that girl has serious daddy issues
yeah, i do. he's in the hospital again....this time i guess he nearly died. i know this is coming and i've worked so hard to prepare myself as best i can. but when faced with the reality that it nearly happened, i fell apart. as any normal person would do....right?
i talk with mom every single day and we discuss things that are happening. we've been making tentative plans to have her move to california to be with me so i know she's being taken care of. now that she's on dialysis, i want to make sure she is as healthy as possible. i had to fly home a few months ago on an emergency basis and we ended up pre-planning and pre-paying dad's funeral. that was a big kick in the stomach. but it makes me feel better knowing that some things are being taken care of. there's just the incidental stuff - mom's health insurance, dialysis, etc, etc. i want to take care of her - especially since both of my sisters seem to be completely deficient. at everything.
so, yeah, it's alot to take in. especially when i feel like i'm being bombarded with all of this stuff. i mean, 4 months ago my dad was fine. he was just confused. but now, he's in the middle- to end-stages of alzheimers, he has congestive heart failure, his diabetes is out of control, he's on 24/7 oxygen. and he wants to die. i can see it when i look at him and i hear it on the phone. he's so tired. when i was home in may, i gave him my blessing. i pray for God to take him sooner rather than later. does this make me a bad person, a horrible daughter? i hope not - i just don't want to see him suffer any more than he already is.
i'm flying home in a couple of weeks and i'm packing a funeral outfit just in case. because something tells me that my dad is waiting for me to get there. my mom says he always wants to know where i am and sometimes he forgets that i live here and not there. that kills me. rips my heart right out of my chest. but, then again, everything does that to me lately. it's a wonder i still have a heart left. wait....i don't think i do. at least that's what people tell me.
i talk with mom every single day and we discuss things that are happening. we've been making tentative plans to have her move to california to be with me so i know she's being taken care of. now that she's on dialysis, i want to make sure she is as healthy as possible. i had to fly home a few months ago on an emergency basis and we ended up pre-planning and pre-paying dad's funeral. that was a big kick in the stomach. but it makes me feel better knowing that some things are being taken care of. there's just the incidental stuff - mom's health insurance, dialysis, etc, etc. i want to take care of her - especially since both of my sisters seem to be completely deficient. at everything.
so, yeah, it's alot to take in. especially when i feel like i'm being bombarded with all of this stuff. i mean, 4 months ago my dad was fine. he was just confused. but now, he's in the middle- to end-stages of alzheimers, he has congestive heart failure, his diabetes is out of control, he's on 24/7 oxygen. and he wants to die. i can see it when i look at him and i hear it on the phone. he's so tired. when i was home in may, i gave him my blessing. i pray for God to take him sooner rather than later. does this make me a bad person, a horrible daughter? i hope not - i just don't want to see him suffer any more than he already is.
i'm flying home in a couple of weeks and i'm packing a funeral outfit just in case. because something tells me that my dad is waiting for me to get there. my mom says he always wants to know where i am and sometimes he forgets that i live here and not there. that kills me. rips my heart right out of my chest. but, then again, everything does that to me lately. it's a wonder i still have a heart left. wait....i don't think i do. at least that's what people tell me.