This Kind of Life is all I Know.....
I fell in love today.
My close friends are probably thinking I'm talking about my boyfriend, but nope it has nothing to do with Jeffrey. I love him as much as I said I did in my past posts but this entry is not about him.
I fell in love with music and writing and the feeling I got from it all. God help me but I forgot how high I got off the beauty from Malice Mizer, Dir en Grey, X Japan, Hanson, Nirvana, Silverchair, the music list goes on. As well as fanfic, I swear I love that more than my original work sometimes.
Let me explain. I went through the task I had been putting off for nearly a year, deleting dead links from my favorites list. While doing that I came across a hanfic (Hanson fanfiction for non Hanson fans) that I adored because it was original and of course had lots of lovely smutty scenes with the couple of Taylor Hanson and Scott Moffatt. Devil Angel is one of the best hanfic out there, though sadly it will never be finished because the author grew out of that story.
I understand her feelings about that though. I love Hanson, people don't give those guys enough credit. However, around 2001 I just stopped reading hanfic because no one updated and too many people said they grew out of them. In all honesty I can't see myself growing out of them but that's another story.
Anyway, I started to read this fic again and because I looked around her site, I came across HansonFiction.com and I feel in love with Hanson once again. I found new and old hanfic favorites and I remember why I loved this band so much. They're normal guys who just happen to make music. This gives an outlet to many aspiring writers and because they're such dorky guys, you can easily write stories about that maybe seem outlandish, but it breathtaking.
Oh, how I loved the angst ridden fics that had Taylor with a drug problem, Zac with weight issues, Isaac with an inferiority complex. Do I wish this on these guys? No, God I wouldn't wish any of those on my worst enemy (except a very fem Taylor having a very detailed smutty slash scene with an equally beautiful fem boy, cause you know that's fucking hot). But those stories broke through the teenybopper scene that followed them and made them more human.
That's really why I fell in love with writing to begin with. I loved the idea that you could take people who seemed perfect, but that is in the eyes of a 12 year old, and put them in situations you pray they're never in. That's our society isn't it? We love to see our heroes in the mud with their tears trying to clean the filth on them? Or perhaps that's just me.
So yes I fell in love with writing and fanfiction and my original works. I'm hard at work fixing what I dub my Angel Story until I can find a title for it. Some characters are changing and I find myself fawning over my characters and loving every minute of it.
Music... Malice Mizer's beauty trapped me once again. While I'm not a huge fan of the Tetsu days, I still felt myself explode in an orgasmic rush as I listened to songs from each one of their eras and I literally felt myself go mad over the overall feeling I get from it. I sound horrible don't I? I'm trying to find the words that can describe it but I come off sounding like I'm full of it, oh well.
I love the classical, baroque music blended with such a heavy metal feel to it, and then mix that with Klaha's or Gackt's or hell even Tetsu's vocals and how can you not be swept away? There's such a dark beauty in their music and even though I don't understand their lyrics because it is in Japanese, I do understand it. It's corny I know but it speaks to me on a deeper level.
I suppose I also love Mana's idea of beauty. He's such a beautifully cold person and I don't mean this as an insult. He has such beauty in his clothes, his appearance, his music that it makes him cold in the sense that there's such perfection in it that you don't want to do a thing to destroy that. You want to keep him at a distance because his beauty is so unreal that it makes him cold because you can't relate to him and don't want to. You want to see him as this unattainable person, this ice princess because it makes him even better.
I love that because one of my characters is becoming that, though I don't want to talk about that right now.
I'm going to end this entry on Dir en Grey. They are without a doubt one of my favorite bands, but the beauty I see from the is so different. It's an ugly beauty but I suspect Kyo would love to hear that. There's such lovely images of bondage, abuse, death, and just hatred and it's so disgusting and hurtful but I find myself falling all over myself for it.
I suppose it's sickening that I feel myself getting well turned on to the sexy growls and screams and just everything that comes out of Kyo's mouth when he's singing. I feel this way about other singers and my boyfriend, he doesn't sing (well not the stuff I'm really into) but his voice is unbelievably sexy.
I'm so tired... it's a little past four in the morning and I feel light headed. Probably a mixture of sleepiness and the effects from the love I'm feeling from everything I felt tonight.
Is it odd that I spent so long on this subject? That I can honestly say I feel such love for every single thing I talked about? Well I don't care. It's all true and even though I'll look back at this entry later and wonder what the hell is wrong with me when I wrote it.
jya mata,
*~Masako~*
Well I can't seem to pity cause my heart's too numb to feel. And the smile does all the talking though the pain is all that's real. With the way that you keep screaming I can hardly hear to think and I feel the bridges burning underneath my feet.
My close friends are probably thinking I'm talking about my boyfriend, but nope it has nothing to do with Jeffrey. I love him as much as I said I did in my past posts but this entry is not about him.
I fell in love with music and writing and the feeling I got from it all. God help me but I forgot how high I got off the beauty from Malice Mizer, Dir en Grey, X Japan, Hanson, Nirvana, Silverchair, the music list goes on. As well as fanfic, I swear I love that more than my original work sometimes.
Let me explain. I went through the task I had been putting off for nearly a year, deleting dead links from my favorites list. While doing that I came across a hanfic (Hanson fanfiction for non Hanson fans) that I adored because it was original and of course had lots of lovely smutty scenes with the couple of Taylor Hanson and Scott Moffatt. Devil Angel is one of the best hanfic out there, though sadly it will never be finished because the author grew out of that story.
I understand her feelings about that though. I love Hanson, people don't give those guys enough credit. However, around 2001 I just stopped reading hanfic because no one updated and too many people said they grew out of them. In all honesty I can't see myself growing out of them but that's another story.
Anyway, I started to read this fic again and because I looked around her site, I came across HansonFiction.com and I feel in love with Hanson once again. I found new and old hanfic favorites and I remember why I loved this band so much. They're normal guys who just happen to make music. This gives an outlet to many aspiring writers and because they're such dorky guys, you can easily write stories about that maybe seem outlandish, but it breathtaking.
Oh, how I loved the angst ridden fics that had Taylor with a drug problem, Zac with weight issues, Isaac with an inferiority complex. Do I wish this on these guys? No, God I wouldn't wish any of those on my worst enemy (except a very fem Taylor having a very detailed smutty slash scene with an equally beautiful fem boy, cause you know that's fucking hot). But those stories broke through the teenybopper scene that followed them and made them more human.
That's really why I fell in love with writing to begin with. I loved the idea that you could take people who seemed perfect, but that is in the eyes of a 12 year old, and put them in situations you pray they're never in. That's our society isn't it? We love to see our heroes in the mud with their tears trying to clean the filth on them? Or perhaps that's just me.
So yes I fell in love with writing and fanfiction and my original works. I'm hard at work fixing what I dub my Angel Story until I can find a title for it. Some characters are changing and I find myself fawning over my characters and loving every minute of it.
Music... Malice Mizer's beauty trapped me once again. While I'm not a huge fan of the Tetsu days, I still felt myself explode in an orgasmic rush as I listened to songs from each one of their eras and I literally felt myself go mad over the overall feeling I get from it. I sound horrible don't I? I'm trying to find the words that can describe it but I come off sounding like I'm full of it, oh well.
I love the classical, baroque music blended with such a heavy metal feel to it, and then mix that with Klaha's or Gackt's or hell even Tetsu's vocals and how can you not be swept away? There's such a dark beauty in their music and even though I don't understand their lyrics because it is in Japanese, I do understand it. It's corny I know but it speaks to me on a deeper level.
I suppose I also love Mana's idea of beauty. He's such a beautifully cold person and I don't mean this as an insult. He has such beauty in his clothes, his appearance, his music that it makes him cold in the sense that there's such perfection in it that you don't want to do a thing to destroy that. You want to keep him at a distance because his beauty is so unreal that it makes him cold because you can't relate to him and don't want to. You want to see him as this unattainable person, this ice princess because it makes him even better.
I love that because one of my characters is becoming that, though I don't want to talk about that right now.
I'm going to end this entry on Dir en Grey. They are without a doubt one of my favorite bands, but the beauty I see from the is so different. It's an ugly beauty but I suspect Kyo would love to hear that. There's such lovely images of bondage, abuse, death, and just hatred and it's so disgusting and hurtful but I find myself falling all over myself for it.
I suppose it's sickening that I feel myself getting well turned on to the sexy growls and screams and just everything that comes out of Kyo's mouth when he's singing. I feel this way about other singers and my boyfriend, he doesn't sing (well not the stuff I'm really into) but his voice is unbelievably sexy.
I'm so tired... it's a little past four in the morning and I feel light headed. Probably a mixture of sleepiness and the effects from the love I'm feeling from everything I felt tonight.
Is it odd that I spent so long on this subject? That I can honestly say I feel such love for every single thing I talked about? Well I don't care. It's all true and even though I'll look back at this entry later and wonder what the hell is wrong with me when I wrote it.
jya mata,
*~Masako~*
Well I can't seem to pity cause my heart's too numb to feel. And the smile does all the talking though the pain is all that's real. With the way that you keep screaming I can hardly hear to think and I feel the bridges burning underneath my feet.