(no subject)
Where to start? I shouldn’t be surprised. I knew I’d probably be replaced at some point by something younger and adorable. It doesn’t stop it from hurting or sucking so badly, though. I’m trying my best to keep my chin up and biting my lower lip to keep it all back, but it doesn’t work well. He admits to loving me on some level, but there’s no spark. I don’t know why I thought it could be different than it is. I see Michael and Ben and I guess that’s where hope sprang from. Michael loves Ben, but doesn’t feel a spark for him. They’re together; they’re perfectly content and happy. I guess I just thought it’d be possible for Garrett and me, too.
I’m just not young and adorable, and never will be, so he doesn’t see me like that. It really kind of sucks big-time. I’m good enough to have sex with, just not date or be with. I thought maybe in time he’d see me differently...I guess he hasn’t. And it hurts. It really does. This isn't a hurt like Stephen or Danny. I guess I was more attached than I wanted to admit to. And tonight he asked me how to go about catching this Chris. Its sorta like the part of retail I hated. Where no matter what you have to smile and put on a happy face, even though inside you're a crying assball of hot tears clutching to a pint of Ben & Jerry's.
I’m just not young and adorable, and never will be, so he doesn’t see me like that. It really kind of sucks big-time. I’m good enough to have sex with, just not date or be with. I thought maybe in time he’d see me differently...I guess he hasn’t. And it hurts. It really does. This isn't a hurt like Stephen or Danny. I guess I was more attached than I wanted to admit to. And tonight he asked me how to go about catching this Chris. Its sorta like the part of retail I hated. Where no matter what you have to smile and put on a happy face, even though inside you're a crying assball of hot tears clutching to a pint of Ben & Jerry's.