operator shell
my friend mr k is in finland trying to convince people to be mormons. hes been there for a year and i emailed him for the first time a few days ago. how did i put it off so long? the good thing is, he's apparently forgiven me. or at least enough to reply to my mail. the bad thing is, this is just another thing i owe someone. lets dive deep:
1. my father
--he has always put me above all things and would do anything to help me succeed. so far ive repaid it by living here for free and being a jackass at the same time. he should have kicked me out long ago and i conflicted as to why he hasnt. my theory is that he wants me to learn to do things on my own, but then, how much room to fail should i get? where is the line between this and coddling? wherever it is, im certainly the one thats crossed it. i dont know what i could ever do to make up for the things hes done for me.
2. ericks
--he went to a three day weekend concert event in chicago with his girlfriend. while there, he was counting on a paycheck to be auto deposited. it didnt look like it was going to, and things would get rough without it. he called me up and asked if i would pick up his physical paycheck from work out in olathe or something. i froze. standing in silence, i contemplated the legal implications of depositing his check until he finally said "dont worry about it". obviously i had said it all by hesitating so long. later when i had time to think about it, there were no legal implications. everything would have been A-OK. i can never make up for the silence unless something else comes along that i can bail him out of selflessly. were still friends, but i cant help but wonder how friendly we really are.
3. my mother
--didnt get her anything for christmas. yeah im broke, but surely i could have scraped something together. somebody fucking smack me. smack the fucking shit out of me
1. my father
--he has always put me above all things and would do anything to help me succeed. so far ive repaid it by living here for free and being a jackass at the same time. he should have kicked me out long ago and i conflicted as to why he hasnt. my theory is that he wants me to learn to do things on my own, but then, how much room to fail should i get? where is the line between this and coddling? wherever it is, im certainly the one thats crossed it. i dont know what i could ever do to make up for the things hes done for me.
2. ericks
--he went to a three day weekend concert event in chicago with his girlfriend. while there, he was counting on a paycheck to be auto deposited. it didnt look like it was going to, and things would get rough without it. he called me up and asked if i would pick up his physical paycheck from work out in olathe or something. i froze. standing in silence, i contemplated the legal implications of depositing his check until he finally said "dont worry about it". obviously i had said it all by hesitating so long. later when i had time to think about it, there were no legal implications. everything would have been A-OK. i can never make up for the silence unless something else comes along that i can bail him out of selflessly. were still friends, but i cant help but wonder how friendly we really are.
3. my mother
--didnt get her anything for christmas. yeah im broke, but surely i could have scraped something together. somebody fucking smack me. smack the fucking shit out of me