In night's fields with sickness I masquerade....
Sorry to disapoint everyone, by not posting as much. As you all know things have been bad ever since the 22nd.... god I hate that number now.
I thought I had coped well since Nick left, but I went to go see, 'The Ring' last night. After seeing the dead rise and kill half the cast of the moive, I couldnt take it. I had to get up and leave. People laughed and pointed as I left the theater, fuck them
I found my little brother after the movie and got his friends together so that we could call for our ride home. Ed was with us. Ed is one of the cooler friends Jay has. Hes very liad back and just quiet. Hes asked me for advice on girls and life or whatnot every so often. Anyway, he was throwing Milk Duds at these girls that were walking away from the movie. They of course turned around and came to talk to us. 'Fuckin 15 year old hoes!' Yahh they sat and flirted with Ed and Chris and Jay. Thank god they didnt talk to me. Stupid imature women, laughing and giggling the entire time. "Ohh my god! Are your shoes red?!" Like oh my god those are soo cool!"Let me reiterate... Stupid FUCKING hoes! Again not believing I was 18 they pointed and laughed when they found out I really was. It gets so old, being laughed at...FRUSTRATION
A new dream has plauged me the last few nights. This one involves me turning a corner to get to my room, I see Nick spralled out on my bed with the gun in his hands, finger on the trigger, he turns to look at me with a sad, defeated expression on his face. I stare in disbelief, he opens his mouth as if to speak. Click... the hammer falls, and the night mare is relived again... These dreams are becoming more frequent, and quite disturbing. But hey, as long as I smile and nod my head when people ask me if I'm ok, whats the difference right?
I went to James' yesterday and hung out/practiced. He gave me some stuff to work on with my guitar. I gladly accepted the help, and started on it right away. He says I will need to work hard, to make it in this band. I doubt him not in the least. I picked up his bass for a few minutes, I loved every second of it. I need to go buy a cheap one, very soon. I really like playing them. This was the high point in my other wise uneventfull weekend.
I can feel the loneliness filling the room. I sit in darkness, waiting for my time to come. Waiting for the one waking moment where my potential as a human being will be recognized, and people actually acknowladge me for who I am. Not just as Dave, but as the whole person. Problems and all. Disasterus reprocussions and all... fuck anything is better than this....
Its time to barely eat again. I eat less and less these days. The will to feed myself is just gone. Who knows maybe it will never return... then again maybe I wont return either....
I thought I had coped well since Nick left, but I went to go see, 'The Ring' last night. After seeing the dead rise and kill half the cast of the moive, I couldnt take it. I had to get up and leave. People laughed and pointed as I left the theater, fuck them
I found my little brother after the movie and got his friends together so that we could call for our ride home. Ed was with us. Ed is one of the cooler friends Jay has. Hes very liad back and just quiet. Hes asked me for advice on girls and life or whatnot every so often. Anyway, he was throwing Milk Duds at these girls that were walking away from the movie. They of course turned around and came to talk to us. 'Fuckin 15 year old hoes!' Yahh they sat and flirted with Ed and Chris and Jay. Thank god they didnt talk to me. Stupid imature women, laughing and giggling the entire time. "Ohh my god! Are your shoes red?!" Like oh my god those are soo cool!"Let me reiterate... Stupid FUCKING hoes! Again not believing I was 18 they pointed and laughed when they found out I really was. It gets so old, being laughed at...FRUSTRATION
A new dream has plauged me the last few nights. This one involves me turning a corner to get to my room, I see Nick spralled out on my bed with the gun in his hands, finger on the trigger, he turns to look at me with a sad, defeated expression on his face. I stare in disbelief, he opens his mouth as if to speak. Click... the hammer falls, and the night mare is relived again... These dreams are becoming more frequent, and quite disturbing. But hey, as long as I smile and nod my head when people ask me if I'm ok, whats the difference right?
I went to James' yesterday and hung out/practiced. He gave me some stuff to work on with my guitar. I gladly accepted the help, and started on it right away. He says I will need to work hard, to make it in this band. I doubt him not in the least. I picked up his bass for a few minutes, I loved every second of it. I need to go buy a cheap one, very soon. I really like playing them. This was the high point in my other wise uneventfull weekend.
I can feel the loneliness filling the room. I sit in darkness, waiting for my time to come. Waiting for the one waking moment where my potential as a human being will be recognized, and people actually acknowladge me for who I am. Not just as Dave, but as the whole person. Problems and all. Disasterus reprocussions and all... fuck anything is better than this....
Its time to barely eat again. I eat less and less these days. The will to feed myself is just gone. Who knows maybe it will never return... then again maybe I wont return either....