I'm back (again).
Thanks to xial to giving me a much needed kick in the ass to start up again, I should at least make an effort to make entries. What motivates you all to tell what's on your mind in LJ?
My job and stress dealing along with my pride keep weighing me down; between staying involved with my job, counseling and stress it keeps me from saying what's on my mind and I feel like I'm cheating on you all. Part of me feels like I'm complaining about everyday life and the other part is reserved telling all, I want to be honest with you all so I'm not afraid.
I've seriously considered having gastric surgery, which is commonly known as stomach stapling. Weight has been an issue for years and even though I'm making progress it's still slow and my time is very limited; I understand the consequences and that this will affect me for the rest of my life but I want to do this: for my job, my family and to you all that believe in me even when I had lost faith in myself.
My counseling has restarted, at the request of my superiors. Mostly because I had a serious suicidal thought months ago, I'm fortunate I wasn't in my workplace at the time. The root of the problem is my older brother and his control-freak mentality; I allowed myself to deteriorate because of him and I hated myself for about 2 years but not anymore. With the support you all give and the people here that believe in me I feel more confident; my sister informed me that my brother now realizes he did something to make me angry at him(haven't spoken to him for 2 years and have tossed out any letters he and his double-crossing wife sends me)and he's the one worried now. In due time we'll meet and exchange words, I will remain strong and not let him influence or beguile me with his fast talk and poisonous intentions. I love my brother but he's an asshole, an arrogant one at that.
What else? I'm now driving a '96 Chevy Corsica I bought back in April, good car that needs a bit of work but is solid and dependable. The '85 Mercury died last year and for 5 months drove around in a yacht-sized '87 Lincoln Town Car that was too big and bulky, that one ended up getting sold to a demolition derby driver. Heard that Lincoln got 2nd place at a local county fair demo derby.
Done some changing to my diet, concentrating on veggies and resisting the snacking urges which is tough. Exercising utilizing circuit training which combines different aerobic exercises and running, slow but is progressing. Also cutting down on certain addictives like Ebay, they're getting way too anal on security and I've about had it with them.
Getting a little monetary gratutity from Citibank: back in February '98 I had opened a savings account with them to help pay my credit card which had built up a small debt, I was at sea most of the time and needed to keep my credit card paid off. Years had passed and I had been so busy it slipped my mind until a few weeks ago when I noticed it on my online pay record. After many calls to track down my account I was informed my card had long been inactive(never used it after starting the account and still won't use credit cards today)and my account has a credit of around $6000. I stopped my account allotment and now have to wait until 01NOV04(30 days wait from last account deposit)before calling back to request a credit refund check. Will be useful for helping to fix the little problems on the car and the rest to save for a rainy day.
I'll do better in updating my LJ, your ideas/suggestions on how to stay motivated on blogging are most welcome. Thank you all for putting up with my insecure ass.
My job and stress dealing along with my pride keep weighing me down; between staying involved with my job, counseling and stress it keeps me from saying what's on my mind and I feel like I'm cheating on you all. Part of me feels like I'm complaining about everyday life and the other part is reserved telling all, I want to be honest with you all so I'm not afraid.
I've seriously considered having gastric surgery, which is commonly known as stomach stapling. Weight has been an issue for years and even though I'm making progress it's still slow and my time is very limited; I understand the consequences and that this will affect me for the rest of my life but I want to do this: for my job, my family and to you all that believe in me even when I had lost faith in myself.
My counseling has restarted, at the request of my superiors. Mostly because I had a serious suicidal thought months ago, I'm fortunate I wasn't in my workplace at the time. The root of the problem is my older brother and his control-freak mentality; I allowed myself to deteriorate because of him and I hated myself for about 2 years but not anymore. With the support you all give and the people here that believe in me I feel more confident; my sister informed me that my brother now realizes he did something to make me angry at him(haven't spoken to him for 2 years and have tossed out any letters he and his double-crossing wife sends me)and he's the one worried now. In due time we'll meet and exchange words, I will remain strong and not let him influence or beguile me with his fast talk and poisonous intentions. I love my brother but he's an asshole, an arrogant one at that.
What else? I'm now driving a '96 Chevy Corsica I bought back in April, good car that needs a bit of work but is solid and dependable. The '85 Mercury died last year and for 5 months drove around in a yacht-sized '87 Lincoln Town Car that was too big and bulky, that one ended up getting sold to a demolition derby driver. Heard that Lincoln got 2nd place at a local county fair demo derby.
Done some changing to my diet, concentrating on veggies and resisting the snacking urges which is tough. Exercising utilizing circuit training which combines different aerobic exercises and running, slow but is progressing. Also cutting down on certain addictives like Ebay, they're getting way too anal on security and I've about had it with them.
Getting a little monetary gratutity from Citibank: back in February '98 I had opened a savings account with them to help pay my credit card which had built up a small debt, I was at sea most of the time and needed to keep my credit card paid off. Years had passed and I had been so busy it slipped my mind until a few weeks ago when I noticed it on my online pay record. After many calls to track down my account I was informed my card had long been inactive(never used it after starting the account and still won't use credit cards today)and my account has a credit of around $6000. I stopped my account allotment and now have to wait until 01NOV04(30 days wait from last account deposit)before calling back to request a credit refund check. Will be useful for helping to fix the little problems on the car and the rest to save for a rainy day.
I'll do better in updating my LJ, your ideas/suggestions on how to stay motivated on blogging are most welcome. Thank you all for putting up with my insecure ass.