wondering what would be different
hrmph.. i dont want my mom to talk to my teachers... i dont think she'll hear what she wants to.. i hate being a dissapointment to my parents. it sucks. and my friendsys are all at school cept i think carolyn but lisa bobert mary and etc are all at school in DC and mr Lewek wouldnt let me shadow lisa and i wanted to cry!!! erg oh well he was just doing his job but come on its not like i dont want to go to driscoll its just its kinda far and thats about the only reason.. i mean if we hadnt moved from streamwood i might have been able to go but we did move cause we needed a bigger house. it was like a trade in.. my own room for the school i want. oh well
...years have passed
there is nothing now that can take time back
but what i wouldnt give to get those years back
to go back and find that innocence we all start out with
to start over to see what would have been different...
and on that note. have you ever wondered waht would be differnt if you had made a different choice? if you had gone left instead of right? to have said this instead of that? i mean i was just thinking... if i HAD gone to DRISCOLL and not MARIAN... i wouldnt know all the cool people i know now and love like
catherine dakota nowak shirman joe garrett esche jordan brad wyatt sarah kellie armstrong bach jim julie aaron tony victoria ann oh man soo many people
but then if i had gone to dc would i even still be friends with the people i am friends with now? i mean i keep in touch with a couple of people that went to st huberts and it seems like they dont talk to each other as much as if they have lost touch. i mean academically i probably wouldnt have had that many classes with any of my friends that go to dc.. so i would have been.. not really forced but compelled to make friends that were in my classes.. and if i had now if i went to dc would i even still be running in the same circles with lisa and meera and the like? and what of the friends i would have made? i mean have you ever watched the movie THE ONE with jet lee? i mean he had a bunch of differnt alternate realities but there is a better movie that would help me explain my thoughts SLIDING DOORS with Gweneth Paltrow (sp?) i mean one little choice changes the style of her life but in the end it all comes together as if destiny has chosen how her life will end but she can choose how to get there.
and another thing.. lol this would o' come up sooner or later.. if i went to dc would i have found love? i mean a guy that liked me that i liked back that wasnt scared to tell me? would i experienced my first love by now? by now would we have gone out? kissed? would i feel loved on that higher plane? i mean would i have that love that cannot be experienced with family or friends. the kind of love that hurts when you have to let go? or would i have gone out with a few guys by now? i mean i know i am kinda pushing the envelope but would i? i mean i cant help but wonder. i am content in the place i am in but all of you must have wondered WHAT IF...? i mean i obviously have...
i have also wondered what would happen if i just stepped out onto the street at the exact moment what would happen.. or if I just slipped with the knife. Or what would happen if I just opened my window and just … leaned over too much.. I have just wondered mind you there haven’t been any attempts though I have been tempted.. sometimes I don’t feel good enough…
hmm i kinda feel better... but anyways to those whos lives i have semi impacted and to those i will in the future! I LOVE YOU WHOEVER YOU ARE because of the person you have made me and i hope that that never changes.
LOVE and PEACE
ais <3