[Pokedressing Log 4]
I'm pretty sleepy...so I hope this doesn't come out incoherent, it was a very long but meaningful day today. I learned a lot from it...and I feel a change in myself coming along the way too.
Early today, I saw Bel has arrived at the Island, and she's the Bel of my world...but she's from my past. I was disappointed by this at first, but I realize it could've been much worse. She's only two seasons from my past than say, years from my past. She doesn't...know anything I've told her...which is fine. I guess. On the plus side, that terribly embarrassing thing I did with her is totally forgotten. For now. Anyways.... she met Red and I think they hit it off well, it's rather cute, too, I think they spent the day together I should ask. I'm sure they would be great friends and she has more energy than I so she could venture day after day unlike me. (Even though I do love adventuring.)
For a little while I decided to study more on breeding... I learned a little more and I saw that there was something about 'pokeblocks' and 'poffins'. I remember seeing a bakery somewhere around in the CMA so I went there for a quick visit. It seems like your make your own poffins there. I thought it wouldn't be too hard...but it kind of was. I never done that style of cooking before so it took a few tries, but the people there were nice and I finally got it right. The Munchlaxes there had no qualms about anything there...hahaha.
I wandered around the CMA for awhile and saw another double of me yelling at newly hatched Komatanas. It's probably elitist of me or some word I can't think of right now, but I do get stand offish when I see people having problem taming their pokemon, especially multiples of them. Though one of them, a rare blue colored one was absolutely sweet tempered and so adorable and she let me have her(I really need to repay her someday!) When I helped my other double with the help of Frizzy, my double...informed that their name was Lottie and that they were in fact, a she. I have never seen such a masculine girl before... so it was a shock at first. She also openly, and broadly told me she was lesbian too; that was like a double whammy. The revelation for some reason compelled me to just randomly tell her that I was also gay. It wasn't bad thing because...she not only knew where I was coming from, she experienced more than me and told me some helpful and encouraging things.
Still, after our talk and getting to know her more it gave me a lot to think about. I spent most of the day alone, thinking about things, what to do...what could happen, stuff like that. I did that for hours until I took another thing she said into consideration: finding more people to talk to about it, seeing if it really was going to make things easier. As usual, the person I wanted to see was where he always was and I decided to ask him for a walk because I remembered he talked about how he loved to view the scenery on the boat back in Isshu and the beach has a really nice sunset. It was difficult at first... but I managed to break my own walls down for once.
And I'm so glad that I did.
It was really scary to talk about it at first and it hurt a bit too, but I'm so glad that I did (redundancy.) It was like some kind of cleansing for me, because right afterward I felt so at peace, so much better...but sleepy too. I never talked to anyone about it before in such detail and it was...great? And even better he listened all the way and even laughed here and there and asked questions without being the least bit squicked? I even looked at pictures I haven't for awhile, pictures of N and I, and I even laughed about it too... felt nice remembering those moments and sharing them too. I felt my heart beat in a way it hadn't in awhile...Which was good, it didn't feel nonexistent or heavy and pained, and it still doesn't. Hopefully, this feeling stays because... I don't feel as angry and resentful being 'me' anymore.
I was so happy and felt so much better I gave someone not Bel or Touko a tight hug. I need to practice being a little more opened, not with my heart on my sleeve opened, but not bottling things up like that anymore. I'm making really good friends, and my double is like my twin. So I should be fine, even if it takes practice and time. I really..don't want to leave this place? I see people talk about going home...but if I go home it means losing all the people I met and like, especially my double being in an entirely different dimension than I...but i don't want to think about that. I let out enough emotions for the day. Letting all that out was really draining...and doing it again by writing it down is just as draining... so it's time to get a good night's rest.
Early today, I saw Bel has arrived at the Island, and she's the Bel of my world...but she's from my past. I was disappointed by this at first, but I realize it could've been much worse. She's only two seasons from my past than say, years from my past. She doesn't...know anything I've told her...which is fine. I guess. On the plus side, that terribly embarrassing thing I did with her is totally forgotten. For now. Anyways.... she met Red and I think they hit it off well, it's rather cute, too, I think they spent the day together I should ask. I'm sure they would be great friends and she has more energy than I so she could venture day after day unlike me. (Even though I do love adventuring.)
For a little while I decided to study more on breeding... I learned a little more and I saw that there was something about 'pokeblocks' and 'poffins'. I remember seeing a bakery somewhere around in the CMA so I went there for a quick visit. It seems like your make your own poffins there. I thought it wouldn't be too hard...but it kind of was. I never done that style of cooking before so it took a few tries, but the people there were nice and I finally got it right. The Munchlaxes there had no qualms about anything there...hahaha.
I wandered around the CMA for awhile and saw another double of me yelling at newly hatched Komatanas. It's probably elitist of me or some word I can't think of right now, but I do get stand offish when I see people having problem taming their pokemon, especially multiples of them. Though one of them, a rare blue colored one was absolutely sweet tempered and so adorable and she let me have her(I really need to repay her someday!) When I helped my other double with the help of Frizzy, my double...informed that their name was Lottie and that they were in fact, a she. I have never seen such a masculine girl before... so it was a shock at first. She also openly, and broadly told me she was lesbian too; that was like a double whammy. The revelation for some reason compelled me to just randomly tell her that I was also gay. It wasn't bad thing because...she not only knew where I was coming from, she experienced more than me and told me some helpful and encouraging things.
Still, after our talk and getting to know her more it gave me a lot to think about. I spent most of the day alone, thinking about things, what to do...what could happen, stuff like that. I did that for hours until I took another thing she said into consideration: finding more people to talk to about it, seeing if it really was going to make things easier. As usual, the person I wanted to see was where he always was and I decided to ask him for a walk because I remembered he talked about how he loved to view the scenery on the boat back in Isshu and the beach has a really nice sunset. It was difficult at first... but I managed to break my own walls down for once.
And I'm so glad that I did.
It was really scary to talk about it at first and it hurt a bit too, but I'm so glad that I did (redundancy.) It was like some kind of cleansing for me, because right afterward I felt so at peace, so much better...but sleepy too. I never talked to anyone about it before in such detail and it was...great? And even better he listened all the way and even laughed here and there and asked questions without being the least bit squicked? I even looked at pictures I haven't for awhile, pictures of N and I, and I even laughed about it too... felt nice remembering those moments and sharing them too. I felt my heart beat in a way it hadn't in awhile...Which was good, it didn't feel nonexistent or heavy and pained, and it still doesn't. Hopefully, this feeling stays because... I don't feel as angry and resentful being 'me' anymore.
I was so happy and felt so much better I gave someone not Bel or Touko a tight hug. I need to practice being a little more opened, not with my heart on my sleeve opened, but not bottling things up like that anymore. I'm making really good friends, and my double is like my twin. So I should be fine, even if it takes practice and time. I really..don't want to leave this place? I see people talk about going home...but if I go home it means losing all the people I met and like, especially my double being in an entirely different dimension than I...but i don't want to think about that. I let out enough emotions for the day. Letting all that out was really draining...and doing it again by writing it down is just as draining... so it's time to get a good night's rest.