Back on my feet
After two months of turmoil that I will explain at a later date, Im finally getting back on my feet...but my fight isn't over. I have bills to pay, yet I spend my hard-earned money on things I don't need...which isn't uncommon nowadays, but it sucks when your bill deadline comes and you're like "uhhh...chit." After leaving, my eight bucks an hour under the table painting was left behind, to be greeted with working at a fast food Wendy's joint. At only seven bucks an hour, and harsh scheduling (Night crew=5 or 8om to close, which is at about two or three am.) I can't come up with that much and bills are reallllly tight, yet I'll go buy a CD and then stress about my empty pockets...its such a horrible bondage I need to rid myself of. I am just glad I got some REAL bull taken care of...far worse than money problems..I found myself using coke, something I said I'd never do. And this is what i'm fighting, and getting over. Its time to take a stand and wake up, to put the drugs and the bottle down and persue important things rather than waste away my life on temporary and artificial feelings. Life can be rough at eighteen, living it on your own, while you see your peers get stressed out about money for college and gas for the car their mommy and daddy paid for, when you are stressed out about money for food in your mouth and gas in your tank that YOU bought for yourself, damn...college..maybe I'll have that oppurtunity someday. I guess you can say this time of year (Christmas) makes me a little grumpy and jealous, when I see my friends with money get all this nice shit and I get...well...literally next to nothing. For the past two years, I haven't recieved a thing, and I really don't want to anyways because it defiles the meaning of Christmas. Ehh call me the grinch I guess. Hah I guess I just need some heartwarming <33 I don't want gifts to be my main priority and center of my own bitter jealousy anyway, its just one of those things, you know? Well anyway, to all my old friends that are reading now, Ill be back online for good soon, and sorry I disappeared for some months to take care of myself and get things straight. Damn, I had 3000 dollars and it went pretty fast. I'm so frustrated, I need money, Im moving next week with nothing to show for my landlord but empty pockets. Screw me. adfjahsd its my fault I know it.