Lake Catherine, Friday afternoon
Parker had appropriated the porch swing, and was curled up on it, legs pulled up, glaring out at the beauty of the lake. Stupid swans. Stupid waves. Stupid willows. Everything was stupid.
She ignored the mental voice that asked if everything was stupid, or if she was just frakking miserable. Hating everything for being stupid was easier on her ulcer.
Ben came around the side porch, sweeping dust off the floor boards, and paused when he caught sight of her. "Hey, there. You all right?"
"Fine," Parker said automatically. Then guiltily lowered her eyes to her toenails, inspecting her nail polish. "Just thinking."
"You look like you're thinking mighty hard," Ben said, hovering for a moment before leaning the broom against the side of the porch, and settling onto the other end of the swing. "You bored here? I thought you'd get more than a little distracted, after a week or so, without anyone here your age."
"No, no, it's not that." She grimaced, realizing she'd just admitted something was wrong. "I've just got the blues, is all." She tucked her knees up closer under her chin. "End of school stuff."
"Missing your friends?"
Parker swallowed. "Yeah."
"That's always hard." Ben smiled at her, and didn't say anything more. Just studied her, not in the clinical way Sydney had, or the measuring look of her father, but like he just liked to look at her. Not like a guy would, but just... there. It was comforting, even as it was unfamiliar, and a little weird.
Which lead to her blurting out, "Everyone's leaving me."
Ben stretched an arm out across the back of the swing. "Well, aren't you leaving them too? Going off to Oxford? You're really looking forward to that, I thought."
"It's not the same. At all." She laid her cheek against her knee, closed her eyes. "Isabel's probably never coming back. She's... an exchange student. They won't let her leave again, if she goes home, and I'll never see her or find out how she is or hear from her again, if she does."
"Aw, hon."
Anger dissipating meant the goddamn unhappiness was just that much more obvious. "I hate them. She doesn't want to go, she just thinks she owes it to them. It's not fair. Stupid Max and Michael." Parker made a face. "Her brothers. If they'd stay, she would too. But they're idiots, and they won't." She hugged her legs. "And I can't talk her out of it, or even try. It would be too hard on her."
Ben reached out and patted her hand. "Seems to me you've got reason to be blue. You're gonna see that other friend of yours soon, though, hunh? Zero? In Los Angeles."
"Yeah." Parker's mood couldn't really be lightened by this. Although it did help, and losing Zero and Isabel at the same time would've been unbearable. "We'll have fun there. It's just not the same, though." She grimaced, and muttered, "And Isabel's not the only one. Jack's already gone, even if he's here."
"I don't think I remember you telling me about this," Ben said, cocking his head. "How's he already gone?"
"He just is." All the things she'd been avoiding thinking about for a month came to the fore, and it tumbled out. "He's been gone for ten-- no, eleven months now. And I called him when he got back, and he was all 'yeah, good to hear from you.' But it wasn't like it was, he wasn't all 'hey Parker!' it was like he'd forgotten me." And ow, that hurt to admit. Too many memories of last year, of Jack honestly forgetting nine months of history, poof.
"Which okay, it's only been three months for me, but I didn't forget him, and he should've known I'd be worried. He was doing stuff that was dangerous, he'd gotten hurt before, and I wanted to hear about it, damnit. He was back for almost three weeks before I talked to him and all right, he wasn't in an 'emotional place' to contact me, but still. An e-mail. I would've been happy to know he was still alive and an e-mail could've done that...." Lie, big lie, but at least she would have known he remembered her. Which thought had her face wanting to crumple, until she gritted her teeth to get her expression under control. "Jerk."
Ben frowned gently, and she let him take her hand and squeeze it. "I don't understand how it's three months for you, but longer for him, but then I don't understand much all about that school of yours." He stroked her knuckles with his thumb and said, "Do I have this right? He joined the army, or something? And he's just got back from overseas, with fighting?"
"Close enough," Parker said, relaxing a little and getting her breath back.
"I think you're being a little hard on him, Parker." Ben gave her a sober look. "I didn't go to Viet Nam. But I had friends that did. If your friend Jack is back from some kind of fighting, after a year... It may not be that he doesn't want to see you, or that he forgot you. It's an adjustment. A different world. And there may be things he can't talk about, if it was bad. That'll take time for him to get his head around."
Or classified things, that he couldn't talk about even if he wanted to. "I hate who Jack works for. I really really do. It's their fault it's all different, and after a year..." It would be like nothing between them mattered any more. He'd have new friends he was in life-or-death situations with, ones with whom he'd have in-jokes and history. Hell, he probably even remembered having sex with them. "He's already left me behind. It sucks."
"You can hate them all you want. It won't change the situation." Another squeeze of her hand, and Ben sighed. "You gotta ask yourself, are you gonna take that out on him?"
"No!" She straightened, shaking her head. "No, it's just, he used to tell me things, secrets, and plans, and... he's not going to do that any more," Parker admitted aloud finally, her stomach hurting. "I know it's not his fault, but-- I don't know. He's doing these important things that I can't know about, why would he even want to be friends with me now? What the hell can we talk about?"
"Seems you can talk about what you've been doing, your plans. What's going on in the world around you," Ben pointed out.
"Right, like that's fun, me being the only one telling the truth or sharing anything. I don't need Jack acting like he's some kind of, I don't know, condescending, make-up-stories, do-me-a-favor, paying-attention because-he-has-to--" She couldn't even think of what the word for that was, just that the idea made her furious. "Parent!"
Oh. She closed her eyes, feeling herself turn bright red, and silently pleaded with Ben not to ask her about that.
He didn't. One more reason to love him. "Maybe that's what he needs right now," he said gently. "Some kind of distraction. Maybe you can get close again later, but figure out how you're gonna be friends now, after all this time."
"Maybe." Except it might all be one-way again, even if Jack did get e-mail in the 51st Century. Would that be worth it?
She wanted the answer to be no, or maybe, but the truth was, it would be worth it, just to know he was okay. Stupid, stupid, stupid.... Ben didn't call her on the tears. Parker wiped them away fast, not letting more than two escape past her eyelids.
"Maybe it's just everything. Funerals. Weddings." She tilted her head. "Other friends going back to their homes, who I probably won't hear from either, after next May. Everyone moving on. It's just all getting to me."
"There's one name I haven't heard you mention once since you got here," Ben said, watching her carefully. "That used to be the most important one of all."
So much for not wanting to cry. Parker rolled her eyes in lieu of saying anything, since she knew her voice wouldn't work, and damned if she was going to blubber again.
"Haven't heard from him?"
A shrug as she chewed her lower lip, staring at her feet again.
"Do you know where he is?"
Parker shook her head.
"Have a fight?"
A deep breath. "No."
"You're worried about him."
A vehement nod.
"You know, that boy can take care of himself. He'll let you know where he is, when he's ready." Parker felt her jaw set as she looked out over the lake again, and Ben's hand came up to stroke her hair. "He didn't forget about you either. How could he?"
How could he not? A whole world to explore, and nothing to hold him back... And all that trouble to get into. The words You couldn't get rid of me if you tried didn't mean much, compared to imagining Jarod in the hospital, or living on the street, or back in the Centre without her ever knowing. At least last time he could call Isabel. Or send a package to Broots-- well, he could still do that. Broots being back in Maryland. But he hadn't.
Logically, she knew that Sydney or her father or Angelo would have told her if he'd been recaptured since June. Logically, she knew Jarod was having the time of his life somewhere, probably on a jet-ski, probably with some redhead or blonde who thought he was wonderful.
Logic didn't help either.
"I hate growing up," Parker muttered, sounding about twelve to herself. "I hate things changing."
"Yeah," Ben said softly. "Never easy."
She tilted her head into his hand, and watched the swans paddle around in the lake, and tried to imagine that beach in Tahiti again. And tried to accept that she'd probably be a lot more alone on it than she'd ever planned on.
[nfi, ooc comments welcome.]
She ignored the mental voice that asked if everything was stupid, or if she was just frakking miserable. Hating everything for being stupid was easier on her ulcer.
Ben came around the side porch, sweeping dust off the floor boards, and paused when he caught sight of her. "Hey, there. You all right?"
"Fine," Parker said automatically. Then guiltily lowered her eyes to her toenails, inspecting her nail polish. "Just thinking."
"You look like you're thinking mighty hard," Ben said, hovering for a moment before leaning the broom against the side of the porch, and settling onto the other end of the swing. "You bored here? I thought you'd get more than a little distracted, after a week or so, without anyone here your age."
"No, no, it's not that." She grimaced, realizing she'd just admitted something was wrong. "I've just got the blues, is all." She tucked her knees up closer under her chin. "End of school stuff."
"Missing your friends?"
Parker swallowed. "Yeah."
"That's always hard." Ben smiled at her, and didn't say anything more. Just studied her, not in the clinical way Sydney had, or the measuring look of her father, but like he just liked to look at her. Not like a guy would, but just... there. It was comforting, even as it was unfamiliar, and a little weird.
Which lead to her blurting out, "Everyone's leaving me."
Ben stretched an arm out across the back of the swing. "Well, aren't you leaving them too? Going off to Oxford? You're really looking forward to that, I thought."
"It's not the same. At all." She laid her cheek against her knee, closed her eyes. "Isabel's probably never coming back. She's... an exchange student. They won't let her leave again, if she goes home, and I'll never see her or find out how she is or hear from her again, if she does."
"Aw, hon."
Anger dissipating meant the goddamn unhappiness was just that much more obvious. "I hate them. She doesn't want to go, she just thinks she owes it to them. It's not fair. Stupid Max and Michael." Parker made a face. "Her brothers. If they'd stay, she would too. But they're idiots, and they won't." She hugged her legs. "And I can't talk her out of it, or even try. It would be too hard on her."
Ben reached out and patted her hand. "Seems to me you've got reason to be blue. You're gonna see that other friend of yours soon, though, hunh? Zero? In Los Angeles."
"Yeah." Parker's mood couldn't really be lightened by this. Although it did help, and losing Zero and Isabel at the same time would've been unbearable. "We'll have fun there. It's just not the same, though." She grimaced, and muttered, "And Isabel's not the only one. Jack's already gone, even if he's here."
"I don't think I remember you telling me about this," Ben said, cocking his head. "How's he already gone?"
"He just is." All the things she'd been avoiding thinking about for a month came to the fore, and it tumbled out. "He's been gone for ten-- no, eleven months now. And I called him when he got back, and he was all 'yeah, good to hear from you.' But it wasn't like it was, he wasn't all 'hey Parker!' it was like he'd forgotten me." And ow, that hurt to admit. Too many memories of last year, of Jack honestly forgetting nine months of history, poof.
"Which okay, it's only been three months for me, but I didn't forget him, and he should've known I'd be worried. He was doing stuff that was dangerous, he'd gotten hurt before, and I wanted to hear about it, damnit. He was back for almost three weeks before I talked to him and all right, he wasn't in an 'emotional place' to contact me, but still. An e-mail. I would've been happy to know he was still alive and an e-mail could've done that...." Lie, big lie, but at least she would have known he remembered her. Which thought had her face wanting to crumple, until she gritted her teeth to get her expression under control. "Jerk."
Ben frowned gently, and she let him take her hand and squeeze it. "I don't understand how it's three months for you, but longer for him, but then I don't understand much all about that school of yours." He stroked her knuckles with his thumb and said, "Do I have this right? He joined the army, or something? And he's just got back from overseas, with fighting?"
"Close enough," Parker said, relaxing a little and getting her breath back.
"I think you're being a little hard on him, Parker." Ben gave her a sober look. "I didn't go to Viet Nam. But I had friends that did. If your friend Jack is back from some kind of fighting, after a year... It may not be that he doesn't want to see you, or that he forgot you. It's an adjustment. A different world. And there may be things he can't talk about, if it was bad. That'll take time for him to get his head around."
Or classified things, that he couldn't talk about even if he wanted to. "I hate who Jack works for. I really really do. It's their fault it's all different, and after a year..." It would be like nothing between them mattered any more. He'd have new friends he was in life-or-death situations with, ones with whom he'd have in-jokes and history. Hell, he probably even remembered having sex with them. "He's already left me behind. It sucks."
"You can hate them all you want. It won't change the situation." Another squeeze of her hand, and Ben sighed. "You gotta ask yourself, are you gonna take that out on him?"
"No!" She straightened, shaking her head. "No, it's just, he used to tell me things, secrets, and plans, and... he's not going to do that any more," Parker admitted aloud finally, her stomach hurting. "I know it's not his fault, but-- I don't know. He's doing these important things that I can't know about, why would he even want to be friends with me now? What the hell can we talk about?"
"Seems you can talk about what you've been doing, your plans. What's going on in the world around you," Ben pointed out.
"Right, like that's fun, me being the only one telling the truth or sharing anything. I don't need Jack acting like he's some kind of, I don't know, condescending, make-up-stories, do-me-a-favor, paying-attention because-he-has-to--" She couldn't even think of what the word for that was, just that the idea made her furious. "Parent!"
Oh. She closed her eyes, feeling herself turn bright red, and silently pleaded with Ben not to ask her about that.
He didn't. One more reason to love him. "Maybe that's what he needs right now," he said gently. "Some kind of distraction. Maybe you can get close again later, but figure out how you're gonna be friends now, after all this time."
"Maybe." Except it might all be one-way again, even if Jack did get e-mail in the 51st Century. Would that be worth it?
She wanted the answer to be no, or maybe, but the truth was, it would be worth it, just to know he was okay. Stupid, stupid, stupid.... Ben didn't call her on the tears. Parker wiped them away fast, not letting more than two escape past her eyelids.
"Maybe it's just everything. Funerals. Weddings." She tilted her head. "Other friends going back to their homes, who I probably won't hear from either, after next May. Everyone moving on. It's just all getting to me."
"There's one name I haven't heard you mention once since you got here," Ben said, watching her carefully. "That used to be the most important one of all."
So much for not wanting to cry. Parker rolled her eyes in lieu of saying anything, since she knew her voice wouldn't work, and damned if she was going to blubber again.
"Haven't heard from him?"
A shrug as she chewed her lower lip, staring at her feet again.
"Do you know where he is?"
Parker shook her head.
"Have a fight?"
A deep breath. "No."
"You're worried about him."
A vehement nod.
"You know, that boy can take care of himself. He'll let you know where he is, when he's ready." Parker felt her jaw set as she looked out over the lake again, and Ben's hand came up to stroke her hair. "He didn't forget about you either. How could he?"
How could he not? A whole world to explore, and nothing to hold him back... And all that trouble to get into. The words You couldn't get rid of me if you tried didn't mean much, compared to imagining Jarod in the hospital, or living on the street, or back in the Centre without her ever knowing. At least last time he could call Isabel. Or send a package to Broots-- well, he could still do that. Broots being back in Maryland. But he hadn't.
Logically, she knew that Sydney or her father or Angelo would have told her if he'd been recaptured since June. Logically, she knew Jarod was having the time of his life somewhere, probably on a jet-ski, probably with some redhead or blonde who thought he was wonderful.
Logic didn't help either.
"I hate growing up," Parker muttered, sounding about twelve to herself. "I hate things changing."
"Yeah," Ben said softly. "Never easy."
She tilted her head into his hand, and watched the swans paddle around in the lake, and tried to imagine that beach in Tahiti again. And tried to accept that she'd probably be a lot more alone on it than she'd ever planned on.
[nfi, ooc comments welcome.]