What To Do?
Do you ever set around and think about things in your life? I have been doing that for the past few days. Why is love the hardest thing in life? I have concluded everything in your life happens for one reason, whether you know why or not-good or bad. My whole life doesn’t make any sense to me anymore. Just when I think I have it all figured out it turns another 360. I’ll just let you all know about my problem…
One day I think that my head and my heart are on the same page but in reality they never were. I thought I was happy with Wes, but then I wasn’t. I was so over him moving on to Justin when Wes decides he still loves me and comes back. Which I couldn’t do because I wasn’t willing to pick up the pieces and continue on. Then I never called Justin and the feelings went away so they were probably just a spur of the moment thing. Then they were Chad and if anyone knows him then they know nothing will ever come out of that. After him was Mark. I have had a life long crush on him. I talk to him out in town and call him sometimes but that’s about it for him and me. Here is the juicy part! Last night I was sitting in class when I decided I was going to go to GC to see who all was out there. So when I got there no one really was there. I hadn’t seen Jacob in so long that I decided to stop by Pizza Plus cause he was working along with Chris and Vanessa and they weren’t busy at all. Everyone knows that me and Jacob have a past, a great one at that. I was there for an hour or longer with him. Even though he was at work he came outside and looked at the new truck with me and asking me if the back seat worked and if I was willing to try it out; stood up front and talked to me the entire time I was in there, flirting and trying to embarrass me; and made sure he told me he loved me like a hundred times. We are so close that I don’t think we really should of broke up but we did and we both decided it was the thing to do at the time. Now I don’t know what is going on cause things happened between us and it has been in the making for about a week now. I know how Jacob is though and I don’t really expect much from it. He has a huge affect on me and he knows exactly what to do to get to me. He has always been there for me and all I have to do is call him. Shew! I know this will upset people knowing that I have been talking to him again, but who cares. I have to make myself happy before I can make anyone else happy and Jacob is what makes me happy. again! Yeah, next week I may not think that but at the present moment he makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. When he hugged me I felt everything that I ever felt for him come back. It was a complete rush. I finally had to leave and he had to get back to work and well that’s when it all happened. We hugged as usual and then told each other that we loved each other. He walked me to the door because it was raining…aahh then we kissed! It wasn’t just a little peck either, it was a full blown knock your socks off kiss! When I first got there he had that look like he had missed me and he hugged me and I didn’t think he was going to let me go. It was all so perfect, to perfect. I’m not going to get all caught up in him though cause I know I have terrible luck and I will just jinx myself. To know that we are what we are and what we are capable of being is great. He’s not what I thought he would be, he is so much more! It sounds lame but it’s the truth. I never expected anything from Jacob when I met him but then we became such great friends. I hadn’t known him very long and we started dating. We didn’t even talk about getting together it just happened one night when we were coming back from Manville. I don’t think people realize how close they are to each other until they have dated and then broken up. You get close then your apart for a bit then your heart realizes that you have a great friend in that person and you some how manage to continue your friendship, sometimes other things may come. It all has a purpose of what does come, just don’t always make sense to you.
Gah-Lee* Leave it to me to get myself in this situation once more. I need help, bad! Someone tell me what to do* Here is my all time favorite song that reminds me of Jacob.
Cowboy Take Me Away - Dixie Chicks
I said, I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something wild and unruly
I wanna sleep on the hard ground
In the comfort of your arms
On a pillow of bluebonnets
In a blanket made of stars
Oh, it sounds good to me
Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free, oh I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you, closer to you
I wanna walk and not run
I wanna skip and not fall
I wanna look at the horizon
And not see a building standing tall
I wanna be the only one
For miles and miles
Except for maybe you
And your simple smile
Oh, it sounds good to me
Yes it sounds so good to me
I said, cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free, oh I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you, closer to you
I said I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something wild and unruly
Oh, it sounds so good to me
I said, cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free, oh I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you, closer to you
Closer to you
Cowboy take me away
Closer to you