today ended badly

[mousercise]

here's why.

first, ms. seal yelled at me.
i made a comment i shouldn't have.
she said when you make a mistake, you should shut up and stop defending yourself.
i didn't make a mistake, i just shouldn't have said it.
i felt bad though.
and that embarassment hurt my feelings.

and then i took it to heart
and started feeling bad about myself
i say too many things people would never say
i'm too offensive and brash and crazy
i'm mad at myself for not being able to control myself

and i started crying, and danielle,
being one of the only people good at comforting me, helped.

and then it was about him.
i kept seeing him in the hall and my desires are so strong it's overwhelming.

then when i left school, i saw him a few blocks away
sitting with a pretty girl, of course
who is his girlfriend.
icing on the cake.

here's the worst part
ryan got rejected from sonoma state
my perfect plans for next year are ruined
nothing can ever be just right.
we'll still visit together
but now, i don't know what i'm going to do with myself

and i'm bummed out
enough for all of us
i hate march
and my eyes looked like christmas

--madeleine

and i still haven't heard from sonoma.
not that it'll make decision-making any easier
at this point.

he tried hard to help me
you know he put me at ease
and he loved me so naughty
made me weak in the knees

oh i wish i had a river
i could skate away on
i wish i had a river so long
i would teach my feet to fly