Firewalking
Q: Welcome back. Thanks for taking the time to talk to us.
A: My pleasure.
Q: You're too kind.
A: Quite likely, yes.
Q: So we were wondering: in the movie version of your life, who would you think should play you?
A: Really? Is this really your first question?
Q:
A: I ... is that the sort of interview this is going to be?
Q: Hey, we're just warming up. Stretching the old limbs, the creative limbs. I got lots more questions, so let's just set that one aside--
A: -- Good idea. --
Q: -- and we'll move on to a different question. Okay, next question. Why do you do so few interviews.
A: I don't particularly enjoy them.
Q: Interesting. What is it about them you don't enjoy?
A: The... the taking part in them. The sitting here and the questions and the answers. Pretty much every part of it.
Q: What is the best childhood memory you have?
A: Done with follow-up questions on the last topic, are you.
Q:
A: Best. The best memory. How do you rate memories?
Q: The best one, yes, of your childhood.
A: Being brave enough to jump off the high dive for the first time? First orgasm? The feeling of sleeping in and waking up with the sun entering the room and birds singing outside? The smell of bacon? The fever dreams and the ceiling stretching out into infinity and the feel of cotton balls on fingertips, cotton balls that aren't there?
Q:
A: I don't understand the question.
Q: What sort of bands are you into these days?
A: Uhm.
Q:
A: I've been spreading myself pretty thin with regards to music. Listening to pop, dance music... all sorts of stuff. I wish there was a better word for the sort of dance music I listen to, because I don't dance. And there are lots of music you can dance to that aren't called dance. And there's dance music I hate and I don't want the people reading this interview to think I listen to that sort of music.
Q: Do you have any pets?
A: Sort of.
Q: Are you just a young man who came from a small town, overcame diversity, and is now living the dream?
A: I guess I am. Yes, that about sums it up.
Q: Well, thank you very much for your time!
A: That's it? You got all you need?
Q: That'll do it! Thanks again! If you'll just head over that way, we need the seat free in... five minutes. Next interview is in five-- OVER HERE!-- five minutes. So thanks! You were great!
A: Okay. Thanks. That wasn't bad. Oh, and hey--
Q: OVER HERE! WE'RE READY!
A: The thing about interviews is that, unlike actual conversation, you're framing these requests for personal information in such a way that there's no actual human connection between either of the participants in the conversation. You don't actually want to know me and I don't want to know you. Is the problem.
Q: THREE MINUTES! COME ON!
A: And the information exchanged is superficial. Does it make anyone's life any better?
Q: We'll need that seat. Please.
A: What would work better, maybe, is hugs. You and I could just hug and you could film that and we would both leave feeling better.
Q: I'm not going to hug you.
A: Okay.
Q: Thanks again for coming! That bit about bands was great.
A: The new Radiohead is pretty good.
Q: Awesome.
A: Okay.
Q: Okay.
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A: Where the hell did I park?