(no subject)
Seriously, why is this the worst feeling in the world? I'm completely perplexed as to why people put themselve out there in the first place only to get hurt.
Once again (the second time this year) there is this STABBING pain where my heart should be. Right there, under my rib cage, maybe behind a lung, blood coursing through it... PAIN.
God, this is so petty and stupid. We weren't even "together". We were just hanging out and having fun because you didn't want a relationship... because you just got out of one. I wasn't asking for a relationship. I didn't ask you to be my boyfriend. I didn't ask you to do anything for me. We just hung out and enjoyed each others company.
In the back of my head, I knew it was going to be like this. It's always like this. No matter what guy, what situation... this is ALWAYS how it ends. Am I some sort of freak? The bearded woman. Do I belong in a circus? "Come one, come all to see the freak show girl named Allison who can't keep a man around for more than a month to save her life!"
I lied to myself. "It will be different. He likes me, I can tell. Why would he call me beautiful if he didn't like me? Why would he drive an hour to see me? Why would he hold me so close at night if he didn't have some sort of feelings for me?" BECAUSE HE HAS A DICK, THAT'S WHY.... AND THAT'S ALL HE FUCKING THINKS WITH.
The sad and pathetic part is that if he called me back right now and said he was sorry and that he made a mistake, I'd take him back... just like I would if Rick called me and said he divorced Jackie and loved me.
WE MESHED! You even said it - "we are two peas in a pod." We were weird and goofy. We had such a good time together.
You're not going to call, are you? You not going to want me back.
People might post and be like, "He's not right for you" or "You can do better"... blah blah blah. But they don't know what we had and how you made me feel. I haven't felt that way in a long time.
Fuck you, Nate Henry, for leading me on when you knew you didn't want this.
Once again (the second time this year) there is this STABBING pain where my heart should be. Right there, under my rib cage, maybe behind a lung, blood coursing through it... PAIN.
God, this is so petty and stupid. We weren't even "together". We were just hanging out and having fun because you didn't want a relationship... because you just got out of one. I wasn't asking for a relationship. I didn't ask you to be my boyfriend. I didn't ask you to do anything for me. We just hung out and enjoyed each others company.
In the back of my head, I knew it was going to be like this. It's always like this. No matter what guy, what situation... this is ALWAYS how it ends. Am I some sort of freak? The bearded woman. Do I belong in a circus? "Come one, come all to see the freak show girl named Allison who can't keep a man around for more than a month to save her life!"
I lied to myself. "It will be different. He likes me, I can tell. Why would he call me beautiful if he didn't like me? Why would he drive an hour to see me? Why would he hold me so close at night if he didn't have some sort of feelings for me?" BECAUSE HE HAS A DICK, THAT'S WHY.... AND THAT'S ALL HE FUCKING THINKS WITH.
The sad and pathetic part is that if he called me back right now and said he was sorry and that he made a mistake, I'd take him back... just like I would if Rick called me and said he divorced Jackie and loved me.
WE MESHED! You even said it - "we are two peas in a pod." We were weird and goofy. We had such a good time together.
You're not going to call, are you? You not going to want me back.
People might post and be like, "He's not right for you" or "You can do better"... blah blah blah. But they don't know what we had and how you made me feel. I haven't felt that way in a long time.
Fuck you, Nate Henry, for leading me on when you knew you didn't want this.