Does every entry really need a title??
Well here's to a really unproductive Tuesday and Wednesday!! Yesterday was exactly how I thought it would be. Tuesday's seem to be my most unproductive day of the week for me lately. More than usual I have the day off work, and nothing else planned. This week was no exception. I ended up sleeping until after 2 PM, and then basically laid around all day, unless you count the hour I spent making an amazing dinner that shocked the shit out of me. Around 11:30 P.M though I decided to go to Dave's, but other than that the whole day was NOTHING. Gotta love those days with no work, and nothing to do. Anyway, today was a lot of the same, just not at my house. I spent the night at Dave's and was planning to leave in the morning, but since we both had stayed up until like 5 AM doing laundry when he got back from class he called off work and we slept until like 3 PM. After that we grabbed lunch, and basically hung out until my voice lesson. My voice lesson was from 6-7 and it was AMAZING!!! (see below for details, lol). Anyway, after my voice lesson I went back to Dave's to watch ALIAS, and just sort of lounge around until he kicked me out. All in a all a good day. ALIAS was a lot better than I thought it'd be, and of course what's better than spending time with Dave. Nothing I can think of :-).
Anyway, Dave and I got into some conversation today that led to a lot of shitty memories coming back to my mind. Periodically through the day the topic of being faithful and cheating came up into conversation. Everytime it came up it seemed to be for different reasons too. Anyway I think for the most part it was good to talk about it because it cleared up some things in my mind, but then again it brought back some painful memories I tend to just try and completely forget. Need less to say, as far as I'm concerned about relationships, if you want to be my boyfriend you're faithful to me and only me. If you want to stray then just break up with me and go have your fun. I don't know if I'm that way because so many guys have cheated on me, or what. I mean I've definitely had it all. Guys have cheated on me, guys have cheated on me with people I know, guys have cheated on me multiple times, hell I've even had someone date me and someone else at the same time for the entire relationship and I didn't find out about it until after we broke up. To a certain extent all these crappy experiences have affected me as I go on, but I don't let it affect Dave and I. At least I try not to. I mean after talking with him tonight I know I trust him, just like I always have. It's just scary sometimes, cause of how much I like him, and how hard I'm falling. We've both said we don't want to get hurt though, and hopefully that means something. Like I said though, I trust him. I guess I got a little upset tonight because he mentioned that apparently while I wasn't there today when I was taking my voice lesson, he had to turn down an offer from this guy he knows online. I know when he told me about it he was telling me because he wanted me to know he had turned someone down, but the way he said it he almost made it sound like he didn't want to turn the guy down in the first place, and that he was doing it just to be a "good boyfriend". I dunno though, it just made me sort of think, and made me wonder how many other guys he knows that give him "offers". On the bright side though I'm actually glad he told me about it. Not that it means much, but it sorta showed me he's honest, and I really really like that. I don't know though. I think I'm just being stupid, and I need to concentrate on how I really feel about everything, and not worry about what could happen, especially when this time the vibe really tells me that I don't think he's going to hurt me. Hmmmmm...
So yeah, my voice lesson today scared the shit out of me. I don't think I've ever sounded so good in my entire life, and it was really a boost of confidence that I've been needing this past week. Warm-ups started out pretty bumpy until this one excerise where my brain started to just click. After we were done Jo decided she wanted to hear "Empty Chairs" from Les Miz. Now I've never hidden the fact from her that I hate the song. Well, I don't hate the song, I just hate singing it. I've never really thought I'm castable in Les Miz, mostly because it's not the style of voice I have. Anyway, today it was BRILLANT, like beyond words. Half way through the song she actually just stopped playing and stared at me. At that point a tear had already been running down my face. The rest of the song was the same, and really the voice lesson could have ended there and I'd have walked out content beyond belief. We went on though and got four other songs in. Now that never happens, five songs in one day. We're lucky to get one done because I usually mess something up, but each song was just awesome. I left with my whole concept of reality in limbo. The way I sang was like Broadway quality, and I still can hit a high C regularly. WTF, why the hell am I doubting myself??
Anyway, I have like three audtions coming up , and this workshop I'm really excited about. First off is the workshop. It's a musical theatre workshop where you go in and sing 32 bars, and then you work with these three coaches indiviually on those 32 bars. One guy is a vocal coach, one is a speech level voice coach, and one is just an acting coach to work on "performing" the song. I think it'll be worth the $100, which my dad paid for but is now insisting he get back because "this isn't the same as the voice lessons". He said if it was a school function, or a workshop with Jo it'd be one thing, but why should they pay for just a random workshop. UGH! Anyway, I'm really looking forward to it, I hopefully will learn a lot, and if this speech level coach ends up cool I may pick him up on the side too to coach me. I had a lesson with him a while back, but had to cancel for some reason. Hopefully he won't remember that. The auditions I have coming up I'm really excited about too. One is for the children's theater show they are doing at Drury Lane. They are doing Pinocchio, which personally I think I could be easily cast as. I'm young, I'm thin, and I have a big nose, lol. I dunno, I think it's reachable though. It apparently is a musical, and I do think it'd be a lot of fun. If that doesn't happen I have the audition for Chicago Shakespeare Theater at Navy Pier for their upcoming season. They aren't saying for shows they are doing, but hey it's a great theater. Last but not least there's a company out of Downers Grove doing Joseph. I know some of the people involved and it might be fun. Either way I'll be busy doing a show somewhere hopefully.
Well I should be getting to bed soon, well more sooner than later I guess. I'll be leaving for the hospital in just about four hours. For those of you who don't know, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer in mid-December. I don't talk about it much not because I'm really scared, but I guess more or less because that's just how I am. Anyway, tomorrow he has surgery to remove his prostate completely, which in turn should rid him of all cancer. They had offered him radiation, and the option of freezing the tumor, but that was too experimental because both of those had higher possibilities of cancer reappearing in the future. This should do the trick though, since by chance of luck we caught it super early. As of right now I'm pretty confident all will be fine. I'll admit I'm getting a little nervous now that the surgery is hours away, but it sounds simple enough to where this should be an easy day tomorrow. We'll see though. What doesn't kill you just makes you stronger I've learned. Anyone who reads this though, just think of me and my family tomorrow. A nice thought would be nice.
I think I'm going to get going though. My head hurts and I guess a couple hours of sleep before the hospital is better than nothing. Until tomorrow....
~James
Anyway, Dave and I got into some conversation today that led to a lot of shitty memories coming back to my mind. Periodically through the day the topic of being faithful and cheating came up into conversation. Everytime it came up it seemed to be for different reasons too. Anyway I think for the most part it was good to talk about it because it cleared up some things in my mind, but then again it brought back some painful memories I tend to just try and completely forget. Need less to say, as far as I'm concerned about relationships, if you want to be my boyfriend you're faithful to me and only me. If you want to stray then just break up with me and go have your fun. I don't know if I'm that way because so many guys have cheated on me, or what. I mean I've definitely had it all. Guys have cheated on me, guys have cheated on me with people I know, guys have cheated on me multiple times, hell I've even had someone date me and someone else at the same time for the entire relationship and I didn't find out about it until after we broke up. To a certain extent all these crappy experiences have affected me as I go on, but I don't let it affect Dave and I. At least I try not to. I mean after talking with him tonight I know I trust him, just like I always have. It's just scary sometimes, cause of how much I like him, and how hard I'm falling. We've both said we don't want to get hurt though, and hopefully that means something. Like I said though, I trust him. I guess I got a little upset tonight because he mentioned that apparently while I wasn't there today when I was taking my voice lesson, he had to turn down an offer from this guy he knows online. I know when he told me about it he was telling me because he wanted me to know he had turned someone down, but the way he said it he almost made it sound like he didn't want to turn the guy down in the first place, and that he was doing it just to be a "good boyfriend". I dunno though, it just made me sort of think, and made me wonder how many other guys he knows that give him "offers". On the bright side though I'm actually glad he told me about it. Not that it means much, but it sorta showed me he's honest, and I really really like that. I don't know though. I think I'm just being stupid, and I need to concentrate on how I really feel about everything, and not worry about what could happen, especially when this time the vibe really tells me that I don't think he's going to hurt me. Hmmmmm...
So yeah, my voice lesson today scared the shit out of me. I don't think I've ever sounded so good in my entire life, and it was really a boost of confidence that I've been needing this past week. Warm-ups started out pretty bumpy until this one excerise where my brain started to just click. After we were done Jo decided she wanted to hear "Empty Chairs" from Les Miz. Now I've never hidden the fact from her that I hate the song. Well, I don't hate the song, I just hate singing it. I've never really thought I'm castable in Les Miz, mostly because it's not the style of voice I have. Anyway, today it was BRILLANT, like beyond words. Half way through the song she actually just stopped playing and stared at me. At that point a tear had already been running down my face. The rest of the song was the same, and really the voice lesson could have ended there and I'd have walked out content beyond belief. We went on though and got four other songs in. Now that never happens, five songs in one day. We're lucky to get one done because I usually mess something up, but each song was just awesome. I left with my whole concept of reality in limbo. The way I sang was like Broadway quality, and I still can hit a high C regularly. WTF, why the hell am I doubting myself??
Anyway, I have like three audtions coming up , and this workshop I'm really excited about. First off is the workshop. It's a musical theatre workshop where you go in and sing 32 bars, and then you work with these three coaches indiviually on those 32 bars. One guy is a vocal coach, one is a speech level voice coach, and one is just an acting coach to work on "performing" the song. I think it'll be worth the $100, which my dad paid for but is now insisting he get back because "this isn't the same as the voice lessons". He said if it was a school function, or a workshop with Jo it'd be one thing, but why should they pay for just a random workshop. UGH! Anyway, I'm really looking forward to it, I hopefully will learn a lot, and if this speech level coach ends up cool I may pick him up on the side too to coach me. I had a lesson with him a while back, but had to cancel for some reason. Hopefully he won't remember that. The auditions I have coming up I'm really excited about too. One is for the children's theater show they are doing at Drury Lane. They are doing Pinocchio, which personally I think I could be easily cast as. I'm young, I'm thin, and I have a big nose, lol. I dunno, I think it's reachable though. It apparently is a musical, and I do think it'd be a lot of fun. If that doesn't happen I have the audition for Chicago Shakespeare Theater at Navy Pier for their upcoming season. They aren't saying for shows they are doing, but hey it's a great theater. Last but not least there's a company out of Downers Grove doing Joseph. I know some of the people involved and it might be fun. Either way I'll be busy doing a show somewhere hopefully.
Well I should be getting to bed soon, well more sooner than later I guess. I'll be leaving for the hospital in just about four hours. For those of you who don't know, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer in mid-December. I don't talk about it much not because I'm really scared, but I guess more or less because that's just how I am. Anyway, tomorrow he has surgery to remove his prostate completely, which in turn should rid him of all cancer. They had offered him radiation, and the option of freezing the tumor, but that was too experimental because both of those had higher possibilities of cancer reappearing in the future. This should do the trick though, since by chance of luck we caught it super early. As of right now I'm pretty confident all will be fine. I'll admit I'm getting a little nervous now that the surgery is hours away, but it sounds simple enough to where this should be an easy day tomorrow. We'll see though. What doesn't kill you just makes you stronger I've learned. Anyone who reads this though, just think of me and my family tomorrow. A nice thought would be nice.
I think I'm going to get going though. My head hurts and I guess a couple hours of sleep before the hospital is better than nothing. Until tomorrow....
~James