2005 has not changed me, it just wore me out.
A lot of people have been posting entries in their myspaces or blogs or even their livejournal about how much they have changed in the past year. I do not really know if I changed much as a person. A lot has happened to me since last New Years. A year ago today Danneka, Mairead and myself were all really good friends. A year ago today, I was still really confused about a lot of the new things changing around me, and they started to bother me. A lot. And, Ali and I had started talking about 2 months prior to last New Years. And, it's just so weird to think that everyone has changed and moved on and grown up, and I haven't. I guess that I have in different ways. Like, I was not just thrown in a room for a year and incapable of accomplishing nothing. I did read a few new books, listen to new music, made new friends who I love/am in love with and have new experiences - good bad and really bad. I feel like I went through a lot this past year. Within one years time, though, how is it possible to change as a person? I mean, I have matured emotionally, I guess. However, it has not been "Hey, I was depressed a year ago and now I am fine, therefore I have matured". It's just that I have learned to deal with it, and try and not let it bother me like it did at first.
It's just... so weird for me. I feel like all the stress and angst and just everything I went through this year aged me physically. My maturity level, in my opinion, has always been a little bit higher than the other kids I was growing up with. I do not think I matured too much.
Too be totally honest, I really do not know what to think of this year. It was an interesting year, to say the least. I had every form of drama possible. From parents rejecting friends to sibling rivalry to being gossiped about to dealing with emotional breakdowns. Seriously. Just a lot. My heart feels old and my mind feel just like it needs a break. A time out.
To be honest, it's 2:04 AM. I am tired, and will most likely laugh at this when I read it tomorrow afternoon. Right now, though, it makes perfect sense to me. To just put it all into a simple sentence.
2005 has not changed me, it just wore me out.
dramadramadramadramadramadramadrama. die. I lose at everything. Really. I do.
ps. Jacob Boyea, Alicia Roy, Anna Hall, Alex Hutjens, Colin Hollister, Vally Smeshkoooo, and Danneka Miller When I needed each of you, thanks. A few of you.... made my year what it was. I love you all.