A Theory, Anyway...
So I was thinking today... and I had a lot of time to do that on my ride home... and the subject of such thoughts was patience. Patience is something that I very much struggle with, but the thought kind of struck me today that patience and faith are related. We're PATIENT because we have FAITH that something is going to happen, or work out. So perhaps my impatience is related to a lack of faith, which is something that, before this afternoon, I thought I had no problems with. Just a thought...
This weekend was amazing. I'm not gonna lie, I bawled my eyes out when I had to say bye to y'all again. Teens- you guys don't even know how amazing you are, and what a privelege it is for me to work with you!
Relient K made me smile, as they always do without cease.
Lol I'm kinda emo right now... lack of sleep and TONS of pizza do strange things when mixed together...: )
I'm writing again...
Don't be freaked out by this one- I've written tons of poems about the depression I went to, but never about the triumph over the depression (thanks to God). So... I know it's intense, but so was that period of my life. So this is the story of God's victory over my past.
Monsters
I used to have demons in my eyes,
threatening my sanity,
disrupting my clarity,
Stealing my peace-
Thieves.
I could feel them,
my eyes,
fill up with Fear,
Anger,
Anguish...
The green took on a
haunted hue,
the verge of madness
expressed about the pupils,
creeping into my state of mind,
infiltrating the core of me.
My Greatest Nightmare
during the day;
the Voices beat pans
and wailed proud thier warrior cry.
My hands,
of thier own volition (It would seem)
flew to my ears;
not to block out the sound,
which was from within,
but in an act of pure
desperation,
determined not to let normalcy slip.
My clenched fist would
beat and clutch at my heart,
warding such demons from
my vulnerability,
A fultile effort;
For they didn't have to be in it
to destroy it.
Eventually,
as always,
such voices triumphed,
thier manipulative battle strategies
too strategic for
my distress,
and I would be left broken,
stripped,
naked,
unprotected,
and weak.
Where to turn
when one hates oneself?
Where to go
when the dependence upon sanity
withers as a flower,
A VIBRANT flower
on a hot day?
Reduced to a molten pile
of brown leaves,
and shrivelled petals,
hopelessness set in.
PICK YOURSELF UP,
OUT OF THE FETAL POSITION!
BRUSH BACK STRAY HAIRS,
MOP UP YOUR FACE FROM
YOUR PITIFUL ATTACK!
They scream.
And then they temporarily fade,
to just constant whispers
in my ear,
rather than clanging symbols
in my mind...
Hide, do they,
so I question whether they were
there at all.
Until next time
my eyes are clear,
if slightly guarded,
until they fill up with the color
of madness.
Such demons were driven,
as cattle,
from the core of me-
from thier base there.
The hue of my eyes remains green,
streaks of yellow my only scar
from a battlefield
within.
Exhaustion,
from a lifetime of war,
couples with disbelief
that the battle for
the territory OF ME
rests now,
resolved,
and I am weak.
Such Power in such light,
Such gratefulness in such humility,
my captors freed, replaced by
a new captor-
One who has captured my heart.
A baby,
A Carpenter,
A Rabbi,
A Warrior-
One who has fought courageously for
my freedom,
and one who has been victorious.
This weekend was amazing. I'm not gonna lie, I bawled my eyes out when I had to say bye to y'all again. Teens- you guys don't even know how amazing you are, and what a privelege it is for me to work with you!
Relient K made me smile, as they always do without cease.
Lol I'm kinda emo right now... lack of sleep and TONS of pizza do strange things when mixed together...: )
I'm writing again...
Don't be freaked out by this one- I've written tons of poems about the depression I went to, but never about the triumph over the depression (thanks to God). So... I know it's intense, but so was that period of my life. So this is the story of God's victory over my past.
Monsters
I used to have demons in my eyes,
threatening my sanity,
disrupting my clarity,
Stealing my peace-
Thieves.
I could feel them,
my eyes,
fill up with Fear,
Anger,
Anguish...
The green took on a
haunted hue,
the verge of madness
expressed about the pupils,
creeping into my state of mind,
infiltrating the core of me.
My Greatest Nightmare
during the day;
the Voices beat pans
and wailed proud thier warrior cry.
My hands,
of thier own volition (It would seem)
flew to my ears;
not to block out the sound,
which was from within,
but in an act of pure
desperation,
determined not to let normalcy slip.
My clenched fist would
beat and clutch at my heart,
warding such demons from
my vulnerability,
A fultile effort;
For they didn't have to be in it
to destroy it.
Eventually,
as always,
such voices triumphed,
thier manipulative battle strategies
too strategic for
my distress,
and I would be left broken,
stripped,
naked,
unprotected,
and weak.
Where to turn
when one hates oneself?
Where to go
when the dependence upon sanity
withers as a flower,
A VIBRANT flower
on a hot day?
Reduced to a molten pile
of brown leaves,
and shrivelled petals,
hopelessness set in.
PICK YOURSELF UP,
OUT OF THE FETAL POSITION!
BRUSH BACK STRAY HAIRS,
MOP UP YOUR FACE FROM
YOUR PITIFUL ATTACK!
They scream.
And then they temporarily fade,
to just constant whispers
in my ear,
rather than clanging symbols
in my mind...
Hide, do they,
so I question whether they were
there at all.
Until next time
my eyes are clear,
if slightly guarded,
until they fill up with the color
of madness.
Such demons were driven,
as cattle,
from the core of me-
from thier base there.
The hue of my eyes remains green,
streaks of yellow my only scar
from a battlefield
within.
Exhaustion,
from a lifetime of war,
couples with disbelief
that the battle for
the territory OF ME
rests now,
resolved,
and I am weak.
Such Power in such light,
Such gratefulness in such humility,
my captors freed, replaced by
a new captor-
One who has captured my heart.
A baby,
A Carpenter,
A Rabbi,
A Warrior-
One who has fought courageously for
my freedom,
and one who has been victorious.