(no subject)
Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
-- Cats keep trying to bury them.
What do you call 100 lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean?
-- A good start.
What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
-- A tick falls off of you when you die.
Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
-- To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
-- Not enough sand.
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
-- Their lips are moving.
Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?
-- New Jersey got to pick first.
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
-- Cut the rope.
How do you save a drowning lawyer?
-- Take your foot off his head.
What do you call a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances?
-- Retired.
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
-- There are skid marks in front of the dog.
What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
-- A Doberman.
Why don't sharks eat lawyers?
-- Professional courtesy.
What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
-- The caterer.
What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
-- One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Why are lawyers like enemas?
-- You hate them until you need one, then you still hate them.
What is a criminal lawyer?
-- Redundant.
What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
-- They get taller.
How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
-- Depends on how thin you slice them.
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
-- One is a disgusting, bottom feeding scavenger, and the other is a fish.
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
How do you greet a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
-- "Good morning, your honor."
What do lawyers use for birth control?
-- Their personalities.
What do you call parachuting lawyers?
-- Skeet.
How do you know if a lawyer is well-hung?
-- When you can't fit your fingers between the rope and his neck.
Why won't vultures eat dead lawyers?
-- There are some things that would gag even a vulture.
Why don't hyenas eat lawyers?
-- Even hyenas has some dignity.
What's the difference between an honest lawyer and Elvis?
-- Elvis is sighted with regularity.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of feces?
-- The bucket.
Where can you find a good lawyer?
-- In the cemetery
What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
-- A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
-- A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Why do lawyers wear neckties?
-- To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
-- When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
-- Cats keep trying to bury them.
What do you call 100 lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean?
-- A good start.
What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
-- A tick falls off of you when you die.
Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
-- To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
-- Not enough sand.
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
-- Their lips are moving.
Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?
-- New Jersey got to pick first.
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
-- Cut the rope.
How do you save a drowning lawyer?
-- Take your foot off his head.
What do you call a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances?
-- Retired.
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
-- There are skid marks in front of the dog.
What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
-- A Doberman.
Why don't sharks eat lawyers?
-- Professional courtesy.
What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
-- The caterer.
What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
-- One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Why are lawyers like enemas?
-- You hate them until you need one, then you still hate them.
What is a criminal lawyer?
-- Redundant.
What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
-- They get taller.
How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
-- Depends on how thin you slice them.
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
-- One is a disgusting, bottom feeding scavenger, and the other is a fish.
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
How do you greet a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
-- "Good morning, your honor."
What do lawyers use for birth control?
-- Their personalities.
What do you call parachuting lawyers?
-- Skeet.
How do you know if a lawyer is well-hung?
-- When you can't fit your fingers between the rope and his neck.
Why won't vultures eat dead lawyers?
-- There are some things that would gag even a vulture.
Why don't hyenas eat lawyers?
-- Even hyenas has some dignity.
What's the difference between an honest lawyer and Elvis?
-- Elvis is sighted with regularity.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of feces?
-- The bucket.
Where can you find a good lawyer?
-- In the cemetery
What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
-- A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
-- A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Why do lawyers wear neckties?
-- To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
-- When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.