The Continuing Misadventures of Vilma and Ternaldo - The Hippopotami
I was going through some of my old files, and I stumbled across my old friends Vilma and Ternaldo, who I have missed greatly. I am going to write more about them, I've decided, but I would like to introduce you to them before I do. Today, I give you the epic saga of Vilma and Ternaldo and the Hippopotami. Enjoy!
~ ~ ~
The Continuing Misadventures of Vilma and Ternaldo - The Hippopotami
Scene: In the Bolshenka kitchen. Old pioneer-age type kitchen, with a woodstove and a waterpump! There is a wooden table with two chairs in the middle. There is also a trapdoor in the floor that is open. TERNALDO stands by the trapdoor, arms crossed over his chest. VILMA sits in a chair. The Bolshenkas speak with very bad, very stereotypical Russian accents.
TERNALDO: Would you mind explaining this to me please, Vilma?
VILMA: What needs explaining, I ask?
TERNALDO: Vilma, you know exactly what needs explaining to me. Don't play dumb, I know your tricks.
VILMA: I will not explain it to you, you overstuffed clam!
TERNALDO: Don't call me an overstuffed clam, woman!
VILMA: I will call you whatever I want, you chicken-fried eggplant.
TERNALDO: Listen here, you! Explain to me what in the world possessed you to bring that thing down there.
VILMA: I will explain it to you when you explain to me why you are spending so much time over at Widow Kotchka's house.
TERNALDO: That is beside the point!
VILMA: Is it?
TERNALDO: Vilma, I go to Widow Kotchka's house because she bakes the most delightful cookies in all of Kroketskiya and she always gives me free ones!
VILMA: Are you saying that my cookies aren't delightful?
TERNALDO: Vilma...
VILMA: I am not satisfied with your answer.
TERNALDO: How did this conversation turn around to make me the villain? Vilma, we are talking about why you would shove a hippopotamous into our root cellar. I cannot comprehend this.
VILMA: I like it down there, where else would I put it?
TERNALDO: Let me rephrase the question. Why would you feel it necessary to shove a hippopotamous into our root cellar?
VILMA: Because it wouldn't fit in the closet!
TERNALDO: No, no, let me rephrase the question again. Why would you bring a hippopotamous into our house at all?
VILMA: Because it was too cold outside.
TERNALDO: Agh!
VILMA: I do not see why you are complaining. I've already had it down there for three months now.
TERNALDO: Three months?! Where did you get it from?
VILMA: Just between you and me, it fell off the back of the truck if you know what I mean.
TERNALDO: You mean to say that you stole the hippopotamous?!
VILMA: I would not say that I stole the hippopotamous. Let's just say that I am borrowing it, how you say, long term.
TERNALDO: I am in complete shock.
VILMA: Why?
TERNALDO: What in the world are you going to need a hippopotamous for?
VILMA: Hippopotami.
TERNALDO: What?
VILMA: Hippopotami. Is plural of hippopotamous.
TERNALDO: No it's not! Is hippopotamouses.
VILMA: Think about what you just said.
TERNALDO: What did I say? Hippopotamouses makes sense!
VILMA: No it doesn't. You idiot.
TERNALDO: Once again, this is beside the point. Vilma, what do you mean by... more than one hippopotamous?
VILMA: I mean the hippopotamous is going to have a baby.
TERNALDO: You mean to say that you stole a pregnant hippopotamous?!
VILMA: You have a problem with that?
TERNALDO: Ay yi... What do you want a pregnant hippopotamous for?
VILMA: What does anyone want a pregnant hippopotamous for? I'm going to train it and its baby to ballet dance. Like in Fantasia!
TERNALDO: I -
VILMA: Fantasia would not lie to me, Ternaldo.
TERNALDO: I did not say Fantasia would lie to you, Vilma.
VILMA: I knew what you were thinking.
TERNALDO: Vilma, this is crazy. I do not understand how you got it into the house in the first place, but there is no way that it can stay.
VILMA: It has a name, you know.
TERNALDO: Oh god. You mean to say that you gave it a name?
VILMA: Of course I did, why wouldn't I? Her name is Nadia. It's pretty name!
TERNALDO: I -
VILMA: It's a beautiful name, Ternaldo.
TERNALDO: I did not say that it was not a beautiful name, Vilma.
VILMA: I knew what you were thinking.
TERNALDO: Vilma, we cannot keep the hippopotamous. How will we support it?
VILMA: It supports itself. It makes money, you know.
TERNALDO: Money, you say? I am intrigued.
VILMA: People come to see my hippopotamous. Is like a circus attraction.
TERNALDO: Hrm. Perhaps I could live with Dahlia -
VILMA: Nadia!
TERNALDO: Whatever! Point being, I could allow the hippopotamous to stay so long as it earns its keep.
VILMA: It's not like you could make me get rid of it anyways.
TERNALDO: That is beside the point, Vilma. (he looks into the cellar) What is that it's sitting in, anyways?
VILMA: Is the kiddie pool.
TERNALDO: You put it in my kiddie pool?! My mother gave me that kiddie pool!
VILMA: Your mother is a crazy old hag!
TERNALDO: Don't talk about my mother that way, woman!
VILMA: I'll talk to you any way I want to!
TERNALDO: This is ridiculous! I am going to Widow Kotchka's house.
VILMA: You wouldn't dare.
TERNALDO: Just watch me, Vilma. (he storms out)
VILMA: (shouting) For this, Ternaldo, I am keeping my hippopotamous! Hippopotami!!
End.
~ ~ ~
The Continuing Misadventures of Vilma and Ternaldo - The Hippopotami
Scene: In the Bolshenka kitchen. Old pioneer-age type kitchen, with a woodstove and a waterpump! There is a wooden table with two chairs in the middle. There is also a trapdoor in the floor that is open. TERNALDO stands by the trapdoor, arms crossed over his chest. VILMA sits in a chair. The Bolshenkas speak with very bad, very stereotypical Russian accents.
TERNALDO: Would you mind explaining this to me please, Vilma?
VILMA: What needs explaining, I ask?
TERNALDO: Vilma, you know exactly what needs explaining to me. Don't play dumb, I know your tricks.
VILMA: I will not explain it to you, you overstuffed clam!
TERNALDO: Don't call me an overstuffed clam, woman!
VILMA: I will call you whatever I want, you chicken-fried eggplant.
TERNALDO: Listen here, you! Explain to me what in the world possessed you to bring that thing down there.
VILMA: I will explain it to you when you explain to me why you are spending so much time over at Widow Kotchka's house.
TERNALDO: That is beside the point!
VILMA: Is it?
TERNALDO: Vilma, I go to Widow Kotchka's house because she bakes the most delightful cookies in all of Kroketskiya and she always gives me free ones!
VILMA: Are you saying that my cookies aren't delightful?
TERNALDO: Vilma...
VILMA: I am not satisfied with your answer.
TERNALDO: How did this conversation turn around to make me the villain? Vilma, we are talking about why you would shove a hippopotamous into our root cellar. I cannot comprehend this.
VILMA: I like it down there, where else would I put it?
TERNALDO: Let me rephrase the question. Why would you feel it necessary to shove a hippopotamous into our root cellar?
VILMA: Because it wouldn't fit in the closet!
TERNALDO: No, no, let me rephrase the question again. Why would you bring a hippopotamous into our house at all?
VILMA: Because it was too cold outside.
TERNALDO: Agh!
VILMA: I do not see why you are complaining. I've already had it down there for three months now.
TERNALDO: Three months?! Where did you get it from?
VILMA: Just between you and me, it fell off the back of the truck if you know what I mean.
TERNALDO: You mean to say that you stole the hippopotamous?!
VILMA: I would not say that I stole the hippopotamous. Let's just say that I am borrowing it, how you say, long term.
TERNALDO: I am in complete shock.
VILMA: Why?
TERNALDO: What in the world are you going to need a hippopotamous for?
VILMA: Hippopotami.
TERNALDO: What?
VILMA: Hippopotami. Is plural of hippopotamous.
TERNALDO: No it's not! Is hippopotamouses.
VILMA: Think about what you just said.
TERNALDO: What did I say? Hippopotamouses makes sense!
VILMA: No it doesn't. You idiot.
TERNALDO: Once again, this is beside the point. Vilma, what do you mean by... more than one hippopotamous?
VILMA: I mean the hippopotamous is going to have a baby.
TERNALDO: You mean to say that you stole a pregnant hippopotamous?!
VILMA: You have a problem with that?
TERNALDO: Ay yi... What do you want a pregnant hippopotamous for?
VILMA: What does anyone want a pregnant hippopotamous for? I'm going to train it and its baby to ballet dance. Like in Fantasia!
TERNALDO: I -
VILMA: Fantasia would not lie to me, Ternaldo.
TERNALDO: I did not say Fantasia would lie to you, Vilma.
VILMA: I knew what you were thinking.
TERNALDO: Vilma, this is crazy. I do not understand how you got it into the house in the first place, but there is no way that it can stay.
VILMA: It has a name, you know.
TERNALDO: Oh god. You mean to say that you gave it a name?
VILMA: Of course I did, why wouldn't I? Her name is Nadia. It's pretty name!
TERNALDO: I -
VILMA: It's a beautiful name, Ternaldo.
TERNALDO: I did not say that it was not a beautiful name, Vilma.
VILMA: I knew what you were thinking.
TERNALDO: Vilma, we cannot keep the hippopotamous. How will we support it?
VILMA: It supports itself. It makes money, you know.
TERNALDO: Money, you say? I am intrigued.
VILMA: People come to see my hippopotamous. Is like a circus attraction.
TERNALDO: Hrm. Perhaps I could live with Dahlia -
VILMA: Nadia!
TERNALDO: Whatever! Point being, I could allow the hippopotamous to stay so long as it earns its keep.
VILMA: It's not like you could make me get rid of it anyways.
TERNALDO: That is beside the point, Vilma. (he looks into the cellar) What is that it's sitting in, anyways?
VILMA: Is the kiddie pool.
TERNALDO: You put it in my kiddie pool?! My mother gave me that kiddie pool!
VILMA: Your mother is a crazy old hag!
TERNALDO: Don't talk about my mother that way, woman!
VILMA: I'll talk to you any way I want to!
TERNALDO: This is ridiculous! I am going to Widow Kotchka's house.
VILMA: You wouldn't dare.
TERNALDO: Just watch me, Vilma. (he storms out)
VILMA: (shouting) For this, Ternaldo, I am keeping my hippopotamous! Hippopotami!!
End.