On Fighting and Exercise
You know, I think I could use a fight about now. Really. Not necessarily to seriously injure anyone... it could be with foam-covered PVC weapons for all I care, and in fact it would probably be preferable to not have to deal with medical bills afterward. But it's the principle of the matter: I haven't been able to really exert any stress in a long time.
Let me tell you about my failed history of fighting. In short, I've never been in one. In middle school, I tried taking on a lot of approaches to finding self-worth. Coming out of homeschool and being stuck into the school system without any real friends doesn't exactly make you a social prodigy... in fact, I was at the bottom of the popularity ladder. I know a lot of people love to fantasize about having been an "outcast," but I actually was. It's not as though every single person hated me (by 8th grade I could even have been called an acquaintance of a few popular individuals) but I was very well-known as a dork/nerd who was generally no fun to be around... even the "losers" didn't accept me.
Well, before this turns into some sort of pitiful emo-fest, I'll get back to the point-- I was a social failure, so at the ripe old age of 12 I began looking to other sources of worth: stoicism, intellect, and eventually fighting. I was large... over six feet tall and about 180lbs. It seemed obvious to me that my worth could best be proven by laying waste to some other kid in a fair and honorable match. I'd be somebody then... maybe still an outcast, but at least I would be respected through fear.
Unfortunately, that fight never came. A couple of people challenged me, but they all backed down when they learned I was serious. Nobody was actually stupid enough to do it. I joined the wrestling team where I did about average, but that was sportsmanlike. Nobody was really trying to hurt anyone, and I only matched up against other super-sized individuals, people that I couldn't just crush by default.
Fast forward a few years. I landed in a high school for geeks. Things were good. I stopped feeling the need to prove my self-worth and the notion of violence turned to something of an amusement. The closest I ever came to starting a fight was sweep-kicking a fellow student during a dodgeball-variant game who was playing cheaply and mouthing off about his dominance (he face-planted and quickly shut up). Finally, during my senior year, I got to take fencing lessons. As with wrestling, I was about average... the flimsy saber didn't really suit me. But when I was finally matched against another "brawn"-style opponent, we let loose on each other in vicious flurries of swordplay, striking as hard as the wrist was able. The instructor just about stopped the bout (I still remember her pleading us to use "butterfly hits") and I'm sure we both walked away from practice with some bruises, but I think it was at that time that I finally realized just how much fun a friendly skirmish was.
As for now... I don't have anything. I am still a very large person... about twice as heavy now as I was during middle school. I am positively built to fight. From a genetic perspective, that's really my purpose. While I try to keep it in check, I have a lot of aggression. Though I can be lazy and tend to spend my day sitting down, I actually maintain a high level of energy. All this... and I don't get any exercise. There are a few reasons for this.
1. I don't really have a secluded place that I can exercise in.
2. I find most "conventional" means of exercise boring, pointless, and unrewarding.
3. What I do consider good, fun exercise requires the cooperation of other people, and I'm just not social.
I need exercise. I need to let off a whole bunch of negative energy, get rid of some bodily toxins, and all that crap they say that exercise does, but I also need to just lose some weight. However, the solution is not to run on some treadmill or to go jogging. I've tried it, and I have come to hold running as one of the most meaningless and miserable methods of exercise ever conceived. I take a step and so what? A bunch of unexciting, pointless repetition. When I get tired, I have no will to keep going.
As for team sports, those can be good, but they're definitely flawed. First, you have to be with the right people at the right time (not to mention in the right place), and unless you're an athlete or a very social person, that's not going to happen very often. Next, you need to find the sport exciting. For me, as much exercise potential as badminton and volleyball might have, they're just not the sort of things I find appealing. Finally, everyone needs to be of comparable skill level in order to have fun. That one's the killer.
It seems that most unorganized team sports will have at least one of two spoiling players: the overqualifieds or the crybabies. You know the types. The overqualifieds aren't always bad at all, they're just too good to fit in with the group. Put 2-4 of them in competition together and the other players might as well not exist. The crybabies on the other hand... they just ruin it. They're weak, they're slow, they don't understand the rules, they're incompetent at any physical task... they're a virtual death sentence to their team. But here's the worst part: they expect everyone to be delicate. Don't make them run: they'll trip. Don't move past them: you might bump into them. Don't kick the soccer ball: it might hit them and leave a bruise. And, of course, what happens next? They feign injury. "I don't know if I'm all right...*sob*"
All in all, team sports don't always work. So what does? I don't know, but I'll tell you what ought to work: a brutal melee between consenting people who are there just to have fun, relieve some stress, and absorb some hits (that's where the PVC pipes come in). If it's just exercise, there should be no need to train. Just let loose, get in a fight, and keep doing it until you're completely exhausted. THAT is my idea of a good time.
Unfortunately, it will probably never happen.
First, where do you even go to find that sort of thing? I hear of "boffing" groups, but they're not exactly everywhere. Plus, I have no car.
Second, I have no money. I'd easily settle for fencing again, or kendo... heck, if there were any place that taught you to use a highland claymore I'd be all kinds of interested. But I couldn't afford the equipment or club memberships anyway, so it's pretty hopeless.
Third, even eliminating the first two problems, I don't think that coming back to Beth's parents' place all bloodied up would be a good thing. And if I got hired and moved out, on the off chance I'd actually get injured, it wouldn't reflect well to explain to an employer that "I got in a fight."
In the end, I'm basically just doomed to frustration at this point. I've got a lot of pent-up stress and aggression and absolutely nothing to do with it. I can only really exercise happily if I get into a fight, but I don't have any good means to do so.
Stupid, pacifist world.
Let me tell you about my failed history of fighting. In short, I've never been in one. In middle school, I tried taking on a lot of approaches to finding self-worth. Coming out of homeschool and being stuck into the school system without any real friends doesn't exactly make you a social prodigy... in fact, I was at the bottom of the popularity ladder. I know a lot of people love to fantasize about having been an "outcast," but I actually was. It's not as though every single person hated me (by 8th grade I could even have been called an acquaintance of a few popular individuals) but I was very well-known as a dork/nerd who was generally no fun to be around... even the "losers" didn't accept me.
Well, before this turns into some sort of pitiful emo-fest, I'll get back to the point-- I was a social failure, so at the ripe old age of 12 I began looking to other sources of worth: stoicism, intellect, and eventually fighting. I was large... over six feet tall and about 180lbs. It seemed obvious to me that my worth could best be proven by laying waste to some other kid in a fair and honorable match. I'd be somebody then... maybe still an outcast, but at least I would be respected through fear.
Unfortunately, that fight never came. A couple of people challenged me, but they all backed down when they learned I was serious. Nobody was actually stupid enough to do it. I joined the wrestling team where I did about average, but that was sportsmanlike. Nobody was really trying to hurt anyone, and I only matched up against other super-sized individuals, people that I couldn't just crush by default.
Fast forward a few years. I landed in a high school for geeks. Things were good. I stopped feeling the need to prove my self-worth and the notion of violence turned to something of an amusement. The closest I ever came to starting a fight was sweep-kicking a fellow student during a dodgeball-variant game who was playing cheaply and mouthing off about his dominance (he face-planted and quickly shut up). Finally, during my senior year, I got to take fencing lessons. As with wrestling, I was about average... the flimsy saber didn't really suit me. But when I was finally matched against another "brawn"-style opponent, we let loose on each other in vicious flurries of swordplay, striking as hard as the wrist was able. The instructor just about stopped the bout (I still remember her pleading us to use "butterfly hits") and I'm sure we both walked away from practice with some bruises, but I think it was at that time that I finally realized just how much fun a friendly skirmish was.
As for now... I don't have anything. I am still a very large person... about twice as heavy now as I was during middle school. I am positively built to fight. From a genetic perspective, that's really my purpose. While I try to keep it in check, I have a lot of aggression. Though I can be lazy and tend to spend my day sitting down, I actually maintain a high level of energy. All this... and I don't get any exercise. There are a few reasons for this.
1. I don't really have a secluded place that I can exercise in.
2. I find most "conventional" means of exercise boring, pointless, and unrewarding.
3. What I do consider good, fun exercise requires the cooperation of other people, and I'm just not social.
I need exercise. I need to let off a whole bunch of negative energy, get rid of some bodily toxins, and all that crap they say that exercise does, but I also need to just lose some weight. However, the solution is not to run on some treadmill or to go jogging. I've tried it, and I have come to hold running as one of the most meaningless and miserable methods of exercise ever conceived. I take a step and so what? A bunch of unexciting, pointless repetition. When I get tired, I have no will to keep going.
As for team sports, those can be good, but they're definitely flawed. First, you have to be with the right people at the right time (not to mention in the right place), and unless you're an athlete or a very social person, that's not going to happen very often. Next, you need to find the sport exciting. For me, as much exercise potential as badminton and volleyball might have, they're just not the sort of things I find appealing. Finally, everyone needs to be of comparable skill level in order to have fun. That one's the killer.
It seems that most unorganized team sports will have at least one of two spoiling players: the overqualifieds or the crybabies. You know the types. The overqualifieds aren't always bad at all, they're just too good to fit in with the group. Put 2-4 of them in competition together and the other players might as well not exist. The crybabies on the other hand... they just ruin it. They're weak, they're slow, they don't understand the rules, they're incompetent at any physical task... they're a virtual death sentence to their team. But here's the worst part: they expect everyone to be delicate. Don't make them run: they'll trip. Don't move past them: you might bump into them. Don't kick the soccer ball: it might hit them and leave a bruise. And, of course, what happens next? They feign injury. "I don't know if I'm all right...*sob*"
All in all, team sports don't always work. So what does? I don't know, but I'll tell you what ought to work: a brutal melee between consenting people who are there just to have fun, relieve some stress, and absorb some hits (that's where the PVC pipes come in). If it's just exercise, there should be no need to train. Just let loose, get in a fight, and keep doing it until you're completely exhausted. THAT is my idea of a good time.
Unfortunately, it will probably never happen.
First, where do you even go to find that sort of thing? I hear of "boffing" groups, but they're not exactly everywhere. Plus, I have no car.
Second, I have no money. I'd easily settle for fencing again, or kendo... heck, if there were any place that taught you to use a highland claymore I'd be all kinds of interested. But I couldn't afford the equipment or club memberships anyway, so it's pretty hopeless.
Third, even eliminating the first two problems, I don't think that coming back to Beth's parents' place all bloodied up would be a good thing. And if I got hired and moved out, on the off chance I'd actually get injured, it wouldn't reflect well to explain to an employer that "I got in a fight."
In the end, I'm basically just doomed to frustration at this point. I've got a lot of pent-up stress and aggression and absolutely nothing to do with it. I can only really exercise happily if I get into a fight, but I don't have any good means to do so.
Stupid, pacifist world.