This year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest winners...
It's like a Friday, so something amusing. The winners of the 2005 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced. (The contest is simple, submit a bad opening sentence to an imaginary novel. The best presumably leave the judges tearing out their eyes, hair, etc., in their attempts to "not go there".)
Two stood out as squeegee-worthy to me--although they are all awful--including the winning submission by Dan McKay of Fargo, ND. (For my mechanically-minded friends.)As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual.
And for the fanfic-philes (who shall remain nameless), a somehow not prize-winning entry in the category of Children's Literature was submitted by Randy Blanton of Murfreesboro, TN.Because of her mysterious ways I was fascinated with Dorothy and I wondered if she would ever consider having a relationship with a lion, but I have to admit that most of my attention was directed at her little dog Toto because, after all, he was a source of meat protein and I had had enough of those damn flying monkeys.
Okay, back on my head.
Two stood out as squeegee-worthy to me--although they are all awful--including the winning submission by Dan McKay of Fargo, ND. (For my mechanically-minded friends.)As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual.
And for the fanfic-philes (who shall remain nameless), a somehow not prize-winning entry in the category of Children's Literature was submitted by Randy Blanton of Murfreesboro, TN.Because of her mysterious ways I was fascinated with Dorothy and I wondered if she would ever consider having a relationship with a lion, but I have to admit that most of my attention was directed at her little dog Toto because, after all, he was a source of meat protein and I had had enough of those damn flying monkeys.
Okay, back on my head.