The amazing disappearing, reappearing Lola!
Once again, I thought I was going to be posting more often, silly me and my thoughts about time and space . . . .
So, since the last post:
- Took national boards, results to arrive in the next few weeks, could go either way (silly 6 hour computer-based exams)
- Food Animal Medicine was a lot of fun, I wish I could take it again. We got to ejaculate a ton of bulls (I know, I have problems and need help). I also switched my grand rounds presentation to be on a case I saw - a pelvic fracture repair on a Big Horn Sheep. It sounded like more fun than waiting to see if anything comes in while I'm on equine medicine.
- Equine field was a blast, I can now fix horses teeth. W00t!
- Anesthesia was crazy busy but extremely rewarding, it made me feel like not an idiot and that I might really be able to do this stuff.
- Spent Christmas with the fam, was a busier time than I was wanting but it was fine.
- Worked New Year's eve day, then for midnight spent an awkward time with some really drunk, angry people that are usually nice people
- Have 1 more day of my exotics rotation, last week on exotics was tricky since ~50% of the cases died/euthanized. This week has been better in that regard
- Next week is soft tissue surgery (blegh), then a week of vacation (woohoo!)
So I really hate the passive aggressive bullshit that women pull. I had a good friend for awhile at Trinity who pulled that all the time in fights with other people, but I ended our friendship when she used it on me. I much prefer if someone has a problem with me that they talk to me in a calm, constructive manner so that we can all exist peacefully. Preferably, these talks take place in person, in phone if necessary, never via e-mail/texts.
I'm not a morning person. Anyone who has every spent time with me knows this fact - mornings only exist because the world is a cruel cruel place. I also suffer from genetic tardiness. Now, I try really hard in the morning to wake up and get places on time, but it doesn't always work. If people on rotation with me (other students, clinicians/residents/interns) tell me that they don't think its cool that I'm walking in 5-10 late, I work extra hard and make it on time. If on the other hand I either don't get that message or discover that its really ok that I'm not on time, I'm not motivated to wake up 30 minutes earlier to get there 5 minutes earlier (yes, there is a time vortex in my house in the morning so that IS how it has to work). So, for the month and a half I was on anesthesia, I could get away with not being exactly on time because it was a lot of individual work and I could make up time by working my ass off when I got there. Last week on exotics, I was chronically tardy but I did my share of the work when I got there and worked my tail off all day. The clinician and intern didn't seem to care (never said anything to me), and neither did the students I was on with. So this week I'm on with the same students plus one new student and the clinician changed (same intern). One of the students I was on with last week started this week with passive aggressive bullshit. I came in slightly late, and she was complaining about it to one of the other students, the only reason I know is that I overheard from the other room. Later that day she was making a joke about the fact that my shoes squeak (it annoys me, but they work for my ankles and I can't make them not squeak), again just within my ear shot but really the comment was made behind my back and not meant for me to hear. So, I tried really hard and was there basically on time yesterday and today (I was especially motivated today because we were headed to the Denver aquarium to work on a tiger and some fish, and I needed to get there to help with morning animal care and then to catch the ride down to Denver). So she makes some comment, at least this time it was to my face, that "wow, you're on time this morning, why can't you do that everyday" and it was said rudely and she continued the comment not to me but to the clinician on duty that "it's going to be a big shock when I get to the real world". I had already woken up with a headache but was still excited to go down and work with the tiger and the other stuff, but it just put me in such a bad mood and I haven't been able to really pull myself out of the funk all day. Really, I should have been thrilled that I got to do an oral exam on a tiger, but some how I'm just not, probably wouldn't have mentioned it except I needed to vent this all out into the ether. But all this really got me thinking, not just about how much I hate her type of personality. I have good friends in vet school, but I don't really feel close enough to any of them to just vent all of this out. In my past I've been burned by so many so called friends in various ways that I throw up lots of guards against letting people in too far, but right now it's left me in an awkward situation where I feel utterly alone. I wind up spending all my free time with my cats and my dog because if my friends are going out, they don't think to call and invite me. I'm sure that if I really truly needed one of them, they'd be there but its hard when I just need someone to vent to and maybe a shoulder to cry on. Who knows. I just worry that things won't get better/may get worse when I graduate and move back to NM where really I'd be starting over fresh again.
So, I think I'm going to go heat up some delicious left overs now. Since boards are over, I have a little more energy for cooking again which makes me happy. I'm miserable when all I do is heat frozen food or cook out of a box. I got a new cook book for Christmas that looks to be exciting, I can't wait to delve between the pages and taste the deliciousness.
So, since the last post:
- Took national boards, results to arrive in the next few weeks, could go either way (silly 6 hour computer-based exams)
- Food Animal Medicine was a lot of fun, I wish I could take it again. We got to ejaculate a ton of bulls (I know, I have problems and need help). I also switched my grand rounds presentation to be on a case I saw - a pelvic fracture repair on a Big Horn Sheep. It sounded like more fun than waiting to see if anything comes in while I'm on equine medicine.
- Equine field was a blast, I can now fix horses teeth. W00t!
- Anesthesia was crazy busy but extremely rewarding, it made me feel like not an idiot and that I might really be able to do this stuff.
- Spent Christmas with the fam, was a busier time than I was wanting but it was fine.
- Worked New Year's eve day, then for midnight spent an awkward time with some really drunk, angry people that are usually nice people
- Have 1 more day of my exotics rotation, last week on exotics was tricky since ~50% of the cases died/euthanized. This week has been better in that regard
- Next week is soft tissue surgery (blegh), then a week of vacation (woohoo!)
So I really hate the passive aggressive bullshit that women pull. I had a good friend for awhile at Trinity who pulled that all the time in fights with other people, but I ended our friendship when she used it on me. I much prefer if someone has a problem with me that they talk to me in a calm, constructive manner so that we can all exist peacefully. Preferably, these talks take place in person, in phone if necessary, never via e-mail/texts.
I'm not a morning person. Anyone who has every spent time with me knows this fact - mornings only exist because the world is a cruel cruel place. I also suffer from genetic tardiness. Now, I try really hard in the morning to wake up and get places on time, but it doesn't always work. If people on rotation with me (other students, clinicians/residents/interns) tell me that they don't think its cool that I'm walking in 5-10 late, I work extra hard and make it on time. If on the other hand I either don't get that message or discover that its really ok that I'm not on time, I'm not motivated to wake up 30 minutes earlier to get there 5 minutes earlier (yes, there is a time vortex in my house in the morning so that IS how it has to work). So, for the month and a half I was on anesthesia, I could get away with not being exactly on time because it was a lot of individual work and I could make up time by working my ass off when I got there. Last week on exotics, I was chronically tardy but I did my share of the work when I got there and worked my tail off all day. The clinician and intern didn't seem to care (never said anything to me), and neither did the students I was on with. So this week I'm on with the same students plus one new student and the clinician changed (same intern). One of the students I was on with last week started this week with passive aggressive bullshit. I came in slightly late, and she was complaining about it to one of the other students, the only reason I know is that I overheard from the other room. Later that day she was making a joke about the fact that my shoes squeak (it annoys me, but they work for my ankles and I can't make them not squeak), again just within my ear shot but really the comment was made behind my back and not meant for me to hear. So, I tried really hard and was there basically on time yesterday and today (I was especially motivated today because we were headed to the Denver aquarium to work on a tiger and some fish, and I needed to get there to help with morning animal care and then to catch the ride down to Denver). So she makes some comment, at least this time it was to my face, that "wow, you're on time this morning, why can't you do that everyday" and it was said rudely and she continued the comment not to me but to the clinician on duty that "it's going to be a big shock when I get to the real world". I had already woken up with a headache but was still excited to go down and work with the tiger and the other stuff, but it just put me in such a bad mood and I haven't been able to really pull myself out of the funk all day. Really, I should have been thrilled that I got to do an oral exam on a tiger, but some how I'm just not, probably wouldn't have mentioned it except I needed to vent this all out into the ether. But all this really got me thinking, not just about how much I hate her type of personality. I have good friends in vet school, but I don't really feel close enough to any of them to just vent all of this out. In my past I've been burned by so many so called friends in various ways that I throw up lots of guards against letting people in too far, but right now it's left me in an awkward situation where I feel utterly alone. I wind up spending all my free time with my cats and my dog because if my friends are going out, they don't think to call and invite me. I'm sure that if I really truly needed one of them, they'd be there but its hard when I just need someone to vent to and maybe a shoulder to cry on. Who knows. I just worry that things won't get better/may get worse when I graduate and move back to NM where really I'd be starting over fresh again.
So, I think I'm going to go heat up some delicious left overs now. Since boards are over, I have a little more energy for cooking again which makes me happy. I'm miserable when all I do is heat frozen food or cook out of a box. I got a new cook book for Christmas that looks to be exciting, I can't wait to delve between the pages and taste the deliciousness.