I'll swing the hammer until the empire builder brings me home
Like so many times when I post here, I start off in a sleepy daze, unsure of what I'll commit to the mr. inter-web machine. I almost feel sad at times like this (show is ending/new semester/late at night when I can't sing along to music). I don't know. To be honest, I'm not really removed from my dulled emotions kick. So when little thoughts like this creep in on me my brain sometimes smothers them with random white noise thoughts or I just blank. Sometimes I just let it come. For some reason my mind has equated pain with weakness, and so I try to eliminate it. Even though I've come to understand how interesting my own "pain" can be. It lets more exist I suppose.
none of this is terribly new, but right now I'm just writing what is spewing from my fingers.
I haven't drawn in some time, and it's not troubling me as much as it used to. Although I don't want to lose that, my heart isn't in it anymore. My design skills have been going down hill for awhile. Oddly enough it slumped off after I stopped living with Eric. Maybe his little surreal presence twisted some crazy-ass gland in my brain. oh well.
It strikes me as odd that when I'm writing off the top of my head it's all about weakness and my deminishing skills. Perhaps it's just the mood I'm in. Funny that, I think I'm a little down.
for reasons that I believe are known, that last sentence made me smile.
I've been very lazy about making friends / a good networking base here. I don't know why. I could be doing better, but my mind is elsewhere now.
hmmm... I erased a few sentences... I'm starting to edit so I'm gonna wrap this up.
All in all, Life is still great and I have no true justification to be "down" (at leasts the justifies it to me) and one short week I once again leave the country to go to China.
I'm really liking that Mason Jennings fellow, and only after a year since I was introduced to him.
All in all, I am full of happy juice, just tired.
I'll talk to you folks later.
none of this is terribly new, but right now I'm just writing what is spewing from my fingers.
I haven't drawn in some time, and it's not troubling me as much as it used to. Although I don't want to lose that, my heart isn't in it anymore. My design skills have been going down hill for awhile. Oddly enough it slumped off after I stopped living with Eric. Maybe his little surreal presence twisted some crazy-ass gland in my brain. oh well.
It strikes me as odd that when I'm writing off the top of my head it's all about weakness and my deminishing skills. Perhaps it's just the mood I'm in. Funny that, I think I'm a little down.
for reasons that I believe are known, that last sentence made me smile.
I've been very lazy about making friends / a good networking base here. I don't know why. I could be doing better, but my mind is elsewhere now.
hmmm... I erased a few sentences... I'm starting to edit so I'm gonna wrap this up.
All in all, Life is still great and I have no true justification to be "down" (at leasts the justifies it to me) and one short week I once again leave the country to go to China.
I'm really liking that Mason Jennings fellow, and only after a year since I was introduced to him.
All in all, I am full of happy juice, just tired.
I'll talk to you folks later.