A Letter to Huyck, April 29
Dear Huyck,
It's been a while since you first posed the question, and I've been mulling it over while daily life hustles on. This is a fraction of a suitable answer:
I love Laurie because he makes me feel like I'm at home. I know that's a cliche, but there's something comforting about being able to be completely comfortable with a person, right? Actually, it's more than comforting-- It's probably one of the most valuable things you'll ever find. You know that we're such a fake society; we put on our whitened smiles and hide our disdain and teach our children good manners. I feel like that disappears when I'm with Laurie; we have our own structure and sense of things. Completely real. I can talk, laugh, breathe around him-- it's almost like being with another one of yourself.
In fact, I think I do love Laur because in some ways, he is a reflection of myself and things that I admire. I love that he is brutally honest, uninterested in what people think about him, and fearless. And he likes to laugh, likes to do things, likes to sing and dance with me... We're like mixes of each other, shades of the same color-- he is the bolder and I am the pastel.
I think love requires a lot of ingredients. It takes a certain admiration for the person, a certain willingness to let yourself be vulnerable, a capacity for indulgence, tenderness, violence, friendship... I know that there are times when he's next to me, and it just feels so /right/, for lack of a better word. His hand around mine, the way we fit together, and even the way we walk together. I'm almost afraid to say that I KNOW that he's the only one I'll ever have or want because if I did say it and it wasn't true, I'd never believe in true love again.
Again, this is only a sliver of the depths I could write about. I used to think that words could encompass everything-- I never knew why everyone said that love was indescribable. Any now, closing my eyes and touching that infinite amount of love I have for Laurie, I realize that words could never really grasp that. It's such a tender, sweet, almost unbearably light emotion... and yet so comfortingly heavy... Like a good chocolate.
Man, I've compared love to everything I enjoy-- sweets, art, and good food. That's all I have! I want to read your reply. :)
Hearts,
me
PS. Oh yes, and I can't bear being without him. It's like being without a daemon, if you've ever read Philip Pullman. Like something deep in you is being stretched to a breaking point and will snap if you don't hurry back to its side.
It's been a while since you first posed the question, and I've been mulling it over while daily life hustles on. This is a fraction of a suitable answer:
I love Laurie because he makes me feel like I'm at home. I know that's a cliche, but there's something comforting about being able to be completely comfortable with a person, right? Actually, it's more than comforting-- It's probably one of the most valuable things you'll ever find. You know that we're such a fake society; we put on our whitened smiles and hide our disdain and teach our children good manners. I feel like that disappears when I'm with Laurie; we have our own structure and sense of things. Completely real. I can talk, laugh, breathe around him-- it's almost like being with another one of yourself.
In fact, I think I do love Laur because in some ways, he is a reflection of myself and things that I admire. I love that he is brutally honest, uninterested in what people think about him, and fearless. And he likes to laugh, likes to do things, likes to sing and dance with me... We're like mixes of each other, shades of the same color-- he is the bolder and I am the pastel.
I think love requires a lot of ingredients. It takes a certain admiration for the person, a certain willingness to let yourself be vulnerable, a capacity for indulgence, tenderness, violence, friendship... I know that there are times when he's next to me, and it just feels so /right/, for lack of a better word. His hand around mine, the way we fit together, and even the way we walk together. I'm almost afraid to say that I KNOW that he's the only one I'll ever have or want because if I did say it and it wasn't true, I'd never believe in true love again.
Again, this is only a sliver of the depths I could write about. I used to think that words could encompass everything-- I never knew why everyone said that love was indescribable. Any now, closing my eyes and touching that infinite amount of love I have for Laurie, I realize that words could never really grasp that. It's such a tender, sweet, almost unbearably light emotion... and yet so comfortingly heavy... Like a good chocolate.
Man, I've compared love to everything I enjoy-- sweets, art, and good food. That's all I have! I want to read your reply. :)
Hearts,
me
PS. Oh yes, and I can't bear being without him. It's like being without a daemon, if you've ever read Philip Pullman. Like something deep in you is being stretched to a breaking point and will snap if you don't hurry back to its side.