Candy, Cola, & Prison
I just got home from work and we were so busy today that I didn't even get a chance to go get lunch, so I ate nothing but candy and drank soda all day . . . ugh. But I was struck with a revelation today . . .
If I ever go to prison, this is probably what my first letter to my family will be like:
Dear Family,
I haven't slept in two weeks because I'm afraid that if I do, my cellmate will rape me. I also haven't taken a shower in two weeks because I don't want to get made into somebody's girlfriend while rinsing my hair. I figure if I get nasty enough, nobody will want anything to do with my bunghole, so I'll be safe. And if that doesn't work, I can always hang myself with my bed sheet, so I'll manage. And after that, if they're still hard up enough that they want to screw a dirty dead guy, then more power to 'em.
I guess prison's still better than college, because at least this time around the taxpayers are footing the bill for me, and my fellow inmates are considerate enough to be honest about wanting to rape me, instead of trying to put a nice sheen on it like college administrators do. Prison still sucks, though, and killing that guy wasn't as much fun as I thought it was going to be . . . sure as shit ain't worth a decade in here. Maybe I'll just start jerking off and singing along with it ALL the time, and they'll ship me off to a cushy mental ward instead. Or maybe I'll just not take a dump for a week or two and then hang myself with my bed sheet, and leave them a horrible mess to clean up. That'll show 'em.
All in all, prison sucks. If any of you ever decide to kill somebody, either do it without an accomplice, or do it with an accomplice who can actually keep their damned mouth shut.
Yours Truly,
Inmate #9275666
If I ever go to prison, this is probably what my first letter to my family will be like:
Dear Family,
I haven't slept in two weeks because I'm afraid that if I do, my cellmate will rape me. I also haven't taken a shower in two weeks because I don't want to get made into somebody's girlfriend while rinsing my hair. I figure if I get nasty enough, nobody will want anything to do with my bunghole, so I'll be safe. And if that doesn't work, I can always hang myself with my bed sheet, so I'll manage. And after that, if they're still hard up enough that they want to screw a dirty dead guy, then more power to 'em.
I guess prison's still better than college, because at least this time around the taxpayers are footing the bill for me, and my fellow inmates are considerate enough to be honest about wanting to rape me, instead of trying to put a nice sheen on it like college administrators do. Prison still sucks, though, and killing that guy wasn't as much fun as I thought it was going to be . . . sure as shit ain't worth a decade in here. Maybe I'll just start jerking off and singing along with it ALL the time, and they'll ship me off to a cushy mental ward instead. Or maybe I'll just not take a dump for a week or two and then hang myself with my bed sheet, and leave them a horrible mess to clean up. That'll show 'em.
All in all, prison sucks. If any of you ever decide to kill somebody, either do it without an accomplice, or do it with an accomplice who can actually keep their damned mouth shut.
Yours Truly,
Inmate #9275666