Shut Up, I'm Dreaming of Places Where Lovers Have Wings
Let me just say, for the record, that I think the term lovers is really cheesy and middle aged.
Jesse and I have been fighting. He doesn't seem to understand that I need him to move the fuck out. And it's not even about me getting too attached and then pissed off when he shut himself in his room for a month. Its about the fact that he and I are not compatible people. I realized that a long time ago, and I tried to deal with it, but I'm not capable. I mean, maybe I'm being a difficult bitch. I really did try to just ignore him and all the stupid shit he does.
He never washes the dishes, he leaves his hair in the sink (shavings and strays) and his friends are fucking retarded. Since the nice talks I had with him about how he needs to move out didn't seem to affect his behavior at all, I started leaving passive aggressive notes all over the house. I even went so far as to write on the bathroom mirror with dry erase markers when he didn't pay attention to the little sticky notes. I called his brother to ask him to help me, because really, I'm at the end of my rope. I don't know what to do anymore. So Jesse found out that I called Brendan, and sent me the best text ever:
shut up dont talk to my brother about me
no punctuation or anything. SO GOOD.
As a result of hating Jesse so much (at least Rachel thinks it's the reason) I've come to the conscious decision that arbitrarily hating most people in this town is getting me nowhere. And, as a result of that decision, I decided to let Rachel convince me to hang out with Nate Boggess.
(on the far left)
The hate I harbored for that guy for so long was initially inspired by the douchebaggery that was he and Aurora's first romantic encounter, but mostly later on it was because I didn't really know him and nothing I ever heard sounded like somebody I would want to know/befriend.
But, of course, since I made the anti-hate decision and hung out with him, I figured out that while he's occasionally pretentious, cliché, douchey, and stupid, he's really not all that bad. Turns out we like a lot of the same things. So I guess what I'm saying is that I've learned my lesson. Sometimes people who seem like asses are kind of cool, and maybe I should actually try to talk to them before I write them off completely. (Rachel, you're not allowed to gloat!)
On that note, Caleb said something to me this past week that I just can't stop thinking about. It was really like a whole conversation, which means I won't be transcribing it, but the idea is pretty simple. He wants Hattie and I (but I think especially me) to be party girls who randomly hook up with lots of people. Maybe not quite that, but I think he wants us to be more like Rachel and less like ourselves. And while I'm totally down with trying to not be such a homebody this summer, I don't think he gets it.
I can't be somebody I'm not. I like to get wasted, I like to go to parties, I like all that shit. But to be honest, I don't really like the whole Ithaca scene, which is about a type of people and has very little to do with specific individuals. I love Caleb to death, he's like the twin brother I murdered in utero, but I can only love him so much. I already know hes a cool guy, he doesn't have to prove anything to me. But he wants me to be something I'm not, and no matter how much I love him, I won't ever be like that. And that's depressing, because I kind of feel like our friendship is riding on that. And I wish it weren't.
Jesse and I have been fighting. He doesn't seem to understand that I need him to move the fuck out. And it's not even about me getting too attached and then pissed off when he shut himself in his room for a month. Its about the fact that he and I are not compatible people. I realized that a long time ago, and I tried to deal with it, but I'm not capable. I mean, maybe I'm being a difficult bitch. I really did try to just ignore him and all the stupid shit he does.
He never washes the dishes, he leaves his hair in the sink (shavings and strays) and his friends are fucking retarded. Since the nice talks I had with him about how he needs to move out didn't seem to affect his behavior at all, I started leaving passive aggressive notes all over the house. I even went so far as to write on the bathroom mirror with dry erase markers when he didn't pay attention to the little sticky notes. I called his brother to ask him to help me, because really, I'm at the end of my rope. I don't know what to do anymore. So Jesse found out that I called Brendan, and sent me the best text ever:
shut up dont talk to my brother about me
no punctuation or anything. SO GOOD.
As a result of hating Jesse so much (at least Rachel thinks it's the reason) I've come to the conscious decision that arbitrarily hating most people in this town is getting me nowhere. And, as a result of that decision, I decided to let Rachel convince me to hang out with Nate Boggess.
(on the far left)
The hate I harbored for that guy for so long was initially inspired by the douchebaggery that was he and Aurora's first romantic encounter, but mostly later on it was because I didn't really know him and nothing I ever heard sounded like somebody I would want to know/befriend.
But, of course, since I made the anti-hate decision and hung out with him, I figured out that while he's occasionally pretentious, cliché, douchey, and stupid, he's really not all that bad. Turns out we like a lot of the same things. So I guess what I'm saying is that I've learned my lesson. Sometimes people who seem like asses are kind of cool, and maybe I should actually try to talk to them before I write them off completely. (Rachel, you're not allowed to gloat!)
On that note, Caleb said something to me this past week that I just can't stop thinking about. It was really like a whole conversation, which means I won't be transcribing it, but the idea is pretty simple. He wants Hattie and I (but I think especially me) to be party girls who randomly hook up with lots of people. Maybe not quite that, but I think he wants us to be more like Rachel and less like ourselves. And while I'm totally down with trying to not be such a homebody this summer, I don't think he gets it.
I can't be somebody I'm not. I like to get wasted, I like to go to parties, I like all that shit. But to be honest, I don't really like the whole Ithaca scene, which is about a type of people and has very little to do with specific individuals. I love Caleb to death, he's like the twin brother I murdered in utero, but I can only love him so much. I already know hes a cool guy, he doesn't have to prove anything to me. But he wants me to be something I'm not, and no matter how much I love him, I won't ever be like that. And that's depressing, because I kind of feel like our friendship is riding on that. And I wish it weren't.