PC woe
Here I detail the trials and tribulations I had with my PC last night for everyones amusement. I am, for those who don't know, a complete technofucktard.
(copied from an email I sent this morning. For those of you who don't know them, John and Rich are the two long suffering friends who always have to sort out my fuck ups with computers. They are long suffering, and very tolerant. Bless them.)
Also, for your amusement, here is my PC saga from last night. (John was on the other end of the phone alternately laughing at and abusing me, so I'm sure he can fill in any details i miss).
It all begins innocently enough. John has researched my mobo on the internet, and found that it is not compatible with some speeds of ram unless the bios settings are altered. I don't know what speed of ram I have off the top of my head, but can read the sticks inside the pc.
The ram is pc2700 333. A type that the bios needs changing for. Could it be that I am only seconds away from a flawless pc? I move some wires over to check both sticks are identical. The plastic catch on the wire hits the cpu fan and snaps one of the blades off. Fan starts to whir loudly.
I don't panic. I go to PC world for a replacement fan. The bloke there tells me they don't sell them. He has the good grace to look a tad sheepish when I point out they are a pc superstore, in acidic tones. I go to Maplins. They sell me a new heatsink and fan. £20. Small price to pay.
I go home. I try to remove the old heatsink and fan. It is quite tricky and involves some small measure of applied brutality. Later Both John and Rich confirm this is not good. But that's later, right at that time I was feeling smug. Finally I was doing something to my PC all by myself.
I try and bed in the new heatsink and fan. Much pushing, pulling and wiggling later (about 15 minutes) I remove the powersupply so I can reach the catches I need to. By this point heat resistant silicone paste is smeared everywhere. I clean it up with an old cloth.
I notice I have been trying to bed the heatsink in the wrong way round. I clean off more stray paste and turn it round. By this time the motherboard is starting to move about a bit. I pay this no mind. Later I find out this is not a good sign, but for now I don't care, as my desire to attach new heatsink has become an insane obsession.
I attach the heatsink! The right way round! Though I have to prise the last catch down with a screwdriver, which slips off and dings random things inside the case / on the mobo a couple of times. I assure myself these things are sturdy and all will be ok.
I re attach the powersupply, and have immense difficulty screwing it back in. I hold my temper with a little effort, and try and work out why it isn't playing the game. 5 minutes later I turn it the right way round and screw it in with ease. I smoke 2 cigarettes. I feel like I need another but continue with my mission. Calm is eluding me.
I put the computer back to it's normal position. My task here is done! Time to crack on. I allow myself a feeling of satisfaction that I have done this alone, technof**ktard or not.
I turn the pc on. Nothing happens. I feel on the verge of tears. rage and frustration vie for power inside me, but i suppress them and phone John, who laughs at me whilst I sound pathetic.
I follow his advice and re seat the grfx card and various other things. Nothing works. The motherboard doesn't beep, which confuses John as it should do, and these beeps would lead to the problem like a trail of pie crumbs lead to a fat boy. In the dim recesses of memory I remember that when I hooked everything up in the first place I couldn't find where the case speaker plugs into the mobo so didn't bother. This explains lack of beeps. John mocks me some more. I feel a bit silly.
PC starts to turn itself on and off should I touch the grfx card. This is odd, but could be linked to the fact the mobo is now quite loose, and moves if it, or the things attached to it, are touched.
John makes me turn it off and phone Rich. Rich mocks me, but offers to look at it tonight. I go and watch telly. Both John and Rich tell me, in no uncertain terms, that I am not to touch the pc again at all until Rich arrives.
I sulk.
(copied from an email I sent this morning. For those of you who don't know them, John and Rich are the two long suffering friends who always have to sort out my fuck ups with computers. They are long suffering, and very tolerant. Bless them.)
Also, for your amusement, here is my PC saga from last night. (John was on the other end of the phone alternately laughing at and abusing me, so I'm sure he can fill in any details i miss).
It all begins innocently enough. John has researched my mobo on the internet, and found that it is not compatible with some speeds of ram unless the bios settings are altered. I don't know what speed of ram I have off the top of my head, but can read the sticks inside the pc.
The ram is pc2700 333. A type that the bios needs changing for. Could it be that I am only seconds away from a flawless pc? I move some wires over to check both sticks are identical. The plastic catch on the wire hits the cpu fan and snaps one of the blades off. Fan starts to whir loudly.
I don't panic. I go to PC world for a replacement fan. The bloke there tells me they don't sell them. He has the good grace to look a tad sheepish when I point out they are a pc superstore, in acidic tones. I go to Maplins. They sell me a new heatsink and fan. £20. Small price to pay.
I go home. I try to remove the old heatsink and fan. It is quite tricky and involves some small measure of applied brutality. Later Both John and Rich confirm this is not good. But that's later, right at that time I was feeling smug. Finally I was doing something to my PC all by myself.
I try and bed in the new heatsink and fan. Much pushing, pulling and wiggling later (about 15 minutes) I remove the powersupply so I can reach the catches I need to. By this point heat resistant silicone paste is smeared everywhere. I clean it up with an old cloth.
I notice I have been trying to bed the heatsink in the wrong way round. I clean off more stray paste and turn it round. By this time the motherboard is starting to move about a bit. I pay this no mind. Later I find out this is not a good sign, but for now I don't care, as my desire to attach new heatsink has become an insane obsession.
I attach the heatsink! The right way round! Though I have to prise the last catch down with a screwdriver, which slips off and dings random things inside the case / on the mobo a couple of times. I assure myself these things are sturdy and all will be ok.
I re attach the powersupply, and have immense difficulty screwing it back in. I hold my temper with a little effort, and try and work out why it isn't playing the game. 5 minutes later I turn it the right way round and screw it in with ease. I smoke 2 cigarettes. I feel like I need another but continue with my mission. Calm is eluding me.
I put the computer back to it's normal position. My task here is done! Time to crack on. I allow myself a feeling of satisfaction that I have done this alone, technof**ktard or not.
I turn the pc on. Nothing happens. I feel on the verge of tears. rage and frustration vie for power inside me, but i suppress them and phone John, who laughs at me whilst I sound pathetic.
I follow his advice and re seat the grfx card and various other things. Nothing works. The motherboard doesn't beep, which confuses John as it should do, and these beeps would lead to the problem like a trail of pie crumbs lead to a fat boy. In the dim recesses of memory I remember that when I hooked everything up in the first place I couldn't find where the case speaker plugs into the mobo so didn't bother. This explains lack of beeps. John mocks me some more. I feel a bit silly.
PC starts to turn itself on and off should I touch the grfx card. This is odd, but could be linked to the fact the mobo is now quite loose, and moves if it, or the things attached to it, are touched.
John makes me turn it off and phone Rich. Rich mocks me, but offers to look at it tonight. I go and watch telly. Both John and Rich tell me, in no uncertain terms, that I am not to touch the pc again at all until Rich arrives.
I sulk.