everyone thinks we've all got 85 years to live and that there is always a guaranteed tomorrow. i've finally realized that i may not have 70 years left, i may have just 30, or 10, or 1, and i'm going to do what i want to do with that. really, let's not live cautiously or mediocre-ly (NOT A WORD!). let's not sit up in bed one day when we're 47 and realize that we should have done this and this. that's the stage my mother is going through right now. i feel bad for her, but in a way i'm glad she's there to set an (un-)example. i'm not going to be that. maybe i'll regret having no regrets, but i'm diving in. i am happy to be here, too, but also bitter and angry because i'm still learning how to cope with such events as those that happened tonight, those that i was crying about on friday (alsghalkshiawy5aslkgl), and whatever else. i feel like i was just born. i feel like i'm just now opening my eyes to a lot of things. to most things. i'm in the middle of that year where everyone really figures themselves out. (let's do it together, if you're figuring it out, too.)
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i love you, too, courtney.
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