Not Goode, Virgil
For days now, I’ve been planning my next major rant. I haven’t actually BEEN ranting before now, for the simple reason that it’s the Christmas season and I have a sort of tendency to become disgustingly good natured during this time of year. I have an image to maintain, dammit, and you, my little snarklings, have no interest in reading a bunch of sappy crappy from this Electric Bastard about how much he loves the singing children and the reindeer and the fake snow and the tacky house decorations. No, sir.
But I do have a rant…and by gum, the news article I just read on CNN has given me the spite, ire, piss and vinegar to put me in a true mood to write it. The rant has little to nothing to do with the article, mind you…this article is another rant entirely. But there will be more ranting to follow! My Christmas present to all of you.
Hey there, Virginia! Remember waaaaaaaay back last month when we narrowly avoided electing an all-but self-confirmed racist to the United States Senate? There was that whole thing about him looking hurt and betrayed when he found out his otherwise pure, Aryan blood was tainted with the stink of jewishness. There was that hilarious indictment of southern republicans where he called the ONE black guy in a whole room of white people Macaca and the old rednecks cheered him on for doing it. Well, today has proven that if I ever run for political office and want to capture that republican vote, all I have to do is go into a debate against a rival black candidate and answer every one of his assertions with, “Shut the fuck up, coon!” because My Commonwealth has slipped yet another unfortunate notch today, and some dumb shit like that MIGHT just get me elected.
http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/12/20/lawmaker.koran/index.html?eref=rss_topstories
Read it, fuckers. Did you read it? READ IT, FUCKERS!
Boy, we sure dodged putting that senator in a high publicity position so he can make us look like the new Mississippi. Boy, it sure is a good thing we don’t have some BONEHEAD in fucking CONGRESS flailing his personal beliefs about ostracism, xenophobia, jingoism and self-centrism around in front of ROLLING CAMERAS! Whoopsie-daisy! We DO…damn the luck.
“I fear,” he says. “I FEAR that in the next century we will have many more muslims in the United States.” Well, which next century are we talking about? It’s not 1999 anymore, bozo. Are we talking over the next hundred years starting now or are we talking 2101-2200? Because I’m honestly starting to wonder if the human race is going to MAKE IT to 2200 at the rate we’re going…and total cultural annihilation pretty much implies that there will be decidedly FEWER of everything…muslims, Christians…those guys with the funny hats. Everything but the cockroaches. And me. Because the sheer force of my astonishing disappointment and rage will form an impenetrable force field around me. I trust in this, explicitly.
The little anecdote at the end about the muslim student…did anybody else read that as some otherwise inquisitive, young, fresh-faced college student wondering a reasonable question and him responding, “Shut the fuck up, coon! And get your godless savage ass out of my office, PRONTO!” Because that MIGHT just be me.
The apology. And not JUST to the muslim community, but to the Council on American-Islamist Relations…the guys who are trying to smooth over all the ruffled and mussed bedsheets we left in Iraq when we kicked down the door, fucked them in the ass and stopped calling the next morning. The people who are trying to get things back under control were probably saying, “Oh, don’t worry, guys. That kind of race-based bigotry is a thing of the past, we just elected a brand new congress and got rid of all those old-timey guys with the outdated beliefs…ooh, what’s this in the mail…a letter from Virgil Goode…in the spirit of togetherness, let’s you and me read this together, my Islamic friend.”
Okay…let’s get this straight once and for all. The reason there is still an insurgency in Iraq…is because we are still there and we are still shooting people. Our relations with the muslim world right now are completely in the toilet, and it’s all because we listened to a handful of fucking cowboys like this guy and our beloved cokehead President. It is because people with this kind of insane attitude are allowed to REPRESENT A MILLION FUCKING PEOPLE that we are still, as a country, jumping at our own shadows.
This jingoistic shithead thinks America belongs to white Christians. That this is a nation not based on cultural unity and religious freedom, but based on separatism and xenophobia. This guy thinks we need to keep the different people from moving in and furthering the cause of universal integration. This guy thinks we should keep the muslims in muslim land and the white people in white people land. And do you know what my 1/16th Cherokee ass says to that? GET THE FUCK OFF MY HOMELAND, PALEFACE! YOU’VE ALREADY RUINED IT ENOUGH!
Tomorrow: I will somehow segue from a psychotic review of a psychotic movie to a HUGE rant about how to solve the scientific problems of the world. BE THERE! And Happy Holidays.
But I do have a rant…and by gum, the news article I just read on CNN has given me the spite, ire, piss and vinegar to put me in a true mood to write it. The rant has little to nothing to do with the article, mind you…this article is another rant entirely. But there will be more ranting to follow! My Christmas present to all of you.
Hey there, Virginia! Remember waaaaaaaay back last month when we narrowly avoided electing an all-but self-confirmed racist to the United States Senate? There was that whole thing about him looking hurt and betrayed when he found out his otherwise pure, Aryan blood was tainted with the stink of jewishness. There was that hilarious indictment of southern republicans where he called the ONE black guy in a whole room of white people Macaca and the old rednecks cheered him on for doing it. Well, today has proven that if I ever run for political office and want to capture that republican vote, all I have to do is go into a debate against a rival black candidate and answer every one of his assertions with, “Shut the fuck up, coon!” because My Commonwealth has slipped yet another unfortunate notch today, and some dumb shit like that MIGHT just get me elected.
http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/12/20/lawmaker.koran/index.html?eref=rss_topstories
Read it, fuckers. Did you read it? READ IT, FUCKERS!
Boy, we sure dodged putting that senator in a high publicity position so he can make us look like the new Mississippi. Boy, it sure is a good thing we don’t have some BONEHEAD in fucking CONGRESS flailing his personal beliefs about ostracism, xenophobia, jingoism and self-centrism around in front of ROLLING CAMERAS! Whoopsie-daisy! We DO…damn the luck.
“I fear,” he says. “I FEAR that in the next century we will have many more muslims in the United States.” Well, which next century are we talking about? It’s not 1999 anymore, bozo. Are we talking over the next hundred years starting now or are we talking 2101-2200? Because I’m honestly starting to wonder if the human race is going to MAKE IT to 2200 at the rate we’re going…and total cultural annihilation pretty much implies that there will be decidedly FEWER of everything…muslims, Christians…those guys with the funny hats. Everything but the cockroaches. And me. Because the sheer force of my astonishing disappointment and rage will form an impenetrable force field around me. I trust in this, explicitly.
The little anecdote at the end about the muslim student…did anybody else read that as some otherwise inquisitive, young, fresh-faced college student wondering a reasonable question and him responding, “Shut the fuck up, coon! And get your godless savage ass out of my office, PRONTO!” Because that MIGHT just be me.
The apology. And not JUST to the muslim community, but to the Council on American-Islamist Relations…the guys who are trying to smooth over all the ruffled and mussed bedsheets we left in Iraq when we kicked down the door, fucked them in the ass and stopped calling the next morning. The people who are trying to get things back under control were probably saying, “Oh, don’t worry, guys. That kind of race-based bigotry is a thing of the past, we just elected a brand new congress and got rid of all those old-timey guys with the outdated beliefs…ooh, what’s this in the mail…a letter from Virgil Goode…in the spirit of togetherness, let’s you and me read this together, my Islamic friend.”
Okay…let’s get this straight once and for all. The reason there is still an insurgency in Iraq…is because we are still there and we are still shooting people. Our relations with the muslim world right now are completely in the toilet, and it’s all because we listened to a handful of fucking cowboys like this guy and our beloved cokehead President. It is because people with this kind of insane attitude are allowed to REPRESENT A MILLION FUCKING PEOPLE that we are still, as a country, jumping at our own shadows.
This jingoistic shithead thinks America belongs to white Christians. That this is a nation not based on cultural unity and religious freedom, but based on separatism and xenophobia. This guy thinks we need to keep the different people from moving in and furthering the cause of universal integration. This guy thinks we should keep the muslims in muslim land and the white people in white people land. And do you know what my 1/16th Cherokee ass says to that? GET THE FUCK OFF MY HOMELAND, PALEFACE! YOU’VE ALREADY RUINED IT ENOUGH!
Tomorrow: I will somehow segue from a psychotic review of a psychotic movie to a HUGE rant about how to solve the scientific problems of the world. BE THERE! And Happy Holidays.