OOM: with Nathaniel

[mr_smarty_vamp]

Damian did as Moon suggested, waiting a night and day to give Nathaniel a bit of time to work through what he had told the wereleopard. He can only imagine what thoughts have been running through Nathaniel's mind since then, and he wants to help if the leopard will allow him close

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[one_of_her_boys]

Nathaniel scents Damian immediately, and he looks up from his book. He's spent the day in his room after leaving Jason's bed, just trying not to think too much. Some of what Jason has said has been rattling about, mixing unpleasantly with the knowledge that he's the only one Anita won't make love with, but for the most part, he's tried to simply not think. Hence, the book.

He sets it aside and sits up in the bed, the sheet and blanket pooled around his lap, his hair loose, creating an auburn cloak about him. Nathaniel thinks to put on a shirt, but Damian came here. His domain, so to speak, and he will remain comfortable. Nathaniel calls out a greeting, his hands in his lap as his eyes remain steady on the door.

[mr_smarty_vamp]

Damian opens the door and enters. It's true, he pauses when his eyes are greeted with the sight of comfortably nude Nathaniel shrouded by auburn hair that many would kill for. Maybe Nathaniel won't notice?

He recovers quickly and closes the door behind him. "If you do not object to my company," he offers, leaving the rest of the sentence unsaid.

[one_of_her_boys]

That is wishful thinking on Damian's part, but Damian's interest in his nudity doesn't faze Nathaniel as it would have two days ago.

"It would be out of character for me to object to anything," Nathaniel bites out, the harsher tone not fitting the usually docile leopard.

[mr_smarty_vamp]

The nudity is suddenly the last thing on his mind. The angry tone is something he should have expected, and he responds calmly, taking only a single step into the room.

"That is not true."

[one_of_her_boys]

Nathaniel looks away from Damian.

"What do you want?"

[mr_smarty_vamp]

Another careful step toward the bed.

"I want to comfort, reassure, and encourage you."

[one_of_her_boys]

"Do you? Then by all means," Nathaniel murmurs, making a sweeping gesture. "Will you tell me what Jason did? That I need to be more dominant with Anita? Tell her what I want and leave no room for argument? That I should give myself a bit of a tune-up, since I've been assured a complete overhaul of who I am isn't quite necessary? Because I've heard it already, and I'm just tired, so I don't really have the fortitude to listen to more advice on how to best change myself to make Anita -- and maybe even Asher -- love me a little more."

[mr_smarty_vamp]

"No," Damian answers with the smallest of frowns. "That is not what I will tell you. I don't believe you need to change like that. The advice you gave me regarding Anita was to do that, but it was a matter of overcoming fear for me. For you, it would mean changing who you are. If you do that just to please her, then you can never be sure if she loves an illusion of you or the real you, the mask rather than what lies behind the veneer. I don't want that any more than you do."

Asserting his needs to Anita is a good thing, but that doesn't mean Nathaniel needs to be dominant. Not in Damian's mind, at least.

[one_of_her_boys]

Nathaniel flops back on his pillows and sighs.

"It doesn't matter. She has all of you. She doesn't need me for anything more than a daily meal."

[mr_smarty_vamp]

Damian finally reaches the bed and sits on the edge of it. He brushes some of his hair behind his ear so his face isn't veiled by it as he looks down at Nathaniel.

"That is a lie I won't let you believe. I may die each morning in the basement, but I have seen you and the others in that household, Nat, and you are not just a tenant to be thrown out on a whim. You cook and clean. You make coffee for everyone on those long nights..."

[one_of_her_boys]

"I'm the houseboy, great. Defined by my kitchen duties and how well I push a vacuum."

Nathaniel rubs his face while shaking his head.

"Thanks, Damian."

[mr_smarty_vamp]

"You misunderstand me, Nathaniel," Damian insists, reaching out and taking Nat's hand in his own.

"You are the one they come home to. You are the one who cares for them when they don't have energy left to care for themselves. You believe what you do means nothing, but it is the very glue that holds the whole household together." Green eyes stare intently down into lilac. "You make it home, Nathaniel. Without you, it would only be a set of rooms used for sleeping. Without you, Anita would run herself to exhaustion, never eat, and then be even more cantankerous and difficult. Without you, Micah would never be able to do what he does for the coalition because he'd be too busy making sure his Nimir-Ra doesn't kill herself. You're their home, Nat. You mean a great deal more to them than they realise."

There. Lecture over. Damian falls silent once again.

[one_of_her_boys]

Nathaniel stares at Damian for a short while, and then looks away.

"I don't mind taking care of everyone," he murmurs. "I don't, especially when everyone protects me as they do. Everyone keeps me safe, and I like giving back what I can for that feeling. But... I sleep beside her, feed her, she arouses me and leaves me and I just... It's exhausting, Damian, to be looked over again and again because you're just so much more broken than everyone else and, therefore, off limits."

[mr_smarty_vamp]

Damian nods his understanding. He might not have been the one so broken that he was cast aside, but he certainly knows what it is like to have pleasure and affection that you crave withheld again and again. It's been the story of his existence.

"We're all broken, Nathaniel. I would that Anita could change her perception of you. You are not a child. You are no more complex than she is, and she shouldn't let the complexity get in the way of her love for you."

[one_of_her_boys]

He gives a shrug.

"But she does, and that's the way it is."

[mr_smarty_vamp]

It hurts to see Nathaniel so resigned. 'Hopeless' is a word he would attribute to himself, not to Nathaniel. Nat always has faith, and he doesn't want that to change.

He is quiet for a minute or two, his thumb absently rubbing over Nathaniel's hand as he thinks.

"She tries so hard to make you into something you are not, someone to protect and love, but never touch," he muses quietly, his eyes settling on their hands. "I don't understand how she can view you as someone without sexual desires, how she can look at you and not know."

It baffles him that Anita would try to take the sexuality out of Nathaniel, who is sensual and sexual by his very nature.