i just want it to be ok, again......
i feel like this will never heal. the good guy wont get the girl. he never has. why should he now? the show sucked tonight. yea, the kids enjoyed it. but people like to see others pain on display. no one notices how hard it is. how much effort goes into it all. the strums, the screams, the turns, the jumps, the swaying,the blood, the sweat, the tears of it all. but thats what its all about. you put everything you know into something, just for it to be soiled on. sure the "that was an awesome show" sayings are nice and uplifting. but when theres that inner bug, ripping you apart. those words almost dont even connect. and i feel bad for that. i want them to know its appreciated. but this is so much to handle. its like, i dont know what i should say to her anymore. i want to scream at her "wake the fuck up! hes not your knight in shining fucking armor. hes just like the rest of them. i want to try to be that one you never had, but i dont even get the fucking chance." but all i say is "i missed you too. how are you doing?"........sometimes i hate myself. i cant even tell her the truth anymore. its just a smile and a cliched saying. whatever, im starting to not care anymore.