Dr. Lawler Quotes
"Does anyone have any questions, comments, criticisms, suggestions for improvement, ideas for change?"
"Every time I drive by a hotel that says 'free breakfast,' I say, 'where is it?' and they say, 'no, you have to stay here.'"
"Your test will have relatively specific questions with relatively specific answers, so the key to getting done without breathing hard would be to know what the question is asking for and write the answer, not every conceivable phenomena in the general area of that question."
"Locke = second amendment rights. Hobbes = you aren't allowed anything more than scissors."
"What should the people of New Orleans do? Abandon New Orleans for higher ground. But NO...they're rebuilding it!"
"How many of you guys read Hobbes and said, 'this guy's a jerk'?"
"Libertarians are against the Leviathan because they haven't read it."
"We are going to be reading Locke's Second Treatise, so as you can imagine...there was a First Treatise."
"Reading introductions to books makes you dumber."
"The introduction to the Hobbes book is really dumb. If you read that, it made you dumber."
"Isn't there something communitarian about the Bible? Let's just say there is."
"Let's face it, how many of y'all would want an apple once it's been made a part of me?"
"Happy Valentine's day...I'll be waiting for my various gifts."
"Benjamin Franklin is a very shocking man. You'll have to read his article about why it's better to have sex with older women than younger women."
Guy: Any chance of moving the test to Wednesday?
Lawler: There are so many questions you might have asked that would fall into the specific category I just set forth...and that's not one of them.
"What would you call someone who picked more apples than he could use? Nuts!"
"God did not give the world to me...He gave the world to the business school."
"Jesus was a carpenter, but how often did he go to work?"
Lawler: What is gold good for?
Girl: Absolutely nothing.
Lawler: It's just like war!
"Men, generally speaking, are stronger than women. Not always, I'm sure many of the women in here are stronger than me..."
"When the legislature's in session it moves about as fast as a great beached whale."
"God should have unlimited power. How many of you agree that when it comes to God, separation of powers is probably a mistake?"
"What would history books say about Lincoln if he lost the Civil War? 'Unconstitutional dictator brings country into ill-conceived war.'"
"All of life is subject to change, mainly...to death."
Guy behind me: "Dr. Lawler's in one of those moods today where he's going to be funny as shit."
"Does anyone know anything about really great Congresses? Like, the 42nd Congress! Nothing comes up..."
"Locke confuses the heck out of people who only study the italic portion of his book."
"I'm getting so old...it's terrible."
"Hobbes said that we have natural born magnifying glasses and Locke almost says people have natural born...what are those things called? Glasses that make you very, very near-sighted, anyone have a pair of those? It would be like someone who would wear bifocals but had no natural need for them. So natural...I mean, whatever. So I'm not so good at analogies."
"All right. That's all I've got...but don't leave!"
"The legitimacy of the American Revolution is a close call...but we're officially for it."
"If it weren't for our friends the French, we would have lost the Revolution. And we've been so grateful to them ever since."
"Here's a business major trying to encourage the army: 'how many medals do you want? We'll double it.'"
"I don't agree that humans are distinct from nature. So, you can either take my word for it or go with Marx, Kant, Hegel, and Heidegger. Close call."
"Darwin said that every animal is a meaningless accident, but we're the only animal that's ticked off by that."
"The Europeans, in their superior wisdom, have decided to stop reproducing. Now how many of you all think that that's bad for the species?"
"The Europeans are highly self-conscious, highly fashion-conscious beings. Aren't they? I'm reducing the whole continent to a stereotype to make a point, but...that's what they do to us!"
"If you're not offended now, you never will be."
"As you may already suspect, Marx exaggerates a little bit the downside of capitalism. Maybe just a bit."
"At the end of the day, hunter/gatherer guy was mighty dumb compared to us."
British guy: You know, I actually agree with Marx that the division of labor reduces the great majority of people to being just cogs in a machine.
Lawler: Well, all Europeans are Marxists. That's their excuse for not working.
"Marx is a monstrous mixture of Locke and Rousseau that's just really screwed up."
"It's unreasonable to say that the guy who made my sweater in Taiwan is working for me, because I would tell him to do a better job!"
"It's good to make up your own topic for the essay, but it's also good to make sure you're not insane, so you're going to need to check your made-up topic with me."
"Every time I drive by a hotel that says 'free breakfast,' I say, 'where is it?' and they say, 'no, you have to stay here.'"
"Your test will have relatively specific questions with relatively specific answers, so the key to getting done without breathing hard would be to know what the question is asking for and write the answer, not every conceivable phenomena in the general area of that question."
"Locke = second amendment rights. Hobbes = you aren't allowed anything more than scissors."
"What should the people of New Orleans do? Abandon New Orleans for higher ground. But NO...they're rebuilding it!"
"How many of you guys read Hobbes and said, 'this guy's a jerk'?"
"Libertarians are against the Leviathan because they haven't read it."
"We are going to be reading Locke's Second Treatise, so as you can imagine...there was a First Treatise."
"Reading introductions to books makes you dumber."
"The introduction to the Hobbes book is really dumb. If you read that, it made you dumber."
"Isn't there something communitarian about the Bible? Let's just say there is."
"Let's face it, how many of y'all would want an apple once it's been made a part of me?"
"Happy Valentine's day...I'll be waiting for my various gifts."
"Benjamin Franklin is a very shocking man. You'll have to read his article about why it's better to have sex with older women than younger women."
Guy: Any chance of moving the test to Wednesday?
Lawler: There are so many questions you might have asked that would fall into the specific category I just set forth...and that's not one of them.
"What would you call someone who picked more apples than he could use? Nuts!"
"God did not give the world to me...He gave the world to the business school."
"Jesus was a carpenter, but how often did he go to work?"
Lawler: What is gold good for?
Girl: Absolutely nothing.
Lawler: It's just like war!
"Men, generally speaking, are stronger than women. Not always, I'm sure many of the women in here are stronger than me..."
"When the legislature's in session it moves about as fast as a great beached whale."
"God should have unlimited power. How many of you agree that when it comes to God, separation of powers is probably a mistake?"
"What would history books say about Lincoln if he lost the Civil War? 'Unconstitutional dictator brings country into ill-conceived war.'"
"All of life is subject to change, mainly...to death."
Guy behind me: "Dr. Lawler's in one of those moods today where he's going to be funny as shit."
"Does anyone know anything about really great Congresses? Like, the 42nd Congress! Nothing comes up..."
"Locke confuses the heck out of people who only study the italic portion of his book."
"I'm getting so old...it's terrible."
"Hobbes said that we have natural born magnifying glasses and Locke almost says people have natural born...what are those things called? Glasses that make you very, very near-sighted, anyone have a pair of those? It would be like someone who would wear bifocals but had no natural need for them. So natural...I mean, whatever. So I'm not so good at analogies."
"All right. That's all I've got...but don't leave!"
"The legitimacy of the American Revolution is a close call...but we're officially for it."
"If it weren't for our friends the French, we would have lost the Revolution. And we've been so grateful to them ever since."
"Here's a business major trying to encourage the army: 'how many medals do you want? We'll double it.'"
"I don't agree that humans are distinct from nature. So, you can either take my word for it or go with Marx, Kant, Hegel, and Heidegger. Close call."
"Darwin said that every animal is a meaningless accident, but we're the only animal that's ticked off by that."
"The Europeans, in their superior wisdom, have decided to stop reproducing. Now how many of you all think that that's bad for the species?"
"The Europeans are highly self-conscious, highly fashion-conscious beings. Aren't they? I'm reducing the whole continent to a stereotype to make a point, but...that's what they do to us!"
"If you're not offended now, you never will be."
"As you may already suspect, Marx exaggerates a little bit the downside of capitalism. Maybe just a bit."
"At the end of the day, hunter/gatherer guy was mighty dumb compared to us."
British guy: You know, I actually agree with Marx that the division of labor reduces the great majority of people to being just cogs in a machine.
Lawler: Well, all Europeans are Marxists. That's their excuse for not working.
"Marx is a monstrous mixture of Locke and Rousseau that's just really screwed up."
"It's unreasonable to say that the guy who made my sweater in Taiwan is working for me, because I would tell him to do a better job!"
"It's good to make up your own topic for the essay, but it's also good to make sure you're not insane, so you're going to need to check your made-up topic with me."