Mr. Monk and the Mysterious Woman

[mr_panophobic]

Natalie! Natalie, pick up! Natalie, please! I just spent the last hour cleaning this thing. Natalie, I need help! I've been kidnapped. I don't know how but I woke up in this strange place and-and-and there's strange people here acting like I'm from here a-a-a-and--

[There's a brief silence, followed by the sounds of someone sounding like they're

Comments

[kol_shevik]

Russia has this problem too.

[mr_panophobic]

I did not order a-a-a-a wife!

[1/2]

[kol_shevik]

Natalia is always at the windows! The doors! Always wanting to be marriedmarriedmarried--

[2/2]

[kol_shevik]

I know where you can order wife!

[mr_panophobic]

I already have a wife! And she's not-not-not that person who's....

....straightening the lampshades....

[kol_shevik]

...is drone? Anya never straightens lampshades! Or cleans. Or cooks. Or stop sending Motherland to couch.

[mr_panophobic]

Someone else mentioned that. What's a drone? I guess.... if she cleans this thoroughly.... it isn't so bad.

But she's not Trudy.

[kol_shevik]

Children who are empty in head. Always smiling and pretending Capitalist Hellhole of Mayfield is happy home that does not need to be purged with all available resources! Do not tell America I have said that, is not violating agreement.

...Trudy? You have said name alot. Is she one you wish to marry? Or Natalie?

[mr_panophobic]

[Hi, crazy person. Monk's not going to acknowledge the first part for now.]

Trudy's my wife. Natalie's my assistant.

[kol_shevik]

You are having two at once? If that is your style, little comrade! Russia does not judge. Russia has 16 Union Republics. Can be very hard to handle.

Phone will not call outside of town.

[mr_panophobic]

No, I--I wouldn't! Natalie is--and Trudy's--[Here. Drone!Wife is conveniently giving him a paper bag to hyperventilate into.]

[kol_shevik]

Count to three, comrade!

[mr_panophobic]

[He does so, then thanks the drone woman who mentions she'll be going back to cleaning and would Adrian like to go for a walk later.] No, no. I-I-I don't think--you're not-- [Fortunately she gets the hint and goes to do the cleaning.]

What's going on? Why does this strange woman think she's my wife?

[kol_shevik]

She is drone. I already say this. Thinks that America's Pig Sty is perfect home and that you are husband. Comrade can lock her in basement and will be quiet eventually.

[mr_panophobic]

I'm not locking an innocent--if delusional--woman in a basement!