State Of The Republic Address
My fellow Flaylings. As we are one month into the new year, it is time for I, Edwinbashi, to make an address on the state of the Democratic Republic of Flay.
There is no denying that the Ministry of Health, Appearance and General Unlardying has been slack in the last twelve months. Climbing has come to a complete standstill, better dietary targets are consistently failing to be met, and lethargy remains the default mood. However, in the first month of the New Year, The DRF's smoking ban came into force, and has been upheld without exception. Rumours of a shipment of snuff arriving within our borders on Friday 25th January are greatly exaggerated. At some point, the Ministry of Culture, Leisure and Soul Enlightenment will be investing state funds in a shisha pipe; I have sanctioned this infraction of the DRF's smoking ban for ceremonial occasions. Furthermore, the MHAGU has instituted a new programme of regular swimming in order to improve infrastructure within the capital. It is anticipated that better lung capacity and musculature will result from strict adherence to this programme, though it has only sporadically been met thus far.
The Ministry Of Housing has identified severe problems with my Grand Palatial Residence. There is still a severe state of fuel poverty, with executive expenditure on heating exceeding £40 a month in winter. Furthermore, decent washing facilities - both for laundry and personal hygiene - are still at a subsistence level, and the repairs to the windows are failing rapidly. Indeed, the only significant improvement in the Palace arrangements in recent months has been the acquisition of wireless broadband access, thus negating the need for a phone line altogether. Overall, though, the Ministry has decided that the only solution is to move to a different Grand Palatial Residence completely. The executive will be investigating alternative locations in the Finsbury Park/Manor House/Islington/Camden areas, and also the Elephant And Castle/Clapham/Oval locales. However, the Ministry For Housing's hands are tied in this matter by inactivity on the part of the Ministry of Business, Employment, Escapes and Remuneration, as it is felt that the funds for the new Palace must be guaranteed before the move is made. We must learn well from the mistakes of the architects of the London Olympics in the UK, and not lumber the DRF with a costly white elephant.
The MBEER has had a mixed year, and finds itself in a difficult position. It has been decided that the DRF's primary export must cease to be captioning for the BBC, yet the MBEER has still to work out what alternative skills would best be exploited. Regular excavation of the Guardian jobs section and Grapevine website continues, but I feel that this strip mining is to a degree futile until the Government has a definite idea of what it is looking for. To this end, on Monday the MBEER will undertake a project with outside consultants to establish growth areas in future employment, and work out ways to exploit these. We expect a progress report within two weeks from then. On a happier note, the Junior Minister for Escapes has made some decent headway in establishing gigs in the new year, with two lined up for February, and the definite possibility of further engagements in the future.
With all these Ministries so mired in difficulties, I am pleased to report that the Ministry of Culture, Leisure and Soul Enlightenment has been making splendid progress, with six executive trips to the cinema, a visit to Shibboleth at the Tate Modern, and a trip to see The Masque Of the Red Death in the last month alone. There have been minor forays to find an acceptable alternative club to B-Movie since its tragic demise last December, yet nothing thus far has fit the bill. I am confident that the Ministry will find a new venture soon, but I also know that as this great nation matures, the need to go out and dance like a loon is overtaken by more dignified pursuits such as the drinking of tea, and the watching of fine drama. On that note, a possible source of series 3 of BSG has recently been located, which bodes well for spiritual enlightenment at home as well as abroad.
With such social activities at the forefront of the national consciousness, it is only right that I address the progress of the Libido Of The House. It pains me to report that the Libido currently has no plans for an alliance, whether permanent or temporary, with another nation state at this time. However, our goodwill ambassadors are working overtime on the international stage, and I feel confident that before long a fellow country with similar aims and political ideals to those of the DRF will be found. Indeed, the Libido of the House recently felt it had discovered a suitable nation (to remain unnamed, as I feel it would be invidious to discuss foreign affairs in my address), but its commitments elsewhere on the international stage prevented it from being able to commit to an alliance. We as a people must not be disheartened by these setbacks, but take them as a sure sign that the DRF is an appealing nation, with plans in place to deliver promising improvements in the near future.
All hail Edwinbashi!
There is no denying that the Ministry of Health, Appearance and General Unlardying has been slack in the last twelve months. Climbing has come to a complete standstill, better dietary targets are consistently failing to be met, and lethargy remains the default mood. However, in the first month of the New Year, The DRF's smoking ban came into force, and has been upheld without exception. Rumours of a shipment of snuff arriving within our borders on Friday 25th January are greatly exaggerated. At some point, the Ministry of Culture, Leisure and Soul Enlightenment will be investing state funds in a shisha pipe; I have sanctioned this infraction of the DRF's smoking ban for ceremonial occasions. Furthermore, the MHAGU has instituted a new programme of regular swimming in order to improve infrastructure within the capital. It is anticipated that better lung capacity and musculature will result from strict adherence to this programme, though it has only sporadically been met thus far.
The Ministry Of Housing has identified severe problems with my Grand Palatial Residence. There is still a severe state of fuel poverty, with executive expenditure on heating exceeding £40 a month in winter. Furthermore, decent washing facilities - both for laundry and personal hygiene - are still at a subsistence level, and the repairs to the windows are failing rapidly. Indeed, the only significant improvement in the Palace arrangements in recent months has been the acquisition of wireless broadband access, thus negating the need for a phone line altogether. Overall, though, the Ministry has decided that the only solution is to move to a different Grand Palatial Residence completely. The executive will be investigating alternative locations in the Finsbury Park/Manor House/Islington/Camden areas, and also the Elephant And Castle/Clapham/Oval locales. However, the Ministry For Housing's hands are tied in this matter by inactivity on the part of the Ministry of Business, Employment, Escapes and Remuneration, as it is felt that the funds for the new Palace must be guaranteed before the move is made. We must learn well from the mistakes of the architects of the London Olympics in the UK, and not lumber the DRF with a costly white elephant.
The MBEER has had a mixed year, and finds itself in a difficult position. It has been decided that the DRF's primary export must cease to be captioning for the BBC, yet the MBEER has still to work out what alternative skills would best be exploited. Regular excavation of the Guardian jobs section and Grapevine website continues, but I feel that this strip mining is to a degree futile until the Government has a definite idea of what it is looking for. To this end, on Monday the MBEER will undertake a project with outside consultants to establish growth areas in future employment, and work out ways to exploit these. We expect a progress report within two weeks from then. On a happier note, the Junior Minister for Escapes has made some decent headway in establishing gigs in the new year, with two lined up for February, and the definite possibility of further engagements in the future.
With all these Ministries so mired in difficulties, I am pleased to report that the Ministry of Culture, Leisure and Soul Enlightenment has been making splendid progress, with six executive trips to the cinema, a visit to Shibboleth at the Tate Modern, and a trip to see The Masque Of the Red Death in the last month alone. There have been minor forays to find an acceptable alternative club to B-Movie since its tragic demise last December, yet nothing thus far has fit the bill. I am confident that the Ministry will find a new venture soon, but I also know that as this great nation matures, the need to go out and dance like a loon is overtaken by more dignified pursuits such as the drinking of tea, and the watching of fine drama. On that note, a possible source of series 3 of BSG has recently been located, which bodes well for spiritual enlightenment at home as well as abroad.
With such social activities at the forefront of the national consciousness, it is only right that I address the progress of the Libido Of The House. It pains me to report that the Libido currently has no plans for an alliance, whether permanent or temporary, with another nation state at this time. However, our goodwill ambassadors are working overtime on the international stage, and I feel confident that before long a fellow country with similar aims and political ideals to those of the DRF will be found. Indeed, the Libido of the House recently felt it had discovered a suitable nation (to remain unnamed, as I feel it would be invidious to discuss foreign affairs in my address), but its commitments elsewhere on the international stage prevented it from being able to commit to an alliance. We as a people must not be disheartened by these setbacks, but take them as a sure sign that the DRF is an appealing nation, with plans in place to deliver promising improvements in the near future.
All hail Edwinbashi!