Had to cross-post this.
You know what makes me smile?
Meeting up with you last night. I had to visit my grandma in the hospital yesterday, and that was a mix of weird feelings; sadness and hope mixed with headaches and claustrophobia. I hate hospitals. Beneath the sterile surface you know there's death in almost every room. Sitting in that chair, watching my grandma drift in and out of cognizance, made me almost cry. It's weird, having to mourn someone before they die, but that's the nature of the disease. Her mind will die before her body does. It was everything I could do to stay distracted in there. Doing crossword puzzles, reading... It was not fun.
So after I left and went home, I drove back down to the college to meet up with you. Trying to get myself into a better frame of mind, I blasted Karate and drove around aimlessly while I waited to hear from you. You looked so cute last night. I just wanted to watch you all night, watch how you move, watch your beautiful blue-gray eyes when you speak to me. We drove down to Laguna Beach to go to the Koffee Klatch, since that's the only coffee shop in this area that stays open moderately late.
Sitting there on those couches reading, that was the first time you leaned back against me. The smell of your hair was absolutely amazing, and even though we've been hanging out for a couple weeks, I'm still extremely nervous around you. I know you are too, as we're both painfully shy. I could have sat there in that corner with you curled up against me all night. I really was sad when the woman told us it was ten minutes to closing. I still had about thirty pages left to go in my book, and I knew there was no other place we could go and resume this, but I wasn't quite ready to go home yet. So we sat in my car for almost two hours reading and talking. You making fun of how I'm pretty much always blushing, Monica calling both of us in the car immediately after one another, smoking cigarettes in front of the gay bar, telling our holiday horror stories... No wonder it took me an hour and a half to read thirty pages.
It was about 12:30 when we started heading back. Driving down PCH, listening to The Notwist while you held my arm and kissed my wrist and hand... Even thinking about it now makes my stomach tighten up. I wanted to be driving in the opposite direction, because I knew every mile we drove was another mile closer to your car. But we drove, Consequence coming through the speakers (which is both of our favorite Notwist song), my hand moving through your hair and on your neck while I reveled in the sheer beauty of being next to you.
Saying good-night was difficult. We joked, as we always do, saying "See ya never," and "Have a nice life." But we stood there hugging in that parking lot and we both knew that couldn't happen. My fingers stroked your hair and face while we stood there, and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to kiss you, to feel the warmth of your lips against mine. But of course, it didn't happen right there; I'm too shy and nerdy, even though I knew you wanted to just as badly as I did. It probably looked really funny when you walked over to get in your car and I just stood there, not really knowing what to do. Haha you know I'm hopeless when it comes to the ladies. But I couldn't just let you leave like that, so I forced it down and walked over to your car, where the door was still open. I stuck my head in the car and put my hand on your cheek; you apparently didn't know I was standing there and you jumped. It was really funny. You knew what was coming so you put your hands on my face and drew me in toward you. When our lips touched it was electric. It was an amazing, sweet kiss, and we just sat there, both of us getting lost in this moment. Your face was so warm against the temperature of 54 degrees outside, and I had to kiss you again. And again. And again. I drew back and looked into those breathtaking blue-gray eyes and knew then that you're the one for me. You're the one I want to be with.
I drove home listening to Thursday, and I could feel the hot blood in my face the entire time. Even when you're not right in front of me, you still make me blush. I got home and got in bed, and I had to listen to Consequence one more time. This song will be forever associated with you and that night now. The night I fully realized I had met the most amazing woman I ever have. This is the first time since I was 14 that I adore absolutely EVERYTHING about the person I'm seeing. 8 years is almost half my life, and I feel so fortunate that all that time spent searching might finally be over.
When I woke up this morning, American Football was coming through the headphones, and the smell of your hair and skin still lingered on my hands. I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed, I was so blissful just lying there thinking about you.
What is this? I really don't know yet, but it's the most amazing thing I've ever felt. I can't wait to see where this takes us.
Love,
Aaron.
Meeting up with you last night. I had to visit my grandma in the hospital yesterday, and that was a mix of weird feelings; sadness and hope mixed with headaches and claustrophobia. I hate hospitals. Beneath the sterile surface you know there's death in almost every room. Sitting in that chair, watching my grandma drift in and out of cognizance, made me almost cry. It's weird, having to mourn someone before they die, but that's the nature of the disease. Her mind will die before her body does. It was everything I could do to stay distracted in there. Doing crossword puzzles, reading... It was not fun.
So after I left and went home, I drove back down to the college to meet up with you. Trying to get myself into a better frame of mind, I blasted Karate and drove around aimlessly while I waited to hear from you. You looked so cute last night. I just wanted to watch you all night, watch how you move, watch your beautiful blue-gray eyes when you speak to me. We drove down to Laguna Beach to go to the Koffee Klatch, since that's the only coffee shop in this area that stays open moderately late.
Sitting there on those couches reading, that was the first time you leaned back against me. The smell of your hair was absolutely amazing, and even though we've been hanging out for a couple weeks, I'm still extremely nervous around you. I know you are too, as we're both painfully shy. I could have sat there in that corner with you curled up against me all night. I really was sad when the woman told us it was ten minutes to closing. I still had about thirty pages left to go in my book, and I knew there was no other place we could go and resume this, but I wasn't quite ready to go home yet. So we sat in my car for almost two hours reading and talking. You making fun of how I'm pretty much always blushing, Monica calling both of us in the car immediately after one another, smoking cigarettes in front of the gay bar, telling our holiday horror stories... No wonder it took me an hour and a half to read thirty pages.
It was about 12:30 when we started heading back. Driving down PCH, listening to The Notwist while you held my arm and kissed my wrist and hand... Even thinking about it now makes my stomach tighten up. I wanted to be driving in the opposite direction, because I knew every mile we drove was another mile closer to your car. But we drove, Consequence coming through the speakers (which is both of our favorite Notwist song), my hand moving through your hair and on your neck while I reveled in the sheer beauty of being next to you.
Saying good-night was difficult. We joked, as we always do, saying "See ya never," and "Have a nice life." But we stood there hugging in that parking lot and we both knew that couldn't happen. My fingers stroked your hair and face while we stood there, and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to kiss you, to feel the warmth of your lips against mine. But of course, it didn't happen right there; I'm too shy and nerdy, even though I knew you wanted to just as badly as I did. It probably looked really funny when you walked over to get in your car and I just stood there, not really knowing what to do. Haha you know I'm hopeless when it comes to the ladies. But I couldn't just let you leave like that, so I forced it down and walked over to your car, where the door was still open. I stuck my head in the car and put my hand on your cheek; you apparently didn't know I was standing there and you jumped. It was really funny. You knew what was coming so you put your hands on my face and drew me in toward you. When our lips touched it was electric. It was an amazing, sweet kiss, and we just sat there, both of us getting lost in this moment. Your face was so warm against the temperature of 54 degrees outside, and I had to kiss you again. And again. And again. I drew back and looked into those breathtaking blue-gray eyes and knew then that you're the one for me. You're the one I want to be with.
I drove home listening to Thursday, and I could feel the hot blood in my face the entire time. Even when you're not right in front of me, you still make me blush. I got home and got in bed, and I had to listen to Consequence one more time. This song will be forever associated with you and that night now. The night I fully realized I had met the most amazing woman I ever have. This is the first time since I was 14 that I adore absolutely EVERYTHING about the person I'm seeing. 8 years is almost half my life, and I feel so fortunate that all that time spent searching might finally be over.
When I woke up this morning, American Football was coming through the headphones, and the smell of your hair and skin still lingered on my hands. I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed, I was so blissful just lying there thinking about you.
What is this? I really don't know yet, but it's the most amazing thing I've ever felt. I can't wait to see where this takes us.
Love,
Aaron.