(no subject)
i have so much to do and i feel helpless to do it. 46 student narratives left to write, tests to grade, tests to write, and an overall need to not move or use my brain.
i hate this weekend. i hate that it's resulted in a fight and hurt and tears and all that bullshit that doesn't need to happen and ONLY happens as a result of alcohol. well, not alcohol, but TOO MUCH alcohol. it never seems worth it anymore.
why are the things we use to medicate ourselves the same things that makes us feel pain? physically and psychologically and figuratively - alcohol destroys when it's used to relieve. pisses me off that i fell for it.
and i'm also pissed off that i've been falling for a lot of things. i know what is the right decision, but i'm so easily tainted by one phone call, one song's lyrics, one memory. not only tainted, but spun about - in so many stupid, adolescent ways. i'll be 24 this summer and i act like a 14 year old.
again, i'm focusing on myself............ i just want to make things right.
i hate this weekend. i hate that it's resulted in a fight and hurt and tears and all that bullshit that doesn't need to happen and ONLY happens as a result of alcohol. well, not alcohol, but TOO MUCH alcohol. it never seems worth it anymore.
why are the things we use to medicate ourselves the same things that makes us feel pain? physically and psychologically and figuratively - alcohol destroys when it's used to relieve. pisses me off that i fell for it.
and i'm also pissed off that i've been falling for a lot of things. i know what is the right decision, but i'm so easily tainted by one phone call, one song's lyrics, one memory. not only tainted, but spun about - in so many stupid, adolescent ways. i'll be 24 this summer and i act like a 14 year old.
again, i'm focusing on myself............ i just want to make things right.