(no subject)
I had some crazy dreaming last night. First off, I remember a segment where I was staring at myself in the mirror focusing on how aged my head looked. I was losing my hair and whatever was left was turning white; I had liverspots all over. I know what this means, but I hate what it reminds me of. What once seemed like an eternity of possibilities is now starting to narrow into a countdown to the end. Granted, I still should be too young to think about stuff like this, and maybe that's what bugs me even more. Why am I not enjoying my youth?!
Later on in my subconscious delusions, I remember myself sitting parked in my car or bike (I can't remember) outside of a emptied commercial building (like an up-scale pool construction showroom or something) on a weekend evening in a deserted commercial district. Off to the east in the distance, I could see a spectacular fireworks display just above the trees. I felt as if I knew where this was going on, but yet I had no idea what the occassion was. To the west, I saw some bizarre structure in the sky. It reminded me of the beginning of that HBO movie a while back: Chevy Chase in the Invisible Man. There were chunks of what looked like puzzle pieces to some kind of atmospheric or orbital structure hovering in place as it was being assemled. I remember wondering if the two instances were connected; was there some kind of celebration to some new space-age technology discovery? Or was I imagining life happening without me as I was busy chasing a phantom of something desirable in the empty streets at night.
This may sound pessimistic in general, but maybe it's a warning. A warning that I know what my current habits will result in. That I've known for a long time. That what I haven't been doing was looking at life through an adventurous lens. I'm rambling by this point. I've never been a believer that dreams are revelations about anything our minds don't already know. That is, dreams are only a reconstruction of our already present thoughts in an order we just haven't allowed ourselves to construct. I've never thought about what I would look like being old with such vividness or emotionality. Perhaps this dream was the followthrough of ideas I've already had in the past, but have limited my thought about. Or maybe that NyQuil is just that strong...