(no subject)
Can't turn my brain off, so for some stupid reason I thought I'd look at livejournal again. After only 3 years?
As normal when shit is hitting any sort of proverbial fan, I literally cannot turn my brain off and go to sleep. I watch way too many hours of tv shows (seriously I watched 6 seasons of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia in the past week), play puzzle games (that actually seems to work the best?) in bed while trying to fall asleep, read, whatever. As long as I'm occupying enough of my mind to keep from dwelling on shit. It sucks knowing I need to wake up at 8 to get ready for work and just watching the clock tick past the point when I should have gone to bed, and then each hour after that, mentally calculating how many hours of sleep I'll get if I fall asleep right that minute.
Anyway, "what the hell is wrong with you?" My dad's in the hospital with whatever kind of liver failure and it's a rollercoaster of "he's dying" "he's getting better" over and over again. He went in about two weeks ago cause he was super jaundiced, kept falling, and couldn't balance. He went downhill when he started withdrawing from the apparently copious amounts of alcohol he was drinking. He basically wouldn't wake up/stay awake for two or three days - like he wasn't unconscious but he would open his eyes for 2 seconds or say "ok" or "yes" and then shut them again and stop responding. He improved a lot after that, each day getting a significant amount better until he now where he's at almost his normal level of cognizance (though still yellow). He's talking well and understanding things, mostly, but he's also still super confused. I can't tell what things he says are down to his confusion and what's due to his other mental issues like mania. He says (and believes) some crazy shit - e.g. he owns part of a college football team and the players have been visiting him (from wisconsin), he has an apartment, he's been in the hospital for months, why he's in the hospital, what has been done to/for him there, when/what he's been fed and what he needs to eat (that's my least favorite).
I'm having a hell of a time getting in touch with any doctor, as they seem to stop by whenever they have a chance, different times for all of them, and are very reluctant to call me and give me updates (despite me being the point of contact). As far as I've been informed by my dad's underemployed friend who keeps hanging out at the hospital with him and actually manages to see the doctors, they keep saying there is a strong possibility he won't improve and get better. Of course he isn't a candidate for transplant because of his age, overall health, and not having been sober for 6 months. It sounds like he isn't improving at the rate they would like to see and they're currently suggesting the possibility of palliative or potentially hospice care. He needs to go into a rehab/nursing home/inpatient therapy when (if) he gets out, anyway. I just hate how it's gone from "he's gonna get better it just might take a week" to "he's not gonna get better" and back and I hate that I don't know what to do about it. A CT scan a few days ago showed he had fatty liver, not cirrhosis, which is great. But he still isn't getting better. Sort of refusing to eat also doesn't help, as while his liver doesn't work his bowel needs to get toxins out of him, and not eating stops that from working. He kept telling me today that he was flushing his body out with water so he didn't need to eat the food he was brought, but I should take it if I want it. Ugh.
We had a nice discussion about how when he gets out he has to stop drinking, for real, completely, forever. He argued that he could have a drink when he goes out or with dinner, etc, and I argued back that he nearly died and is he shitting me? Which is a little frustrating.
So instead of continuing to think about this shit, I'm mainlining comedy tv shows. I may have developed a massive high school crush on Charlie Day. He was annoying but then he was cute and little and dark and sorry guys, I even kind of like the voice now! I simultaneously hate and like that show. I can't decide if it's awful or genius (probably the latter), but it's definitely addictive. I even want to REWATCH episodes I just watched a few days ago! Why! I'm not those people!
Also, wtf has happened to lj. I can't figure anything out here.
As normal when shit is hitting any sort of proverbial fan, I literally cannot turn my brain off and go to sleep. I watch way too many hours of tv shows (seriously I watched 6 seasons of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia in the past week), play puzzle games (that actually seems to work the best?) in bed while trying to fall asleep, read, whatever. As long as I'm occupying enough of my mind to keep from dwelling on shit. It sucks knowing I need to wake up at 8 to get ready for work and just watching the clock tick past the point when I should have gone to bed, and then each hour after that, mentally calculating how many hours of sleep I'll get if I fall asleep right that minute.
Anyway, "what the hell is wrong with you?" My dad's in the hospital with whatever kind of liver failure and it's a rollercoaster of "he's dying" "he's getting better" over and over again. He went in about two weeks ago cause he was super jaundiced, kept falling, and couldn't balance. He went downhill when he started withdrawing from the apparently copious amounts of alcohol he was drinking. He basically wouldn't wake up/stay awake for two or three days - like he wasn't unconscious but he would open his eyes for 2 seconds or say "ok" or "yes" and then shut them again and stop responding. He improved a lot after that, each day getting a significant amount better until he now where he's at almost his normal level of cognizance (though still yellow). He's talking well and understanding things, mostly, but he's also still super confused. I can't tell what things he says are down to his confusion and what's due to his other mental issues like mania. He says (and believes) some crazy shit - e.g. he owns part of a college football team and the players have been visiting him (from wisconsin), he has an apartment, he's been in the hospital for months, why he's in the hospital, what has been done to/for him there, when/what he's been fed and what he needs to eat (that's my least favorite).
I'm having a hell of a time getting in touch with any doctor, as they seem to stop by whenever they have a chance, different times for all of them, and are very reluctant to call me and give me updates (despite me being the point of contact). As far as I've been informed by my dad's underemployed friend who keeps hanging out at the hospital with him and actually manages to see the doctors, they keep saying there is a strong possibility he won't improve and get better. Of course he isn't a candidate for transplant because of his age, overall health, and not having been sober for 6 months. It sounds like he isn't improving at the rate they would like to see and they're currently suggesting the possibility of palliative or potentially hospice care. He needs to go into a rehab/nursing home/inpatient therapy when (if) he gets out, anyway. I just hate how it's gone from "he's gonna get better it just might take a week" to "he's not gonna get better" and back and I hate that I don't know what to do about it. A CT scan a few days ago showed he had fatty liver, not cirrhosis, which is great. But he still isn't getting better. Sort of refusing to eat also doesn't help, as while his liver doesn't work his bowel needs to get toxins out of him, and not eating stops that from working. He kept telling me today that he was flushing his body out with water so he didn't need to eat the food he was brought, but I should take it if I want it. Ugh.
We had a nice discussion about how when he gets out he has to stop drinking, for real, completely, forever. He argued that he could have a drink when he goes out or with dinner, etc, and I argued back that he nearly died and is he shitting me? Which is a little frustrating.
So instead of continuing to think about this shit, I'm mainlining comedy tv shows. I may have developed a massive high school crush on Charlie Day. He was annoying but then he was cute and little and dark and sorry guys, I even kind of like the voice now! I simultaneously hate and like that show. I can't decide if it's awful or genius (probably the latter), but it's definitely addictive. I even want to REWATCH episodes I just watched a few days ago! Why! I'm not those people!
Also, wtf has happened to lj. I can't figure anything out here.