? I never had one before."
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She's still crying. She's trying not to, but she still is. And it's driving me crazy. What's worse? I want to fix it. This isn't freakin' fair. At all.
"Unless you make me not lonely."
I could do that, if I wasn't more worried about ending up dead. I'm not going to get my damned stuff at this rate. Damn her and her baked little freakin' brain.
"I can be quiet and go with you. It'll be an adventure! You should give me your gun so that I can fight the bad guys."
Yeah, 'cause that's really going to happen.
"Did you know you're my nemesis? My arch nemesis? I never had one before."
"Really? Neither have I." Maybe I can play along. How did she handle it when I was like this?
I don't even remember a whole lot about that night, how the hell am I supposed to figure that out?
"See, I'd make you unlonely, but I have some stuff I really want to get. Could I maybe get that first, and then I'll stay with you for a little while?"
Lying. I've done enough to her, it's not a weird practice. Lying to her when she's stoned? Now that's a little weird. Just a bit.
"It'll just be about..." Calculate. You can do this. "One minute." Yeah, I could probably work that.
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"You will?" I hope he will. I can't go anywhere. I can't do anything. I got told to shut up by my husbandy guy who has been kinda violent lately. And he called me a bad name when he blew up my work.
I called him a badder one back. I had to. I was supposed to be all mad and stuff.
I wonder if he'd play jenga with me. I found it in the closet. I think someone gave it to us, a long long time ago. When we were happy.
Buildy game happy.
"It'll just be about...One minute."
If he's going to be that quick, I can go too.
"I'll go with you!" I giggled because I was happy that I wouldn't be alone anymore, and wiped my eyes. "Do we have to go though? We could not go at all."
He doesn't want anything good thats still around. They tore all the fun stuff up.
There were a pair of silk boxers I never knew he had.
"We could stay in here."
Now I have to make him want to stay in here.
"On the bed."
And not sleep this time, either.
I took two steps forward to push him against the wall, but it made me dizzy to move that, fast, so I kinda stumbled into him.
It may or may not have been sexy.
Then I kissed him again.
I like this. He kinda tastes like oranges.
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... Crap. "You can't go with me." I said, trying to stay calm. "I promise it'll only be a minute."
"Do we have to go though? We could not go at all."
"I really have to go get that stuff, it's important to me." I tried to explain, and saw it wasn't getting anywhere. I think this plan migh be out. Now what?
"We could stay in here."
"Huh?"
"On the bed."
I caught her, trying to figure out what she was talking about, and the recognized the look in her eyes. The one I used to get all the time. Way back when. Just, y'know, not the stoned version.
Oh no. No no. Not fair. Not fair at a--
Really not fair.
"Carly..." I managed to push her off lightly. "I really need to get that stuff." I hate myself. "And then? I'll stay with you on the bed as much as you want. Okay?" Make this work, Howell.
To 'prove' I was going to come back, I kissed her, then tried to gauge if it was 'okay' or not.
I really hate myself. Kissing the enemy, and wanting to do more. I need to get out of this whole mindframe the second I get out of all this.
If I get out of all this.
"One minute. I promise."
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Boooo.
He would rather have his stuff than me. I don't know what stuff he's talking about, it's all gone. That's why everyone is here. To make sure there's no trace of our husbandy guy wifey girl stuff in case someone kicks the bucket.
Killing him would suck. He's all tall and handsome when we kiss. I like that. I get to reach up and put my arms around him, and he's all comfy. I like it when we're like that. If he dies I don't get to do it anymore.
Whoaaaa. That was one hell of a kiss.
I smiled and put my arms around his neck, the way I used to before they told me to wear sweaters and pretend to cook. I can cook. I make good cookies. And chicken.
Not together though. That would be gross.
"One minute. I promise."
"Really?" I kissed him again, slower. Slow is good. Slow is very very good. "Promise?" And another one, for good luck! Harla knows how to shoot.
One minute is going to be a very long time for me now! I bet it goes slow!
Slow...like a kiss.
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You really really need to stop doing that. Right now. Just... all together. I need to take my minute to get the hell out of here before one of your girls walks in, and I'm done for. I really don't want that.
"Promise?"
I was about to answer, but she was kissing me all over again. To make it work, naturally, I have to kiss back. Have my arms around her. Act like this is perfectly great for me, instead of something that could get me into a lot of trouble.
And try to remember what I'm supposed to be doing at the same time. I'm supposed to be... supposed to be...
Bathroom. The bathroom. My stuff. Have to get there.
"I promise." I smiled to make it work, keeping my arms around her and then slowly letting go. "Just one minute." I headed to the door, not too fast so my footsteps wouldn't be heard and so she wouldn't think I was trying to make a break for it.
Which is exactly what I'm going to do.
"I'll see you in a minute." I smiled over my shoulder to her, before getting out the door. Then I got to the bathroom, and went digging for my bag. Luckily, they missed that compartment. I really didn't want to lose these guns.
Pulling out the bag, I checked to see if I still had some cash in there along with the guns. I had some, enough so I don't have to go drawing on anything else for a little while. Which is good, because the last thing I need is too many questions at work.
I got out the door, and looked back to the bedroom door. For a split second, I almost went back. Then I shook my head and sighed.
Can't go back, Howell. She's already going to hate you when she's sober again. Plus if you're lucky, she's passed out by now.
I heard footsteps coming and started moving, getting myself out of the hall window and climbing down again. I slipped, almost getting all the way down, and hit the ground hard. Grumbling, I got up and brushed myself off, and started cutting through fences and back yards to get back to my car.
I looked back only once before I got in, and winced a little. "See ya, Car." I got in, and started the car up, driving away.
No more of this crap. Back to business. Start doing things the right way.
And while I'm at it, forgetting those kisses would be really great.
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