Some quotes!
I have some quotes to share. There was a period in the middle of the semester where nothing seemed funny...so I didn't write much down. But recently a lot has been said. Enjoy!
Dr. Hickman (Government):
"I once used the internet in Burma and everyone around looked at me very cautiously...weird moment."
"Dr. Watts says the English language is kind of a deviant version of French. Maybe that's an extreme view, but it's fun to say."
"The textile industry in the United States is not doing so well. *looks at random guy* You seem alarmed by this."
"France doesn't do this, but they can laugh and laugh about our decision to go into Iraq because, and this is self-evident, we shouldn't have."
"The difference between France and England is great. One has good food, and one has pathetic food."
"To oppose the Soviet regime was to disappear in the middle of the night."
"Screw the grandkids, global warming is in the future and I like my SUV. Maybe Jesus will come."
"There are two basic views on history: the Darwinian evolution view and the medieval view that the earth was created 7,000 years ago and nothing has changed...a few animals go extinct, the unicorns go away, and that's pretty much it."
"Under Brezhnev, the Soviet Union actually had more weapons than us, but it didn't really matter. You can only blow up a country so many times before you're just bouncing rubble."
"Didn't your parents point at the TV and say, 'look, the Berlin wall is falling!'"
"Does it smell like insecticide in here? I guess it's just me."
"There is this great Japanese movie about how to make noodles. I recommend it."
"Is eliminatable a word? It should be."
"To see the triumph of the Christian religion in the west look no further than the days of the week. We all recognize Sunday as a day off...unless you worship on Saturday and if that's the case I can't help you."
"Mao Zedong did the world a big favor in 1976 -- he died."
Hickman: ...you can see that India makes the list two times.
Random guy: Actually it's three.
Hickman: Okay, well...darn it.
Random guy: *cough, cough*
Hickman: Bless you.
Random guy: It was a cough.
Hickman: I can cast out blessings to whomever I want.
"Afghanistan is kind of the Arkansas of the Middle East. Once you get there you know it...and don't like it."
"In Afghanistan, they have a policy that if a candidate with a higher percentage of the vote gets assassinated, the next one down in the list gets the lead, which probably creates strange incentives for a culture armed to the teeth."
"On page 289 there is a picture of Hu Jintao. The old joke is, 'who?'"
"Hu basically just told us that water is wet."
"I can tell you guys want me to be funny, here's something: my wife and daughter went to Circuit City the other day and overheard someone telling a cougher, 'I think you have the ovarian flu.'"
"Iraq is going to have a civil war with us there or with us not there, so clearly our presence is crucial."
Dr. McKenzie (Philosophy):
"I used to run track and field in high school -- I rather liked it when we all started at the starting line."
"I won't be giving your tests back until after the lecture so you'll actually pay attention to the truths of reality I'll be discussing today."
"Did you know Hustler magazine gives money to the poor? I'm proud of them."
"Friday will be quite a day for a quiz. I understand the weather will be nice."
"Why would God make the Universe with Pluto? What a waste."
"Okay, any other questions I can't answer?"
"Whether or not we should believe in Zeus is a dead option."
"If you want a happy, fulfilled existence, be sure to major in philosophy."
"Christian Mysticism is very graphic. It would probably be X-rated."
"We don't need to get into the nitty gritty of blowing your nose..."
"Shaquille O'Neal: very large; very strong; and very opinionated on issues he isn't qualified to have opinions on."
"We in America like to beat our children...we don't want laws against that."
"Your parents might wonder why they're paying money for you to discover that reality doesn't exist."
"You don't want to sit on someone's lap in the theatre. It would be very embarrassing."
"I had a philosophy professor in the 70's who was already retired...so I feel certain that he's gone on to another region."
McKenzie: There is a Christian by the name of William Lane Craig who goes around the country arguing for the existence of God, and an atheist whose name I forgot who follows him around the country debating him.
Julia: What a loser!
"Let’s say you reached for a book blindly on the right instead of the left. Why did you make that choice? Are you a conservative Republican; did you not like Clinton? Let’s say you pick up a book called 'Aristotle for Everyman' and you don’t like it because it’s sexist...or let’s say you pick up a sensual magazine like Playboy for the philosophical articles...or let’s say grandma gives you twenty dollars for a book at the bookstore because she probably isn’t aware of the actual cost of books...how do you explain all this?"
"We've had a good semester. If you discover that nothing really exists at some point down the road feel free to come talk to me about it."
Dr. McBrayer (Psychology):
"The problem with Maslow's hierarchy is that it only uses famous people as examples of those who have reached self-actualization, leaving the rest of us to just kind of cry out in frustration...EEEH!!!"
"Did you guys notice how many times you felt negative or positive emotions over the weekend? Judging by the nonverbals I'm guessing you guys didn't notice anything."
"Emotion is mostly a matter of choice. In 45 seconds, I could be weeping if I wanted."
"You can call me the worst name you ever heard under the slide in middle school, and I'll choose not to get mad at it."
"When I discovered I was a 'phenomenologist' I got scared because that's a lot of letters."
"I grew up Catholic, and my friends used to always warn against me falling in love with a Methodist."
"I don't know if you guys noticed, but I have a big ear today. I was stung over the weekend. *pause* I can't even remember what I'm supposed to talk about because all I can think about is my ear."
"When was the last time you had a good cry? Mine was Sunday."
"If you don't like my illustrations, shame on you."
"Our consciousness changes all the time. For you women that dip on the weekend...your consciousness changes when you do that."
"When you look back at your life in the future, you're going to think, 'we should have NEVER drank that Gatorade!'"
McBrayer: What was the president's name in 1970?
Class: *silence*
McBrayer: George W. Bush
Random girl: You suck!
"Do you remember when you were a baby and you slept all the time?"
"When I go to bed I don't set an alarm, I just tell myself, 'you better wake up Dan or you're a loser!'"
"I had surgery on my back and my hearing improved. What does that tell us? That tells us that everything is interconnected. But that's an independent lecture for another time."
"When my wife and I were first married, she would talk about some guy named Jim in her sleep. My name is not Jim."
"When I have a good week, as a reward, I always say to myself, 'attaboy baldie!'"
"When I grew up I finally learned to not be afraid of hamsters."
"I think my wife's name is Sharon."
"This is a wonderful, I repeat, wonderful, I'll say it again, wonderful model for human motivation."
"If I get home and the key to my house doesn't work, I get scared because I live in a mean 'hood."
"My wife bakes the best German chocolate cake probably in the Universe. I am often motivated to approach it with great frequency."
"During the Vietnam War, you either went to another country to kill other people for no reason, or you packed up and went to the Hard Bar Hotel."
"My wife is one foxy thang!"
"Great class discussion today, but I don't want to leave you all thinking that old people lead terrible lives and are always bitter."
"My dad liked short words."
"I always say to myself, 'Mom was right...you ARE an idiot!'"
Random:
Guy giving speech: To conclude, I agree with both the liberals and conservatives on the gay marriage issue.
Bailey: That had to be the least inflammatory speech on gay marriage I’ve ever heard.
Bailey: I wish I had a crowd of people following me around cheering for me everywhere I went.
James: I always use ratemyprofessor.com.
Sarah: Did you just say rape my professor?
Leanna: This morning I was so angry I could have bitten everyone's heads off.
Julia: That's not a good way to make friends.
Musselwhite: My daughter used to be more addicted to car rides than she was to, I don’t know, heroine...because I used to give my daughter heroine.
Dr. Hickman (Government):
"I once used the internet in Burma and everyone around looked at me very cautiously...weird moment."
"Dr. Watts says the English language is kind of a deviant version of French. Maybe that's an extreme view, but it's fun to say."
"The textile industry in the United States is not doing so well. *looks at random guy* You seem alarmed by this."
"France doesn't do this, but they can laugh and laugh about our decision to go into Iraq because, and this is self-evident, we shouldn't have."
"The difference between France and England is great. One has good food, and one has pathetic food."
"To oppose the Soviet regime was to disappear in the middle of the night."
"Screw the grandkids, global warming is in the future and I like my SUV. Maybe Jesus will come."
"There are two basic views on history: the Darwinian evolution view and the medieval view that the earth was created 7,000 years ago and nothing has changed...a few animals go extinct, the unicorns go away, and that's pretty much it."
"Under Brezhnev, the Soviet Union actually had more weapons than us, but it didn't really matter. You can only blow up a country so many times before you're just bouncing rubble."
"Didn't your parents point at the TV and say, 'look, the Berlin wall is falling!'"
"Does it smell like insecticide in here? I guess it's just me."
"There is this great Japanese movie about how to make noodles. I recommend it."
"Is eliminatable a word? It should be."
"To see the triumph of the Christian religion in the west look no further than the days of the week. We all recognize Sunday as a day off...unless you worship on Saturday and if that's the case I can't help you."
"Mao Zedong did the world a big favor in 1976 -- he died."
Hickman: ...you can see that India makes the list two times.
Random guy: Actually it's three.
Hickman: Okay, well...darn it.
Random guy: *cough, cough*
Hickman: Bless you.
Random guy: It was a cough.
Hickman: I can cast out blessings to whomever I want.
"Afghanistan is kind of the Arkansas of the Middle East. Once you get there you know it...and don't like it."
"In Afghanistan, they have a policy that if a candidate with a higher percentage of the vote gets assassinated, the next one down in the list gets the lead, which probably creates strange incentives for a culture armed to the teeth."
"On page 289 there is a picture of Hu Jintao. The old joke is, 'who?'"
"Hu basically just told us that water is wet."
"I can tell you guys want me to be funny, here's something: my wife and daughter went to Circuit City the other day and overheard someone telling a cougher, 'I think you have the ovarian flu.'"
"Iraq is going to have a civil war with us there or with us not there, so clearly our presence is crucial."
Dr. McKenzie (Philosophy):
"I used to run track and field in high school -- I rather liked it when we all started at the starting line."
"I won't be giving your tests back until after the lecture so you'll actually pay attention to the truths of reality I'll be discussing today."
"Did you know Hustler magazine gives money to the poor? I'm proud of them."
"Friday will be quite a day for a quiz. I understand the weather will be nice."
"Why would God make the Universe with Pluto? What a waste."
"Okay, any other questions I can't answer?"
"Whether or not we should believe in Zeus is a dead option."
"If you want a happy, fulfilled existence, be sure to major in philosophy."
"Christian Mysticism is very graphic. It would probably be X-rated."
"We don't need to get into the nitty gritty of blowing your nose..."
"Shaquille O'Neal: very large; very strong; and very opinionated on issues he isn't qualified to have opinions on."
"We in America like to beat our children...we don't want laws against that."
"Your parents might wonder why they're paying money for you to discover that reality doesn't exist."
"You don't want to sit on someone's lap in the theatre. It would be very embarrassing."
"I had a philosophy professor in the 70's who was already retired...so I feel certain that he's gone on to another region."
McKenzie: There is a Christian by the name of William Lane Craig who goes around the country arguing for the existence of God, and an atheist whose name I forgot who follows him around the country debating him.
Julia: What a loser!
"Let’s say you reached for a book blindly on the right instead of the left. Why did you make that choice? Are you a conservative Republican; did you not like Clinton? Let’s say you pick up a book called 'Aristotle for Everyman' and you don’t like it because it’s sexist...or let’s say you pick up a sensual magazine like Playboy for the philosophical articles...or let’s say grandma gives you twenty dollars for a book at the bookstore because she probably isn’t aware of the actual cost of books...how do you explain all this?"
"We've had a good semester. If you discover that nothing really exists at some point down the road feel free to come talk to me about it."
Dr. McBrayer (Psychology):
"The problem with Maslow's hierarchy is that it only uses famous people as examples of those who have reached self-actualization, leaving the rest of us to just kind of cry out in frustration...EEEH!!!"
"Did you guys notice how many times you felt negative or positive emotions over the weekend? Judging by the nonverbals I'm guessing you guys didn't notice anything."
"Emotion is mostly a matter of choice. In 45 seconds, I could be weeping if I wanted."
"You can call me the worst name you ever heard under the slide in middle school, and I'll choose not to get mad at it."
"When I discovered I was a 'phenomenologist' I got scared because that's a lot of letters."
"I grew up Catholic, and my friends used to always warn against me falling in love with a Methodist."
"I don't know if you guys noticed, but I have a big ear today. I was stung over the weekend. *pause* I can't even remember what I'm supposed to talk about because all I can think about is my ear."
"When was the last time you had a good cry? Mine was Sunday."
"If you don't like my illustrations, shame on you."
"Our consciousness changes all the time. For you women that dip on the weekend...your consciousness changes when you do that."
"When you look back at your life in the future, you're going to think, 'we should have NEVER drank that Gatorade!'"
McBrayer: What was the president's name in 1970?
Class: *silence*
McBrayer: George W. Bush
Random girl: You suck!
"Do you remember when you were a baby and you slept all the time?"
"When I go to bed I don't set an alarm, I just tell myself, 'you better wake up Dan or you're a loser!'"
"I had surgery on my back and my hearing improved. What does that tell us? That tells us that everything is interconnected. But that's an independent lecture for another time."
"When my wife and I were first married, she would talk about some guy named Jim in her sleep. My name is not Jim."
"When I have a good week, as a reward, I always say to myself, 'attaboy baldie!'"
"When I grew up I finally learned to not be afraid of hamsters."
"I think my wife's name is Sharon."
"This is a wonderful, I repeat, wonderful, I'll say it again, wonderful model for human motivation."
"If I get home and the key to my house doesn't work, I get scared because I live in a mean 'hood."
"My wife bakes the best German chocolate cake probably in the Universe. I am often motivated to approach it with great frequency."
"During the Vietnam War, you either went to another country to kill other people for no reason, or you packed up and went to the Hard Bar Hotel."
"My wife is one foxy thang!"
"Great class discussion today, but I don't want to leave you all thinking that old people lead terrible lives and are always bitter."
"My dad liked short words."
"I always say to myself, 'Mom was right...you ARE an idiot!'"
Random:
Guy giving speech: To conclude, I agree with both the liberals and conservatives on the gay marriage issue.
Bailey: That had to be the least inflammatory speech on gay marriage I’ve ever heard.
Bailey: I wish I had a crowd of people following me around cheering for me everywhere I went.
James: I always use ratemyprofessor.com.
Sarah: Did you just say rape my professor?
Leanna: This morning I was so angry I could have bitten everyone's heads off.
Julia: That's not a good way to make friends.
Musselwhite: My daughter used to be more addicted to car rides than she was to, I don’t know, heroine...because I used to give my daughter heroine.