Revelation
I've just come to a discovery that it has taken me my entire life to make. This, to me, is profound - nearly akin to a new meaning in life. Perhaps just a new perspective, but a major shift nonetheless. I'm going to share it on here, because I think it's the appropriate place to do so.
When I was a young boy, I looked up to my father a great deal. I still do, of course, but not in the way I did back then. I thought of him nearly as a super-hero almost. Incredibly smart, hardworking, loving, fun....all qualities which I aspired to. I think that we all feel this way as children - or at least those who are fortunate enough to have fathers in their lives who do love them. It's ironic that we think that way when we're young and then we grow up to believe that that was a silly childhood notion....when maybe we were right.
As I grew up, I began to hammer out a purpose to my life. Part of this was that I wanted to be a super-hero in my own way. I wanted to help people, to make the world a better place. I still do, of course. But I always thought that what that meant was that I needed to do great things - to change peoples lives in profound ways. To be great, and to inspire others to similar greatness. I understand that it's very narcissistic to believe that I could accomplish such a thing but that was what I felt my meaning was, and so I pursued it.
But I've found my life's work to be tedious. It's difficult to get up every day and go to work, even if that work was originally inspiring. It becomes dull - routine even. It becomes the same kind of work that everyone else does very quickly, until I become just as sick of my job as everyone else is of theirs.
I have found myself fairly recently wondering how people do it. How do these people get up day in and day out to go to work and bust their butts, just to come home for a couple hours so that they can see their families and then get up and do it again the next day....for seemingly endless years until their youth is finally spent. We literally SPEND our youth by working the way we do. We give of our vitality and time and life in exchange for money so that we can survive into old age. Then once old age is there we no longer have that vitality to enjoy life. It's such a depressing concept that I've continuously struggled with the idea for a while now.
But today I've realized something. The reason those people get up and do what they do every day is because they have to. Just like my father had to. My dad wasn't unique - he still isn't. He's just like everyone else. He gives up his time and energy so that he can support his family - so that we can do the same thing for our children one day. He sacrifices all of that, and much more - for us. So that we can have those same chances. And that's when it hit me - dad really IS the superhero I envisioned him to be as a child. The resolve he's shown in just working for the past numerous years must have taken a tremendous mental effort to do. He's still working and still making that effort so that he can retire well and take care of his wife, and still have enough to visit his kids in his old age.
He does all of this, while we children complain. He does this without complaint himself. He does this without becoming jaded at life - sometimes as much as 80 hours a week (in fact, quite frequently 80 hrs/wk). He's sacrificed a great deal for us, and I'm ashamed to say that I've just realized it.
So maybe my dad IS a hero. Maybe he's the superhero that I've aspired to be for all of these years. The greatness I wish to achieve could simply be going in to work every day - holding down a job for the next 30 years. It certainly wouldn't be a small effort to do so. Oh, sure I'll still try to save the world and spread kindness and all that. But I won't base my own self-worth on what I've accomplished anymore. I think now I can accept that it's enough just for me to follow my career. So that some day I can give my children all the opportunities that I've had. And then maybe I can be my kid's hero too.
When I was a young boy, I looked up to my father a great deal. I still do, of course, but not in the way I did back then. I thought of him nearly as a super-hero almost. Incredibly smart, hardworking, loving, fun....all qualities which I aspired to. I think that we all feel this way as children - or at least those who are fortunate enough to have fathers in their lives who do love them. It's ironic that we think that way when we're young and then we grow up to believe that that was a silly childhood notion....when maybe we were right.
As I grew up, I began to hammer out a purpose to my life. Part of this was that I wanted to be a super-hero in my own way. I wanted to help people, to make the world a better place. I still do, of course. But I always thought that what that meant was that I needed to do great things - to change peoples lives in profound ways. To be great, and to inspire others to similar greatness. I understand that it's very narcissistic to believe that I could accomplish such a thing but that was what I felt my meaning was, and so I pursued it.
But I've found my life's work to be tedious. It's difficult to get up every day and go to work, even if that work was originally inspiring. It becomes dull - routine even. It becomes the same kind of work that everyone else does very quickly, until I become just as sick of my job as everyone else is of theirs.
I have found myself fairly recently wondering how people do it. How do these people get up day in and day out to go to work and bust their butts, just to come home for a couple hours so that they can see their families and then get up and do it again the next day....for seemingly endless years until their youth is finally spent. We literally SPEND our youth by working the way we do. We give of our vitality and time and life in exchange for money so that we can survive into old age. Then once old age is there we no longer have that vitality to enjoy life. It's such a depressing concept that I've continuously struggled with the idea for a while now.
But today I've realized something. The reason those people get up and do what they do every day is because they have to. Just like my father had to. My dad wasn't unique - he still isn't. He's just like everyone else. He gives up his time and energy so that he can support his family - so that we can do the same thing for our children one day. He sacrifices all of that, and much more - for us. So that we can have those same chances. And that's when it hit me - dad really IS the superhero I envisioned him to be as a child. The resolve he's shown in just working for the past numerous years must have taken a tremendous mental effort to do. He's still working and still making that effort so that he can retire well and take care of his wife, and still have enough to visit his kids in his old age.
He does all of this, while we children complain. He does this without complaint himself. He does this without becoming jaded at life - sometimes as much as 80 hours a week (in fact, quite frequently 80 hrs/wk). He's sacrificed a great deal for us, and I'm ashamed to say that I've just realized it.
So maybe my dad IS a hero. Maybe he's the superhero that I've aspired to be for all of these years. The greatness I wish to achieve could simply be going in to work every day - holding down a job for the next 30 years. It certainly wouldn't be a small effort to do so. Oh, sure I'll still try to save the world and spread kindness and all that. But I won't base my own self-worth on what I've accomplished anymore. I think now I can accept that it's enough just for me to follow my career. So that some day I can give my children all the opportunities that I've had. And then maybe I can be my kid's hero too.