Thinking.
Its amazing how theres some moments that seem so short but you think about so much stuff in that one moment. Today I sat there quiet and lying on the floor of the band room. it must have been like 30 seconds. but I thought about how Jordan said he liked my smile and how Terry gives such good hugs and how nice Meredith sounded when she said "hey whitney" this morning and how I miss clay and how rick was there for me when nobody else cared and how JP is my favorite little brother ever and my mom thinks thats funny because hes like 2 feet taller than me. and then the world started moving again and I remembered I was still alive and everything. so I got up and started talking to kastle and watching everyone. I like watching people. they make me smile sometimes. I watched Cameron rub Christinas back like nobody else was there. and Stevie and Chelsie playing the piano and being stupid but smiling at eachother and laughing because I think they remember how much they cared for eachother. Chelsie forgets all the time because she has Thomas now and he cares for her more than Stevie did. But I think that Stevie remembers that sometimes and wishes he could be serious about someone again. I would if I were him. no one takes him seriously. and my mind wandered back to thinking about Clay and how people lose so many good friends that they love. and sometimes the friends don't seem to care, or remember even. Liz felt like this the other day. and i know how she feels. I wish Tara would remember me. she came back and visited Melissa. I was jealous because me and Tara were better friends than anybody. but she forgot about me all the time. she would decide to be popular again for a while and hang out with Shannon and Amy and all these boys that wanted to get in her pants. and she would let them and then when everyone used her for whatever purpose, she would remember me. because I just liked being with her and being stupid. and once we laid out on the porch and watched the meteor shower at like 4 in the morning and thats when I knew I loved her more than anybody. but she forgot again. and she hasn't remembered since. And Clay is happy enough with Callie and he doesn't need anyone else. and even if he tries not to present it that way, everyone sees. and all these couples make me sad because they kiss in the halls and pass notes and they have something to look forward to in between classes and I used to have that. but I don't and sometimes it makes me sad. But it all has to end sometime and they'll all be broken-hearted when whoever it is stops passing them notes and kissing them in the hall and I'll still be just as content as I am having no one to break my heart like that. so maybe its better like this? maybe...