stepmothers are evil!
my stepmother has the great talent to say always the wrong thing at the wrong time...therapists pfft...Today was my grandpas birthday..means, I had to meet my father and my stepmom. Luckily I get this medication that helps me to stay calm and ignore the things people say. Some people just can't understand it, thats ok, I can not expect anyone to understand me. But, dammit, that woman is a therapist, sometimes I think she's paying her clients and not her clients her. I would never pay for that kind of therapist. Shes so fucking pessimestic..ugh...
Today she said I just wouldn't sleep because I am proud of myself how much energy I still have to stay awake that long. I told her that I don't think so cause it sucks. And she said "yes, yes, you are, subconsciously"...No dammit, I just get really brainless and lose control..nothing to be proud about...that evillz bitch always thinks she knows what I feel!
Yah, whatever, I just smoked the last joint I'll allow myself before I'm off to the clinic, to enjoy the last few hours I am home without thinking about what is about to come...
So they called me on thursday and told me that I have to be there on tuesday. I'm so fucking out of energy I can't even finish packing, I know I need a lot of music, but if someone in the clinic would steal any of them I would go nuts...I didn't call my friends yet to tell them when I'm leaving...I don't want to see them before I'm leaving..I guess..fucking clinic, and docs and loonies...
Hmmm..I actually thought it would be fun to write the first entry before I'm going to let myself get brainwashed... the before/after effect..but I'm way to high...*sigh* one last time being able to push it all away before they'll start to dig in my head and confronting me with all the shizzle!
Ok, I'll try to enjoy this now and try to write on when I'm sober...and remember the english language again.
Life is a bitch.
W0rd
Today she said I just wouldn't sleep because I am proud of myself how much energy I still have to stay awake that long. I told her that I don't think so cause it sucks. And she said "yes, yes, you are, subconsciously"...No dammit, I just get really brainless and lose control..nothing to be proud about...that evillz bitch always thinks she knows what I feel!
Yah, whatever, I just smoked the last joint I'll allow myself before I'm off to the clinic, to enjoy the last few hours I am home without thinking about what is about to come...
So they called me on thursday and told me that I have to be there on tuesday. I'm so fucking out of energy I can't even finish packing, I know I need a lot of music, but if someone in the clinic would steal any of them I would go nuts...I didn't call my friends yet to tell them when I'm leaving...I don't want to see them before I'm leaving..I guess..fucking clinic, and docs and loonies...
Hmmm..I actually thought it would be fun to write the first entry before I'm going to let myself get brainwashed... the before/after effect..but I'm way to high...*sigh* one last time being able to push it all away before they'll start to dig in my head and confronting me with all the shizzle!
Ok, I'll try to enjoy this now and try to write on when I'm sober...and remember the english language again.
Life is a bitch.
W0rd