Patterns and the World's Greatest Lie
"What's the world's greatest lie?" the boy asked, completely surprised. "It's this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie."
- Paulo Coelho "The Alchemist"
I must admit to being trapped by that lie. In fact, that quote just sought me out. I was looking for another passage within the novel, however, I found this one instead - and it slapped me across the face.
I DO feel as though I have lost control. I DO feel as though some outcomes are inevitable.
There are aspects of my life that follow patterns that are absurdly predictable. I have worked to make changes to my life both concrete (going back to school), and abstract (meditation etc). I do not regret these attempts at altering my life in the least. In fact, I am proud of them. I have lived more in the last two years than I have in the last ten. Many of the experiences will remain with me forever as incredibly fond memories; others were painful lessons I hope never to repeat. However, has this journey led me anywhere? Do I have anything to show aside from memories? Am I any further ahead than I was two years ago?
I do not feel as though I am.
Those ideas that are most important to me still elude me. They taunt me.
Thus far in my life, I am a failure. A giant spectacular failure.
Why? If this is in my control, and it is, why do I always fail? What is it that I do that creates these patterns? What am I doing that makes me fall on my face time after time after time until I feel as though I am simply spending my life hitting my head against a brick wall?
What still need to change? And how do I make that change?
- Paulo Coelho "The Alchemist"
I must admit to being trapped by that lie. In fact, that quote just sought me out. I was looking for another passage within the novel, however, I found this one instead - and it slapped me across the face.
I DO feel as though I have lost control. I DO feel as though some outcomes are inevitable.
There are aspects of my life that follow patterns that are absurdly predictable. I have worked to make changes to my life both concrete (going back to school), and abstract (meditation etc). I do not regret these attempts at altering my life in the least. In fact, I am proud of them. I have lived more in the last two years than I have in the last ten. Many of the experiences will remain with me forever as incredibly fond memories; others were painful lessons I hope never to repeat. However, has this journey led me anywhere? Do I have anything to show aside from memories? Am I any further ahead than I was two years ago?
I do not feel as though I am.
Those ideas that are most important to me still elude me. They taunt me.
Thus far in my life, I am a failure. A giant spectacular failure.
Why? If this is in my control, and it is, why do I always fail? What is it that I do that creates these patterns? What am I doing that makes me fall on my face time after time after time until I feel as though I am simply spending my life hitting my head against a brick wall?
What still need to change? And how do I make that change?