Yesterday's News

Jul 10, 2008 11:56

20.
The Confusing Curse of the Talking Head. Part 3 of 3:
Hundreds screamed their last as Sarbox the Destroyer brought death to the halls of the Scribliopartheum of Maz. And as his weapon screamed through the air, his belt of eighteen severed heads sang dark prophecy to him. The others, the seventeen Ghost Brides of WuXa moaned a tale of their woe for the dark warrior. They were made to take corpses as lovers and form a dark pact, together to raise their horrible wraith babies as Princesses of Hell. But they had been tricked! For it was the wicked woman who had forged this pact who became the Princess of Hell in their place! The unknown soldier crooned for Sarbox a tale of his sister’s woe. For she was made to be chastised and banished from the halls of the Scribliopartheum based on the advise of the Black Seers of Ab-Sur! And only her brother could save her and lead her to home. Sarbox cared little for the woes of his talking heads, and laid waste to all the school around him. Gradually he came to the dark Torture Halls of the Headmaster’s Office. There he found the Murderer of Ghost Brides, the Tormentrix of the Soldier’s Sister, the Queen of Seduction! Anastasia de Sade! The fury and destruction of Sarbox the Destroyer came to an immediate halt, as the eighteen heads of his grizzly belt wailed accusations at the Daughter of Iniquity. Sarbox the Destroyer beheaded the sister in one clean snick of his terrible blade and laid her to rest beside what remained of her undying brother. And with that, Sarbox fell to his knees before Anastasia de Sade, for her greatest title was the Herald of the Coming Darkness of That Which Must Know No Name, and this made her sister to Sarbox the Destroyer. This, finally, silenced the heads.

This 3-parter has been based on three separate news stories with nods to another two. Massive piles of cool points to anyone who can name all three.

Please, folks, please keep sending me e-mail with suggestions of other horrible news stories for me to maim...because I'm not sure Jesse Jackson wanting to cut off Barack Obama's nuts can get me through a full 300 words. And, after that, I'm running close to empty.
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