Thoughts on the word 'Queer'
‘Queer’ is this lovely catch-all term that seems to have become increasingly popular in the GLBTQTT2SETC community, and I have to say that I'm starting to call myself queer far more often than ‘gay.’ That's of course not to say that it is a new term. Far from it, really, considering that the Oxford Dictionary indicates it coming into popular use around the same time as ‘gay’ in the 1930’s. To me, it seems that ‘gay’ has been in much wider use than ‘queer’ up until fairly recently, but I suppose that could just be in my own experience, given that I am only 22.
My point is that, to me, ‘gay’ has always seemed to have some kind of off-tone ring to it, because it technically means 'happy,' and I don't always associate myself with happiness. Not to say that I'm not a happy person from time to time, of course. Fun-loving and fancy free, frolicking in the forest kind of thing. In any case, it seemed somewhat false to me to describe myself as ‘gay.’
‘Queer,’ however, seems to work infinitely better, and let me tell you why. Firstly, let us have the Oxford definition of the word (Yes, the actual Oxford English Dictionary which I miraculously have access to):
1. a. Strange, odd, peculiar, eccentric, in appearance or character. Also, of questionable character, suspicious, dubious. queer fellow, an eccentric person.
b. Of a person (usu. a man): homosexual.
There were a few other definitions apart from these two, but they don’t really relate to my point here, so I have left them out. It is these two that really illustrate my fondness for the word.
To be odd. Strange. Peculiar. Etc. This is the definition that seems to me to be important here. Because that is what we are, in comparison to, shall we say, 'normal' society. I've long since given up pretending that I am normal or like everyone else. That's a bit of a facetious fantasy, I feel, and frankly I don't want to be like everyone else anymore. I got over that a couple of years ago. I am different, and when it comes down to it that is what queer means. Different. Not gay, not happy, but different.
I feel that this defines who I am much better than the word gay, and let's face it, we like our labels. We can try to deny it all we like but human beings like labels. We like to give things names and understand them, or least pretend we do. And I really do feel that this search for a label, for an identity, is what defines us at this time. We live in this unsure age of a paradox of frightening individuality and conformity, urged to discover who we are as singular people but also pressed together in groups and told to be like our fellows. “Be yourself, so long as it is like everyone else.” It can get very confusing, and I think that our reaction to that confusion, or least my reaction, has been to search rather desperately for an identity that I can call my own - to understand my ‘me-ness,’ if you will. The word 'queer' seems to fit into this rather well.
I have a bit of an issue with Oxford saying the word tends to define usually a male homosexual. I think they're rather a bit behind the times on that one and ought to at least check out the Wikipedia article on queer theory and such. It's this wonderful encompassing term that doesn't really confine you to a rigid set of standards. It's not like, say, the label ‘Catholic’ or ‘Albanian’ or even ‘white.’ Being queer simply requires you to be different. And really, isn't that everyone? Of course saying that everyone is queer doesn't work very well, since the vast majority of people seem to balk at even the hint that they might not be just like everyone else, despite the idea that being different is the one thing that we all are. In any case, it broadens our community to include people from all walks of life. Persons who do not fit into the norm and recognize that, identify with it and use that as a way of identifying. It's kind of nice to know that I can identify with a proudly single parent, a childless heterosexual couple, a transgendered but not transsexual person, and a so-called 'garden variety' lesbian all at the same time, because we're all queer.
It isn't necessarily a nice word. It certainly has some negative connotations. ‘Queer’ is often interpreted as being ‘wrong,’ and I can certainly understand that, whether or not I agree with it. By its very nature ‘queer’ must be against the norm, and that's scary. Yet it defines me so very well, because it's not just about my sexuality, like ‘gay’ supposedly is. It's about who I am and how I view myself. I've stopped believing that I need to be just like everyone else. I revel in my difference, enjoy that I am peculiar.
In the end, I think that being queer means being different, just like everyone else, and that’s the kind of paradox I can get behind.