Empty feeling
This happens from time to time.
I was looking online at an animated short. It was just a silly cartoon, set to some banjo music. Then I saw the credits, and it gave a few people's names-- thanks to so and so for playing guitar, thanks to our friend x, etc. Then it said thanks to our moms and dads, and it had the name of the college where they made the video, and the date.
For the rest of their lives, the people who made this 2-minute cartoon will look at it, and remember all the hard work they put into it with their friends, the help they got, the classes they were taking when they made it, the problems they encountered... it will serve as such a piercing reminder of a particular time in their life.
I wish I had something like that. I wish I used my time to create something, especially with the help of other people. Or, I wish that it had been a class project. I wish I had a group of friends that was accepting of me, that hung out, and did things together. I can't imagine how it would feel to walk into a room full of people my age, and immediately feel I belonged there, that I was welcome, and that I could say or not say what I pleased and everyone would be okay with it. I also wish I could be the kind of person who would treat others that way.
I wish a lot of things.
It's so sad to me that I've got such a limited time on this earth, and I've spent 22 years "preparing" myself for life. Such a tiny fraction of that has gone into enjoying it. And worse, I know nothing is going to change. I'll never have the courage to change course.
Isn't it sad that I already know, at this age, that I'm going to die with regrets?
I was looking online at an animated short. It was just a silly cartoon, set to some banjo music. Then I saw the credits, and it gave a few people's names-- thanks to so and so for playing guitar, thanks to our friend x, etc. Then it said thanks to our moms and dads, and it had the name of the college where they made the video, and the date.
For the rest of their lives, the people who made this 2-minute cartoon will look at it, and remember all the hard work they put into it with their friends, the help they got, the classes they were taking when they made it, the problems they encountered... it will serve as such a piercing reminder of a particular time in their life.
I wish I had something like that. I wish I used my time to create something, especially with the help of other people. Or, I wish that it had been a class project. I wish I had a group of friends that was accepting of me, that hung out, and did things together. I can't imagine how it would feel to walk into a room full of people my age, and immediately feel I belonged there, that I was welcome, and that I could say or not say what I pleased and everyone would be okay with it. I also wish I could be the kind of person who would treat others that way.
I wish a lot of things.
It's so sad to me that I've got such a limited time on this earth, and I've spent 22 years "preparing" myself for life. Such a tiny fraction of that has gone into enjoying it. And worse, I know nothing is going to change. I'll never have the courage to change course.
Isn't it sad that I already know, at this age, that I'm going to die with regrets?