Down with apathy!
On new meds. I feel like a real person again, which is good and bad. The good part is obvious, the bad is that I have to actually deal with real people emotions. When they had me on the other meds, I was just numb. That was useful for a time because the negative feelings were too overwhelming. One of the things that's coming through now is a little anxiety over things like my job, my future, and other everyday things but it's okay because it feels normal. I can talk myself down from my negative thoughts. I don't feel like giving up like I used to.
The new band is going well. Better than expected, actually. For awhile now I've been thinking that I would quit doing the band thing and go into recording when the excitement died down, but we got a very good response from a small number of people at our last show so I think we might be on to something. Maybe they were just being nice or it was some sort of fluke. Still, I compare this band to others in our genre and I think we have a chance. All we have to do is get our recordings out there and play some out of town shows and I think we'll get the ball rolling.
Otherwise, I wouldn't mind just being a recording guy. I'd still be involved in a creative process, many more and more often in fact. I wouldn't have to worry about practicing the same songs multiple times a week, instead I'd get a new batch of songs with every project. Writing songs is okay I guess, but I'd much rather capture unique sounds and put them together into great sounding recordings. All in all, being in a band has been tedious and mostly unrewarding, while recording allows me to be a part of something fresh and new a lot more often.
So, in some ways, I'm almost hoping the band doesn't work out, but I can't argue with the response we've gotten so far. I've always wanted to be in a band that at least a few people really liked... okay, maybe a few hundred? I'm just tired of the apathy I've faced in the past. That's worse than being hated. Give me a group of die-hard fans and I'll be in heaven. Otherwise, I'll be handling the microphones and cables and making sure it happens for someone else.
The new band is going well. Better than expected, actually. For awhile now I've been thinking that I would quit doing the band thing and go into recording when the excitement died down, but we got a very good response from a small number of people at our last show so I think we might be on to something. Maybe they were just being nice or it was some sort of fluke. Still, I compare this band to others in our genre and I think we have a chance. All we have to do is get our recordings out there and play some out of town shows and I think we'll get the ball rolling.
Otherwise, I wouldn't mind just being a recording guy. I'd still be involved in a creative process, many more and more often in fact. I wouldn't have to worry about practicing the same songs multiple times a week, instead I'd get a new batch of songs with every project. Writing songs is okay I guess, but I'd much rather capture unique sounds and put them together into great sounding recordings. All in all, being in a band has been tedious and mostly unrewarding, while recording allows me to be a part of something fresh and new a lot more often.
So, in some ways, I'm almost hoping the band doesn't work out, but I can't argue with the response we've gotten so far. I've always wanted to be in a band that at least a few people really liked... okay, maybe a few hundred? I'm just tired of the apathy I've faced in the past. That's worse than being hated. Give me a group of die-hard fans and I'll be in heaven. Otherwise, I'll be handling the microphones and cables and making sure it happens for someone else.