(no subject)

[movius]

Another dream that I wasn't myself. Woke up dry crying. No more tears left? Part of a university study there were thousands of us. Ranging from two years of age to perhaps mid teens. It was claimed that they would give us our masters if we already had our bachelors and our bachelors if we had nada. Perhaps I was too young to understand the true reward- perhaps they were to pay for our classes. The study’s reason is fading in my mind but it was a disaster. Think lord of the flies. Whatever that book is called. Only there were thousands in lockdown in an old school. Constant fights, constant beatings from those older and tougher. Kids were killed by other kids. Children were raped in the common room with other children pretending to sleep. Was this what they were studying? Despite the plans that our young brains were told of my adult brain in the wake says that no pitiful reason for such a test that would keep us all locked up for some time has anything to do with anything but a test of culture in the young. Perhaps our parents were fated to die some how and the government decided to test on how well we would survive. All of us frightened. All of us felt alone. We had stopped crying out for our mommies long before the experiment had ended. There were camera’s everywhere but we stopped noticing that they were there after they stopped answering our pleas for help. I was jealous of the little ones. The two year olds would probably forget if they made it out alive. I think I was nine or so. Brown hair. I was smart enough to stay away from the older kids and I spent much of my time hiding. I was always scared, always hungry. I remember someone told me that there was a movie playing in the common room but I was afraid to go even though a movie would be such sweetness. I was taking care of a little blond two year old girl- and I was afraid that if they saw her they would take her away with lures of candy and otros cosas. She was starting to feel like family. I made it out though, and on with my life.

I wish I could remember more. Very vivid dream. School was quite dilapidated looking- not really the place where you would compound a couple thousand kids and set them free. Dangerous. It was grayish blue and that tan cement block color. Paint peeling. I guess whatever they could pick up cheap.

Was this dream reminding me that my life could be worse than the fears that overcome me?