Same Matt-Time, Same Matt-Channel
Whenever I go over to Ashley and AJ's, I'm struck by how out of place I am. Especially when their friends come over. Everybody is so young, beautiful, in shape, and most of all, interesting. I'm 12-15 years older than everyone else. I'm fat and pretty damn unattractive. And I'm dull and boring. I don't smoke or drink. I'm so fucking uninteresting that it's unreal.
Because of all that, I've begun to push Ashley away. We used to talk everyday at work. I'd go next door to see her or vice versa. Now, I avoid her. Where we used to send comments on Myspace daily, it's once a week now. I figure it's the best thing for us both. I'm pretty sure she only invited me over the first time to watch LOST because she felt sorry for me. Later on I gave her my old computer, and I think she feels obligated to pay me back by being my friend. So I'm trying to let her off the hook. I know it's not fair to her, but to be honest with myself, I know she doesn't invite me over just because she and AJ enjoy my company. I really hate this damn feeling.
I want to just disappear or something. Just go away. I've figured out that something inside me wants me to stay the way I am. why the hell else would I want to stay this fat?
Well, it's past my bedtime. You know how us old folks are. I get more tired earlier and earlier. And it never seems like I can get enough sleep. Ding! Another complaint. I'm sorry this is another rant, but I really don't know where else to get this stuff out.
Because of all that, I've begun to push Ashley away. We used to talk everyday at work. I'd go next door to see her or vice versa. Now, I avoid her. Where we used to send comments on Myspace daily, it's once a week now. I figure it's the best thing for us both. I'm pretty sure she only invited me over the first time to watch LOST because she felt sorry for me. Later on I gave her my old computer, and I think she feels obligated to pay me back by being my friend. So I'm trying to let her off the hook. I know it's not fair to her, but to be honest with myself, I know she doesn't invite me over just because she and AJ enjoy my company. I really hate this damn feeling.
I want to just disappear or something. Just go away. I've figured out that something inside me wants me to stay the way I am. why the hell else would I want to stay this fat?
Well, it's past my bedtime. You know how us old folks are. I get more tired earlier and earlier. And it never seems like I can get enough sleep. Ding! Another complaint. I'm sorry this is another rant, but I really don't know where else to get this stuff out.